The bartender brings over the champagne.
‘Hey,’ Ty says, lifting up his glass. ‘To turning eighteen.’
‘To both of us turning eighteen,’ I say, clinking my glass against his.
‘How do you feel about it? Turning eighteen?’
‘Well, this morning I was feeling a bit anticlimactic about it, as it was feeling like a normal day, but now it’s a bit more than that.’ He laughs as I signal around the bar. ‘But I don’t feel like an adult. I don’t feel any different to yesterday. And somehow now I can legally do all these things like drink and vote and leavehome, all from one day?’
‘What is adulthood anyway?’ says Ty, rubbing his face. ‘I thought being eighteen would be some great relief from my parents, now I’m finally an adult, my opinions would matter more. But I still feel they have the same amount of say as I did when I was a kid.’
‘Ty, your opinionsdomatter,’ I say. ‘Being a legal adult doesn’t change that.’
‘My parents have always given this vibe of “when you’re older you’ll understand” . . . and I’ve kept getting older and the goalposts keep moving.’
‘Why are you so afraid of him?’ I say softly. I say him, because I think there’s one parent in Ty’s mind that he’s talking about.
Ty sips again at his champagne. ‘Because I want his approval,’ he says, shaking his head. ‘How messed up is that? All Daze and I want is for him to see us. To feel we’re enough.’
‘I don’t think it’s messed up wanting your dad to care about what you care about,’ I say. ‘I don’t know how I would feel if I didn’t have Mum’s support.’
‘Your mom seems great.’
‘She is,’ I say, nodding. ‘Which is why I find the idea of leaving her so hard. She’s supported me my whole life. It’s just always been me and her. And we only see my grandparents maybe once a year, if that.’
‘Do you know what happened? Why doesn’t she see them that much? My mum is still calling my grandma all the time and there’s an eight-hour time difference!’
‘She doesn’t really talk about it . . . and I guess I’ve never really asked. It’s the way it’s always been.’
‘Then how do you know how she really feels if you’ve never talked to her about it?’
I exhale. ‘I have a hard time with . . . I don’t want to upset people, you know. So it feels safer to keep things to myself, notto rock the boat. It’s why the Secret Sender has been so good for me. For once I can really express myself, no catches.’
Ty touches my hand. ‘I know what you mean about not wanting to rock the boat,’ he says.
I look at his hand over mine, he looks down and then starts to withdraw it, but I grab it back, so we’re now holding hands on the table. The electricity is unbearable, the air feels thick. We make eye contact and I can’t turn away.
I move closer to him, so our faces are inches apart. ‘But sometimes you have to take the leap,’ I say.
I look at him, and in my head there’s nothing else, there’s no concerns, no worries, just this moment.
Then I lean up and kiss him.
Ty kisses me back, letting go of my hand, and wrapping his arms around my waist, his hands pressing on the small of my back. I feel electricity that’s been building up between us explode, firecrackers through my whole body.
The moment between us is shattered by my phone vibrating loudly in front of us. Ollie’s name pops up. I glance down at it. Ty also looks, removes his hand from my face.
‘I’ll quickly check what it says,’ I say, opening up my messages.
‘Ollie’s train is a bit delayed, but he will be at the party,’ I say, avoiding Ty’s eyes.
‘Cool,’ is all Ty says, and I feel the guilt rise and fall in me. ‘I’m glad he can make it for you.’
I want to go back to before Ollie’s text, but the moment has passed.
‘Look, Ty—’
Ty holds up his hand. ‘It’s your birthday – let’s talk about it tomorrow. We’re celebrating today.’ He clinks his glass against mine again, and I exhale. For now we can pretend nothing has happened.
