‘We were surprised that you weren’t on the World Cup team. We talked about it on the show, didn’t we, Karl?’ Erica remarks.
‘We did. We speculated about who would be on the team, and you were one of the first players we thought about,’ Karl agrees.
‘That’s why I felt like I had no choice but to retire.’ I sigh. ‘I joined the Vikings when I was eighteen years old. So many of my teammates went on to do amazing things. I was still stuck in the same place and I was getting abused in the media and online spaces. At a certain point, I just felt like I couldn’t do it anymore.’
‘And now that you’re retired, you’re back home. What have you been doing?’ Erica asks.
‘Do you have plans to go back into football?’ Karl presses.
‘I’ve been coaching a football team. My old school’s team,’ I say. ‘I think that’s as much football as I can take these days.’
‘And you had a phenomenal match just the other day!’ Erica exclaims. She picks up a notecard in her hand and reads off it. ‘Westbrook vs the Divas. And Westbrook – that’s your team, I believe – won. Blew the competition out of the water.’
I smile wryly. ‘Yeah, Westbrook won. But it was a close match; the Divas played a really good game. Those teams are really the future of football.’
‘Yes, youth football clubs for women are definitelyveryimportant. It’s how we nurture our young talent. And we’re glad to see you at the forefront of that, Maya. Especially with all of your experiences.’ Erica smiles.
The show cuts to an ad break, and Erica and Karl visibly relax as soon as the cameras are off them. I feel a little looser as well. I’ve done it: I’ve said my piece and it doesn’t feel like it was a disaster.
‘Thanks for sharing all of that, Maya. I know it couldn’t have been easy,’ Erica says, standing up and extending her hand towards me.
I stand up too and shake her hand, and then Karl’s.
‘I know that we shared some of those rumours about you too, but I hope that there’s no hard feelings.’ Karl chuckles. ‘You have to understand, it’s just our job as journalists.’
I raise an eyebrow. ‘Sharing unfounded rumours?’
‘Well, no. But sharing what people are saying. What’s in the current news cycle,’ Karl says.
‘Without doing any due diligence to check facts?’ I press.
‘It is atalkshow, Maya. Not exactly hard-hitting journalism,’ Erica says. ‘It was nice to see you again. Good luck with your coaching.’
With that, I’m officially dismissed. I walk out of the studio and I don’t feel angry at Erica or Karl orThe Warm Up. I actually feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Sure, it would have been nice if the journalists who peddled these rumours understood their impact, but I’ve done my part. That is really all that I can do.
With the summer almost at an end, and our match against the Divas over and done with, coaching sessions have slowly dwindled down to nothing. There’s a little bit of a respitefor the girls over the last weeks of summer, and then school will start up again.
All of this means that I’ve had too much free time on my hands – free time that I’ve spent spiralling and thinking too much. Despite beating the Divas and finally getting to share my side of the story with the world, it has been hard to feel happy, knowing that Dina and I will probably not have many reasons to see each other again. And from the last conversation we had, it’s clear that Dina is ready to put the past behind us – but that means putting me behind her too.
I shouldn’t be surprised. After all, Dina was always one of those people who was good at holding grudges, and she was also good at curating the people that she wanted to know and spend time with. Back in school, it was the reason she barely had any friends or acquaintances. She needed to trust someone to be vulnerable with them, and it had taken a long time for her to trust me. And I broke it, even if I didn’t mean to. Dina isn’t the kind of person to give people second chances.
Having all of this time to do nothing means that I’ve fallen into bad habits. With no more coaching to give me a routine, I’m all too happy to languish in bed until mid-morning, thinking about Dina and our past and feeling a little sorry for myself.
If Amma and Abba think it’s weird that my team’s win hasn’t spurred much excitement for me, they don’t bring it up. Most likely, they think I’ve burnt myself out with all my coaching and I’m taking time to refresh before Ms Jacobs offers me a full-time job –ifshe offers me a full-time job.
It’s on one of those mornings that my Google alert goes off. I know I should have deleted the alert a long time ago, and I’m about to swipe it straight into my email’s trash,when I see Dina’s name. A lump forms in my throat as I click into the article. It’s from theDaily Standardabout the match between Westbrook and the Divas, and about me.
Maya Alam has been in the news a lot recently. When it wasn’t the rumours about her behaviour behind the scenes, it was her explosive interview onThe Warm Up, where she demanded the football community consider their own biases. It’s difficult to know who Mayareallyis. Are the stories about her true, or is she the do-gooder coach who has been caught up in undeserved backlash?
Her rival coach, and former classmate Dina Chowdhury shed some light on the controversial player.
‘She’s always been hard-working and dedicated,’ Chowdhury says, when asked about how Alam made a career playing professionally when Chowdhury was considered the star player in their school team. Chowdhury also dismisses the rumours about Alam: ‘She’s not that kind of person. She never has been.’
The article goes on, but I’ve stopped reading. The words have started to blur together. Dina had the chance to tell peopleherside of the story too. The side that she’s believed all these years – that I sabotaged her, took her spot. That she was the one who deserved my career. But she didn’t say any of those things. I’m not sure what that means.
I find myself on her Instagram again, and realise that there are several new posts on her account, but they’re all about her dad’s restaurant. There are no photos of her or her friends, or family. It’s pictures of the food, each announcing a grand relaunch happening in just a few days.
I try to remember if Dina ever had an interest in cooking. I wonder if she’s given up coaching now to take up the helm of her father’s restaurant. But then I remember her brother,Deen – who would keep stocking a supply of freshly baked goods in Dina’s house whenever I visited. Who gave me knowing looks when Dina and I were still dating in secret, refusing to tell anyone about what we really meant to each other. Who had been passing out food to the crowd at the football match two weeks ago. It would make sense if he was the one who was responsible for the relaunch.
