“You can sleep in Nina’s old room,” I murmur, despite not wanting him to sleep there. When he’s been sleeping in my bed, I’ve been having some of the best nights’ sleep of my life. “It’ll be more comfortable than the sofa.”
Finn nods glumly. “Sure.”
Silence washes over us, and it feels like we’re back to square one.
“Uh—” I clear my throat. “I didn’t make dinner, I forgot.”
The corner of Finn’s lip twitches, but he doesn’t show a full smile. “It’s okay. Maybe we order something in, and then I’m going to have an early night.”
I manage to clear my throat. “Yeah, sure.”
My eyes follow him as he removes his coat, and I’ve never felt colder.
CHAPTER 33
FINN THOMPSON
The meeting was mostly a blur, and not because I didn’t want to be there, but because my head was spinning with thoughts that made me twitch.
What if I have to watch her fall in love with someone else?
Andrew, my sponsor, noticed I was a little vacant today and checked in. I explained I was having a difficult day, and he sat with me to make sure I wasn’t going to make choices I’d regret. I didn’t realise how much I needed someone to really see me and not judge.
After the meeting, I went for a walk and took some time to empty my thoughts. Despite the urge to drown myself in a beer and feel that cool liquid hit my tongue so I can push my feelings elsewhere, I know I can’t.
The second I choose that life again, I’ll lose Maya and Skye for good.
And I promised Andrew that I’d call him before I make that choice.
When I walked through the door an hour later, I wasn’t expecting Maya to look so disheveled, and then relieved when she laid eyes on me. Maybe I am that much of a liability, and I don’t want to hold that title to my name anymore.
As I lie awake in Nina’s bedroom, knowing my girls are in the other room, my soul is destroyed, but we can’t keep sharing a bed if there’s a possibility we might not have a future.
My eyes close, but I don’t sleep. It’s pointless. I toss and turn and groan out my frustration as the sheets start to ruck up around my legs.
When the morning rolls around, I pluck myself from bed in the early hours and make a coffee before sitting at the table in silence. My heart aches from yesterday’s roller coaster of emotions, but I can’t let it drag me down.
I have to keep going, and I will.
Maya’s bedroom door cracks open, and I glance over with my mug between my hands. Her dark, heavy eyes find mine as she blinks and wraps her dressing gown tighter around herself.
“Morning.”
I force a smile. “Morning.”
“Both up before Skye. Must be a new record,” she croaks playfully.
“Yeah.”
“How did you sleep?” she asks as she walks over to the kitchen and pours herself a cup of coffee.
I shrug. “Not great.”
Maya hums before sitting down opposite me. I flick my eyes over her face and the way her dark hair is thrown up into a messy bun on top of her head. Fresh-faced, with swollen lips and creases on her skin from sleep.
The back of my neck heats, and I don’t know how I’ll ever get over her.
“You?” I murmur.
