‘Yeah … practice ran late,’ I lie.
‘Have you finally caught up with some of your old friends?’ Amma asks excitedly.
‘No, I haven’t. They’re all … busy. They have lives and obligations,’ I mutter, trying to make my way past Amma and up to my room. I hadn’t expected her to ambush me just as I walked in.
‘Are you seeing anyone then?’ Of course, that’s why she’s suddenly so interested in my whereabouts.
I have to stop myself from sighing loudly and rolling my eyes. Instead, I just turn to her with a frown.
‘Amma, of course I’m not seeing anyone. Where would I even get the chance to meet someone?’
‘I don’t know, you’re out and about, reconnecting with old friends. I thought maybe there was someone …’ She looks a little dejected and I feel a pinprick of guilt. She’s just doing the things all desi mothers do – obsessing over my love life. I can’t really blame her for it.
‘I’m sorry, Amma, but there isn’t anyone,’ I say. There have been a few casual relationships over the last few years, but it was difficult to get into anything serious when I had a busy schedule full of practice and travel. I haven’t met anyone that would make me consider really trying to juggle everything. The last person who I really connected with was …
I shake my head, trying to escape all of my thoughts of her. Because Dina and I are so far back in the past that we might as well be considered prehistoric. And there is no universe in which there is ever any possibility between us again, no matter how much seeing her has been affecting me.
‘You know, your abba and I could find someone for you. Your Seema auntie has a son who’s only a few years older, and he has a great job as an engineer,’ she says, a little too casually. So it’s definitely something she and Abba have discussed. Normally, this kind of thing would make me annoyed, but considering how weird things have been with Amma and Abba since I got back, it actually feels nice to have them trying to meddle in my love life.
Still, I wrinkle up my nose at the suggestion, because I remember Seema Auntie’s son, Aashfaq. She always doted on him like he was some kind of golden boy who could do no wrong. It has been many years since I last saw him, but considering I’ve known him since I was a kid, the idea of dating him almost feels a little incestuous.
‘I don’t think so.’ It’s the nicest way I can think to turn Amma down. I know that if I don’t nip this in the bud, she’ll try to find even more prospects for me.
‘Well, there’s a dawat next weekend. Maybe you can reconnect with some old friends there, and meet someonethrough them.’ Amma’s voice is bright and optimistic, like it’s just that easy to find someone you like these days. She definitely has not lived in the world of dating apps. She and Abba met in university and fell in love, and the way she describes it, makes it sound like some kind of romance movie. She must think that’s somehow on the cards for me too.
‘I don’t know if I’m ready for dawats,’ I say hesitantly. ‘I mean … I might not want to see … I could run into … people that I don’t want to.’
Dina’s family and mine never exactly ran in the same circles and her parents were never big on dawats, but just being in the Bangladeshi community means that there’s always overlap. I can’t rule out that we’d run into each other.
Amma can read me a little too well, and she nods in understanding, even without me saying her name. ‘The dawat is all the way in Wembley. I don’t think you’ll run into too many people that you … don’t want to see.’ Amma offers me a reassuring smile. ‘But maybe some of the friends you’ve been trying to meet up with will be there. I know your old friend Zulaykha lives near Wembley now, so she’s probably invited.’
Zul wasn’t really my friend, so much as an acquaintance that I sometimes talked to at dawats. But I’m not in a position to pick and choose friends, considering everyone that I once knew here seems to have moved on. And maybe – and this is a thought that I definitely shouldn’t entertain – she’ll know what Dina has been up to these last few years, and who exactly she’s dating.
‘I guess it’ll be nice to see Zulaykha again …’
Amma beams. ‘Everyone will be so excited to see you.’
I smile back, but inside I wonder what I’ve let myself in for.
Chapter 11
Dina
‘And who knows what she’s even up to these days? She’s probably just passing time before she starts taking sponsorships and becoming a celebrity influencer or something.’
Aisha doesn’t respond to my lengthy rant. Instead, she just presses her lips together and looks at me silently for a minute.
‘What?’
‘Nothing. I was just making sure that you’re finished. When you said you wanted to join me on my lunch break today, I just wasn’t expecting it to be all about Maya. Usually you do anything to avoid the topic of her.’ Aisha raises an eyebrow at me while taking a bite of her sandwich.
The two of us are sat at a bench in Victoria Park, which normally wouldn’t set me off about Maya. But ever since bumping into her with Jen the other day, Maya has been running laps around my mind. And being here in front of the bandstand, where the two of us used to hang out after school, is bringing back too many memories.
‘Sorry,’ I mumble, heaping a forkful of pasta into my mouth. I don’t admit to Aisha that I have been perusing all the online articles about Maya for the past few days. Since her retirement, she’s racked up a lot of attention. ‘Honestly, it’s kind of weird that she’s back. I’m not surehow I’m supposed to feel or act around her.’
I think about how I practically ran away from her the other day, with my tail between my legs. I’ve replayed that moment in my head a million times since, feeling more and more mortified.
‘I feel kind of bad for her,’ Aisha admits. ‘I mean, retiring so young, and all that harsh media criticism? It can’t be easy.’
