“Mabel Dawn, in the truck.Now.”
I was seconds away from a full-on panic attack at this point.I could feel it on the fringes of my mind: the fuzzy blackness slowly creeping in, the racing thoughts, the overstimulated nervous system.My limbs were struggling to stay still.Even my hands shook as I closed the pizza box lids.
“We can drop Mabel off on our way back to Tom’s,” Danica offered.
Tom nodded.“I’ve only had one glass of wine.If she wants to stay, she’s more than welcome to catch a ride with us.”
“I want to stay, Dad.The teams won’t be even, but … I want to stay.”
“Mabel.Truck.Now.”I headed to the foyer and slid into my shoes, unable to see anything clearly besides the dining room table loaded with open pizza boxes.
“I’m not coming.”She hadn’t moved from her spot on the floor.“I don’t know what is going on with you, but you made me come here.You made me play the game, and now I’m enjoying myself and I’m not ready to leave.You can head home with your panic attack or whatever you’re having, but I’m getting a ride home with Danica and Tom.”She crossed her arms over her chest, but didn’t get up from the floor.
Gabrielle and Naomi were now in the entryway with me.
“It’s okay, Lennox,” Naomi said, resting her hand on my shoulder gently.“We’ll take care of Mabel and get her home safely when the game is over.”
I jerked my shoulder out from under her arm and shot a glare at her, causing her to back up.“Fine,” I said, louder and more aggressively than I should have.“Fine.”Then I flung open the door and bounded down the stairs.
“Do you want a ride?”Naomi called after me from the stoop.“Should you be driving if you’re having a panic attack?”
All I did was flick my hand in the air to wave her off before climbing into my truck.
I don’t even remember the drive home.
Because the next thing I knew, I was pulling into my driveway, the porch light blaring into my eyes, and my brain pounding.
Eleven years was too much of a gap.
Kyla was seventeen years older than me, but eleven still felt like too many.
Did I have a penchant for older women now?Was that all I would ever find myself attracted to because of my fucked-up stepmother and the fact that she groomed, abused, molested, and raped me since I was eight?
I thought this island was going to be our fresh start.Our clean slate.Our do-over.
But now I had to wonder if I was just falling back into old, destructive patterns I didn’t even think were there.
I was attracted to an older woman, and the older woman who’d molested me for seven years was just granted parole.Maybe I wasn’t meant to lead a normal life or fall in love.
Maybe, fucked up was my normal.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Lennox
MyhandtrembledasI punched in the code for the front door of the house.I entered the dark space, but didn’t flick on any lights.Instead, I just tossed the pizza boxes onto the round kitchen table, then collapsed onto the couch.Only, unlike this afternoon, I didn’t pull a pillow over my face.
I called my therapist.
Harvey Douglas answered on the second ring.“Lennox, you okay?”
“No.”
“Where are you?”
“Home.On the couch.”
“Where’s Mabel?”
