“No.She doesn’t strike me as the type either.I think she dresses like that for comfort and practicality.Honestly, it suits her.”
“What kind of a person does she strike you as?”
At this point, I had found a bird-shit-free spot on the grass and reclined onto my back, the phone to my ear.The ground wasn’t damp with dew yet, and being able to stare up at the stars and the shadowed treetops from this angle was calming.
“What kind of a person does Naomi strike you as, Lennox?”Harvey repeated.
“A good person.An honest person.”Except for maybe why she had that wolfsbane behind the barn.But then again, she didn’t actually lie to me about what it was or why they had it.“She seems like a good mom.Smart.Patient.Kind.Funny.”
“And you got all of that from herbeforeshe told you her age.”It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah.”
“Seems to me, Lennox, that Naomi’s age has nothing to do with why you’re attracted to her.It’s just something you’re using to sabotage what could be a really great relationship—if you’re ready.Do you think you’re ready for a relationship?”
“I don’t know.I wasn’t planning to find someone when we came here.That wasn’t on my radar.Wasn’t on my to-do list.I just wanted to get as far away from Florida as possible.Start fresh with Mabel.You know she made parole?”
“I did, yes.I was at the hearing.I spoke on your behalf.As did Dawn and Irv.To be honest, I was expecting a call from you in the next day or so.I wasn’t anticipating it being over another woman though.This is progress.”
I barked out a mirthless laugh.“I’m twenty-six-years-old, Harvey.I have a thirteen-year-old daughter with my rapist stepmother.And I’m incapable of finding women my own age attractive.How is that progress?”
“You didn’t know she was thirty-seven, Lennox.You’re not incapable of anything.We can’t control who we are attracted to.Who we fantasize about.And as long as that person is of consenting and appropriate age—which I deem Naomi to be—it seems to me that this ‘Naomi’ has ticked off a bunch of boxes personality-wise, and her age is just a … just a sixth toe.”
“Huh?”
“It’s something that shouldn’t impede your liking her, but it does make her a little different.However, it has no bearing on what kind of person she is.”
The barred owl from earlier in the week hooted loudly.It was probably close by in the trees above, waiting for me to go inside so it could start hunting for its dinner.“Where are you now?”Harvey asked.
“Outside, lying on the lawn.”
It was impossible not to hear the smile in his voice.“That’s good.”
“Even if the age thing wasn’t an issue, I made such a fool of myself at the house in front of Naomi, her kids, her family … they all probably think I’m a freak.”
“People are more forgiving that we give them credit for.You’re a bright young man.I think you could come up with something honest, humbling, and humorous to excuse or explain your behavior.And if she feels even remotely similar for you the way you do for her, then I bet she’ll forgive you even quicker.”
I exhaled and pinched my eyes shut, then bent my knees so my feet rested firmly on the grass.“Is this noose always going to be around my neck, Harvey?”
“What noose?”
“The ‘Kyla noose’?Does the woman need to die for Mabel and me to finally, truly be free of her?”
“She’s only a noose if you let her be one.You’re free to take it off and throw it away anytime you want.You’re an adult now, Lennox.A father.An educated man.You’re extremely successful, despite the terrible hand you were dealt earlier in life and the obstacles you’ve had to overcome.If anybody can remove a noose like Kyla from around their neck, I’d say it’s you.You are the definition of perseverance and overcoming the odds.”
That anvil that had been on my chest since Naomi’s didn’t feel quite so heavy.
“Mabel is watching you.She’s watching how you react to situations.How you deal with stress.Show her that the world is already a stressful enough place, that you don’t need to add the fear of Kyla into the mix.She can’t hurt you guys anymore.Even if she is out on parole, she can’t leave the state.
“I’m not telling you that you need to pursue anything with Naomi.That’s entirely up to you—and her.But what I am telling you is that you’re not screwed up.You don’t have athingor akinkfor older women.I think you simply find her appearance and personality appealing, and she just so happens to be a little older than you.”
I rubbed my knuckles into my eyes and sighed.“I’m sorry for calling so late, Harv.”
“You know as well as I do, kid, I’m here for you twenty-four-seven.Never apologize for calling when you need help.You’ll keep me in the loop though, huh?Let me know how things on the island are going?”
“Of course.”
“Give Mabel my best.Has she cured the avian flu yet?”
