Did I?
For over a week I’ve imagined this news, and sexual fantasies aside, I didn’t know how I’d feel.I’m still in shock, but I think I knew this was going to happen.I can’t explain it.Being inside Courtney, filling her with my seed, I knew.It didn’t stop me at the time, and that single fact challenges all my beliefs that I’m the creator of my life.
Is all of this predestined?
Is this woman the one I’m meant to spend my life with?As if I ever contemplated that being something I do in this life.I never have.
Yet, the way I feel about her...it’s unlike anyone else.The need to protect her, and care for her, and just simply be with her, never disappears.
“I’m not unhappy.”I confess.“Me being your attorney creates complexity, but it’s not something we can’t work out.”
She sniffs, watching me warily as I give her a small smile.I move closer and see her face soften, so take the risk of pulling her into my arms.When she’s tucked against my chest, I close my eyes and breathe all of her in, cherishing her feminine warmth against me.
I hadn’t realized how much I needed to hold her.
This entire long fucking week, all I wanted was this.
“I’m sorry—”
“It’s fine, I know it’s a shock—” I start to reply.
“No, Zander,” Courtney’s face lifts to mine.“I’m not pregnant.”Pretty green eyes drop in shame, confusing me.“I can’t have children.”
What?
I push her an arm’s length away.
“What are you talking about?The test.It’s positive,” I stammer.
She sighs, and I see the heartbreak on her face as everything begins to fall into place.This is how she knew.
“It’ll be a false positive.Adam and I tried for a full year.”Courtney shares.
I need a moment to let my brain catch up.
Courtney is infertile.
She’s not pregnant.
“Are you sure?”
She nods.“Twelve long months.I saw a doctor and while there wasn’t any specific reason we couldn’t get pregnant, my painful periods are likely a contributor.”
I try to process this, keeping my thoughts to myself, knowing she did love Adam at one point.Then I snap back into lawyer mode and remember the images she shared with me.Linking his new information with the sudden choice to leave her husband.
“Court,” I squeeze her hand.“Is this why you left?Is this why he hurt you?”
She nods, looking at the floor.“I don’t blame him.He said from the start he wanted a family, and I wasn’t able to give him that.”
Jesus.
“There is never a reason to hit a woman.Never,” I half growl.
“You don’t understand.I lied.I told him for two years I was off birth control.I wasn’t.”
Hard to feel sad about that.Imagine the poor children that would have to endure that asshole as a father.
“Still, enduring negative test after negative test and having crude sex on a schedule was soul destroying.”
