Draping my wrist over my eyes, I took a deep breath and let it out.“She’s over … we were invited to have pizza and play games with a family here on the island.She wanted to stay; I had to leave.”
“Okay.Why did you have to leave?”
“Because …” I sighed.“Because one of the women there, a single mom, has two kids at the school I’m at.I like her.I’m attracted to her.”
“And she doesn’t feel the same way?”
“I don’t know.”
“Lennox, you know you can call me at anytime.I’m here for you.We’ve been on this journey together for thirteen years.I know all your trauma, all your secrets.But you’re going to have to help me out here.What happened with the woman?”
“Naomi.Her name is Naomi.”
“Okay, what happened with Naomi?”
“She’s …” I growled.“She’s thirty-seven.”
Harvey paused, and for a second, I wasn’t sure he was still on the line.“And that’s a problem?”he finally asked.
I exploded up into a sitting position, then stood and started pacing in my dark living room.“Of course it is.That’s eleven years older than me.”
“Yes.But you’re both adults.Has anything happened between you and Naomi?”
Shoving my fingers into my hair, I tugged until a sharp pain resonated in my scalp.It grounded me.
Then I remembered that article I read about grounding, and how the electromagnetic field of the earth running through our body could be calming.So I tore off my shoes and socks and went outside, stepping into the grass and wandering down to the stump Mabel had covered in birdseed.There wasn’t much seed left, just bird shit.
I let the cool earth and the long grass against the tops of my toes calm my senses, ground me to the earth, and steady my heartbeat.
“Lennox?”Harvey asked.“You still there?”
“Yes.”
“Has anything happened between you and Naomi?”
“No.Well, sort of … No.Not really.We were playing a game, and I had to be her puppet master kind of.The charade was milking a cow, so I had to move her hands and arms.Then I made her sort of sit on my lap like people sit on milking stools.”
“And you got an erection?”
“No!”
“I was just asking.I’m just trying to understand why you’re upset.”
“I liked her in my lap.I liked touching her.I liked holding her.She smelled good.She’s beautiful, funny, kind.We spent a lot of time together today.First, we bumped into each other at yoga, then the beach, then she showed me around her family’s winery, and then when we ran into each other at the pizza place, she invited us back for games.”
“She sounds like a very nice person.”
“She is.But she’s thirty-seven.”
“And that’s too old?”
“Yes … No.I don’t know.”With a sigh that made my toes dig deeper into the grass, I tilted my head up toward the heavens and tried to focus on the dark sky and the faint hint of dim stars.“Am I fucked up for life?”
“Well, I don’t think you’re fucked up to begin with.But what makes you ask that?”
“Am I destined to only be attracted to older women because of what …shedid to me?Is that my kink now?Is that mytype?I like ’em old?”
“Have you found yourself attracted to older women before?”
