“Hello to you too, Leo.” She smiles at me with that polite ‘we used to fuck, but we can still be friends’ smile. The one I tend to have also with my exes, but not with her. Not with the only woman who had the nerve to tell me, to my face, everything that’s wrong with me.
“It totally skipped my mind.” Kai responds to my question with a delay that is actually on point for someone drunk at this time in the morning. It’s not a lie. I know it isn’t. Kai was too busy chasing after Rachel to even think about his sister.
“Oh, honey, what happened?” She asks as she brushes a blue strand of hair from his face. “Why are you drunk this early? That’s not you.” She says softly.
“I fucked up.” He tells her with tears streaming down his eyes and there he goes. Kai falls to his knees sobbing because his sister is the only person he can let himself be a mess in front of, besides me. And she kneels by his side. She strokes his hair with her delicate fingers that remind me of so many things I shouldn’t be thinking while my friend is having a mental break down, or while I am already falling for a guy that I don’t want to admit. I shake the thoughts out of my messed up brain and approach them to help Nadia pick Kai from the floor and plop him on a stool at the bar.
“Everything will be okay sweetie.” She tells him softly. “I am here now.”She is here now, and things will either get better or more complicated. I wouldn’t say I am excited to see which one it would be.
Chapter 9
Noah
Rachel is gathering the last of her things before we head home for the night. The salon is a mess; today was total chaos, and I want nothing more than a wine glass full to the brim and a book so spicy that would make even Lucifer himself blush.
“Pizza?” She asks as we are walking toward the door. I am thinking about our choices when my phone rings.
“Hold that thought,” I say as I stay behind to take the call. I see Leo’s name on the screen. Both confusion and excitement fill me as I take a deep breath before I respond.
“Hello?” I say with hesitation, because why would this man call me especially at this hour? Doesn’t he have a bar to run?
“Noah?”Seriously? Who else could it be?
“No, it’s the Pope.” I say with my most serious but sarcastic tone because if he is going to be ridiculous, I can be too.
“I am sorry. I shouldn’t bother you...” He lets the last word linger. I hear his breathing deepen, as if he is praying for me to say something, anything, to keep the conversation going.
“Are you okay, Leo?” He is not, though I don’t even need his answer to know he isn’t. His voice breaks with every word he speaks. His breathing is like that of a person who’s been crying, and as much as I think it’s too far-fetched to believe he is, I also think this man is a total mess mentally. I wonder what got him to this state, but I don’t ask. It’s not my place to ask. I don’t even know why he’s calling.
“I wouldn’t say I am.” He tells me finally, after a silence dragged on too long.
“It’s okay.” I am not sure why I think this is the right answer in this moment, but something in him seems to relax, and his next words sound more confident.
“I know you don’t really know me, and we are not friends...” The last word is almost a whisper, as if he is afraid it will become reality if he speaks it out loud. I wonder if being my friend sounds so ridiculous to him... He already said he doesn’t do romance; a friendship, one would think, would be the next logical step. I guess whatever this is that is happening right now seems more logical in Leo’s head.
“How can I help?” I cover the microphone of my phone with my hand and whisper to Rachel, who’s standing right in front of me, even though this feels too personal for her to eavesdrop. “Go. I need to do something.”
She wiggles her eyebrows in a teasing way and whispers back to me. “Have fun at your date.” She couldn’t be more wrong. This is far from a date. This is a man who’s breaking apart and somehow decided to reach out to the last person he should have. Lucky for him, I am also someone who can’t let anyone around me suffer in my knowledge and not help them.
Leo is staying silent on the other end. I choose to press because this big idiot is fighting with his ego, and it’s clear even from a phone call. “Tell me where you are.”
“Do you know the cinema next to the coffee shop we were yesterday?” I know exactly the one. In fact, it’s one of my favorite places, other than that coffee shop. But I don’t say that. I don’t say anything more than what seems important right now. The fact that I am going to be there for him. That’s the only thing that matters. He needs support.
“I’ll be there in ten. The salon isn’t too far.” I say and start walking. I hate driving. Usually, Rachel picks me up, or I walkto her house, and she drives us to work. If I actually need to go somewhere, I usually either walk or call a car. If I use my car, it isn’t by choice; usually, it’s just parked in the garage of my apartment building, and, if I am being honest, I am paying way too much for this piece of junk I call a car just to gather rust. Yet if I can avoid driving it, I will.
I put on my head phones that I usually have sitting around my neck when I’m on the road with Rachel. Ready to provide a distraction. I hit play on my audiobook on my phone, and as I walk, the voice of my favorite narrator whispering filthy words fills my ears. It’s a marvelous thing to be a reader. You fall in love a million times and live through worlds you would never have the opportunity otherwise. Each romance book is a new experience. It’s almost as if it’s a love letter, written just for you...the reader.
Leo
Ishouldn’t have called him. I had no right to call him. What the hell was I thinking? Calling the man I am stalking. Who I have only just spent a few hours with in total. I am a complete stranger to him, basically. What was I thinking? And for what? Support? He doesn’t owe me that. No one does.
I should be able to handle this myself. I should be able to control my own fucking emotions. I relax my fists and blood runs through my palm from where my nails were digging, not just a small amount, even though I barely have nails to begin with. I have been digging them into my skin trying to control myself so much today that the wounds are getting deeper. I make a mental note to hide my hands as much as I can from Noah. I am a complete stranger to him, but from watching him for I don’t even know how many hours, he doesn’t feel like a stranger to me.And that’s the problem. The false familiarity towards him is messing with my head.
I pace back and forth right in front of the ticket booth at the small cinema. It’s Monday, and relatively early into the night that this place is completely empty. I already purchased four tickets, two for each of tonight’s movies, before I even called Noah. I don’t know why I was so sure he would come here. I don’t know why just by watching him in secret I have decided this man would drop everything and come help me, but I am glad to be correct about this.
“Leo.” My name sounds like a love song coming from his lips, and that’s the last thing I need right now. I don’t need mymessed-up brain to fall for this man. I turn to face him as he approaches from the other side of the road.
“Hello Noah.” I force a smile, because he doesn’t need to see me break apart. I just need him, for a strange reason, to be here.Nothing more. Just to be here.Just to be with me. I need someone to stay silent next to me during a movie. I need someone to fill this emptiness Nadia’s presence reminded me of. The fact I am completely alone. Her words, spoken years ago when she decided to break things off, still echo in my mind every time I see her. ‘Leo, you are amazing, but no matter how much you try, you are too broken to be with anyone. You have built walls so high that no one can see the other side, and you hide yourself on that side, tucked away, waiting for something to change. But everything changed when you became a murderer, and that’s all you’ll ever be unless you work your shit out. I can’t stay here. I can’t wait for you to do this. I love you, and my brother will always be by your side, but I can’t be that person for you. I can’t be the one who fixes you. I can’t save you. You can only save yourself. I am usually happy for her visits, just because they make Kai happy, but her words haunt me like a ghost of the past I will never be able to escape.
