For a moment, I think about stopping her. But then I’m leaning towards her too, trying to put Maya out of my head for good.
But I’m hyperaware of the fact that the two of us are surrounded by a crowd of people; the music thumping in the distance, the bitter smell of smoke all around us. I should be feeling somersaults in my stomach, the quickening of my pulse, blood rushing to my cheeks. Instead, I just feel a strange mix of hot and cold, and I can’t stop thinking about the fact that there’s sweat pooled over my upper lip.
Still, Lora clearly doesn’t care about any of that. Our lips meet and she kisses me as hungrily as she looked at me just a moment ago. She pulls me close to her, and I lean towards her. Her hands are on me in a second; her fingers running up my back, threading through my hair.
I feel every touch like it’s alien. I can’t lose myself in the kiss, in Lora. Instead, all I can think about is Maya. Maya, Maya, Maya, like she’s imprinted on my brain and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get rid of her.
I pull away from Lora, and she brushes away strands of her hair, still smiling at me. Whatever wrongness I felt in the kiss doesn’t seem to have bothered her.
‘You want to come back to my place?’ Lora says.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I shake my head. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t think so.’
Lora seems completely unfazed by my response. She shrugs and takes out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one and offering me another. I shake my head again.
‘I should go, my friends … they’ll be looking for me.’
‘OK,’ Lora says, raising an eyebrow in my direction.
I don’t wait for any goodbyes, I just turn around and head back inside the club. Back to the booth where Thea and Aisha are having a spirited debate aboutLove Island.
‘Where’d you go?’ Thea asks when she spots me.
‘Nowhere, but I have to get going,’ I say, grabbing my purse from the booth.
‘Where?’
‘I’m going home. I’m just … tired. I need sleep,’ I say.
‘Let us come with you,’ Aisha offers, giving me a worried look.
‘No, it’s fine. I’ll be fine,’ I reply.
Once I’m outside in the chilly night air, though, I wish I’d taken up Aisha’s offer. There are too many people on the street for this time of night, and I’m still a little too buzzed. My head feels woozy, and I’m cold.
Somehow, I manage to walk all the way back to our apartment. It’s on muscle memory alone because for most of the walk, I’m still thinking about Maya. Remembering the first time that we kissed, walking back to our hotel in Madrid. Remembering the last time we kissed, the day before the match that changed everything. I miss those daysso potently that it hurts. All this time, I thought that what I missed was football, the possibility of what I could have been. But I’m realising that I’ve missed Maya more than those things. I’ve missed her most of all.
It’s only when I’m back in my apartment building and start rooting around for the keys in my purse that I remember I didn’t bring them out with me. I hadn’t been able to find them as we were leaving the flat, and Thea and Aisha had theirs, so I thought it wouldn’t matter.
‘Shit, shit, shit,’ I mumble. I could call Thea or Aisha, but I know that would ruin their night, and I’ve already put a dampener on it. I could call Deen, but he has enough stress on his plate. I’m pretty sure his sleep has been worse than mine the past couple of weeks.
I pull out my phone, trying to figure out my best option. And then I see Maya’s name on my contact list.
Before I know it, I’m hitting call, my heart beating a little too fast.
The phone rings. Once, twice, three times. I’m sure that it’s too late at night and Maya is asleep and won’t pick up. I’m almost feeling grateful for it, when I suddenly hear her voice.
‘Hello?’
‘Hi …’ I say.
‘Dina?’ She recognises me almost instantly.
‘Yeah. Um … I’m locked out of my apartment.’
There’s silence on the line for a minute. If I were her, I would have already hung up. Here I am calling her out of the blue to tell her that I’m locked out of my apartment when we’ve barely managed to have two civil conversations since she’s been back. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.
‘I can come get you. Give me your address,’ Maya says finally.
