“Oh.” He sounds surprised. “Hey, Maya. Everything okay?”
I purse my lips. “I’m really worried about Finn. He’s gone to a meeting tonight and feels a little distant. I was wondering if you could just check up on him and make sure that everything isokay. He’s upset with me, and he has every right to be, but I’m just terrified he’s going to do something. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I think he’s really vulnerable right now.”
JJ inhales a sharp breath. “Yeah, of course. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll give him a call.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
I need him.Weneed him. And he needs to stay sober because I can’t bear to see him destroy himself again.
An hour ticks by, and Finn is nowhere to be seen. Another hour and I can taste bile in my throat. I pace the living room over and over until I’ve worn into the wooden floors.
When Skye starts to cry for her feed, it gives me something to do, but it doesn’t take my mind off what Finn is up to.
What if he never went to the meeting and ended up down at the off-licence?
No. No. No. You can’t think like that.I scold myself.
I told him to take his time, which he has every right to do, but now I’m panicking.
What if he’s in a ditch somewhere?
What if he was involved in an accident?
What if he’s hurt?
My stomach tightens, and I push down the sickness invading my chest. “Oh god,” I heave.
I grab my phone to call him. I want to give him some space, but now I’m sick with worry. I listen as it dials and then calls with no answer.
“Shit,” I curse to myself as I rest my phone against my lips.
When I try again, I get the same result. My eyes start to ache from the pressure that has built behind them. I shouldn’t have let him go alone. I should have gone with him.
“Where are you?” I whisper to myself as I close my eyes.
The second I hear something at the front door, I freeze, and then I hear the lock turn. I take two shaky steps towards it as itswings open, and Finn emerges. My eyes sweep over his face. He looks tired, but he doesn’t look drunk.
“Oh god,” I whisper as I approach him. “Are you okay? I was so worried about you.”
Before I know what I’m doing, I push up on my toes and wrap my arms around him without hesitation. He stands still before placing his arms around my lower back and pressing his face into the curve of my neck.
“I just needed a little more time,” he murmurs. “To myself. To think.”
I sniffle. “I’m sorry. I know I said take your time, but I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay.”
Finn squeezes me tighter, and it reminds me that he’s here, he’s okay, and he’s sober.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out. “I’m sorry about everything. I never want to make you spiral.”
“It’s my fault.”
“No,” I say as I pull back and hold his face between my hands. “It’s not your fault.”
“I promised you that it wouldn’t change anything,” he sighs as he pulls my palms away from his face, and I’m filled with coldness. “And then I acted out. So yes, it’s my fault. I knew what I was getting myself into.”
My fingers tingle to reach out for him again, but then I remind myself of the mixed signals I’ve been giving him, and it hurts. “Are you going to stay tonight?”
“Yeah.” He gives me a hollow look. “But I’ll sleep on the sofa.”
