I try to go to sleep when I’m home finally, but sleep doesn’t come. I just toss and turn in bed, thinking of the fact that everything has gone wrong, in ways that I couldn’t have imagined. Thinking about how I should have seen this all coming. How I should have never let my guard down, never let Hani in, never let myself …
I end up on my phone. First, on Hani’s Instagram page, where she has far too many pictures of the two of us together. After I’ve stared at them all for so long that I’ve seared them into the back of my eyelids, I go on my sister’s page, looking at her engagement photos once more. There were more than a dozen people at her engagement party, I can tell from looking at all of the different pictures. Most of them are friends—probably from university. But I also see Rakesh’s family—his parents and siblings. It sends a jolt of pain through my chest. I should have been there. Ammu and Abbu should have been there.
Before I know it, I’m typing a message to Nik:
Saw your engagement party photos … congratulations.
Wish I could have been there.
To my surprise, the three dots indicating Nik is typing appear almost immediately.
I missed you and Ammu and Abbu.
I wish you could have been there too.
I chew on my lip as my fingers hover over the blank text box. What do I have to lose, I guess?
One of the girls in school accused me of cheating today …
I’m not allowed to run for Head Girl because of it.
And I don’t think Hani and I are even friends anymore.
I wait with bated breath for Nik to message back. The bottom of the messages say seen, but the dots to indicate she’s typing don’t show up. Five minutes pass. Then ten.
I take a deep breath and shake it off. I shouldn’t have expected Nik to come to my rescue—not when everything else is going belly up. Sure, last time we spoke Nik said—insisted—that I could come to her about anything. But we’ve never had a relationship like that, so why would I even dream Nik would help me now?
I’m about to put the phone back on my nightstand to get back into bed for good when my phone buzzes with a phone call. From Nik.
I take a big gulp of air before answering.
“Hello?”
“Why didn’t you tell me all of this was going on?” Nik’s voice is high-pitched. There’s the sound of clacking coming from the other side of the phone call. I wonder what she’s doing for only a moment before she starts berating me again. “Why didn’t you tell me all of this was going on when you called me yesterday?”
I sigh. “All of this stuff … just happened, really. It’s been … a bad day.”
“The worst day, from the sounds of it,” Nik says. “Are you … okay?”
“It’s one o’clock in the morning and I’m wide awake, talking to you. What do you think?”
“Right … and it’s a school night,” Nik adds. “Look … I want to hear everything in excruciating detail. Maybe I can help?”
“Okay—”
“But not now.” She cuts me off, her tone taking on some of the harshness that it usually has. “I’m going to come over.”
“Nik … you live in another country,” I say. “You can’t just nip down.”
“Shut up. I’ve been looking up flights since you messaged me … I can get a flight out tomorrow morning—”
“Nik.”
“Ishu.”
“Nik.”
“Ishu.”
