“Sure. I’ve got class in an hour.”
As we head over to the café to grab a coffee, the only place to sit is outside because it’s busy, but we all brought coats, and it’s not raining, so we’re easily swayed.
“So, Maya and Skye are all good?” Silas asks.
“Yeah. Skye’s with Alice because Maya has classes, and I had a meeting with my professor about my dissertation.”
“How do you juggle it all, man? It must be hard.”
“Not easy.” I scratch my head. “But it’s worth it for them.”
JJ smiles. “You’ve got this, brother. Christmas is almost here, and then you can relax for a bit.”
“What are you doing for Christmas?” Ronan asks.
I clear my throat before taking a sip of my scalding coffee. “I’m taking Maya and Skye to my parents’ house.”
“Shit.” Silas’s eyes widen. “Have they met them before?”
“No.” I shake my head. “It’s gonna be special. Skye’s first Christmas, and the first time I’m going to be sober for it.”
Ronan grabs my shoulder. “Surrounded by your family? It’s gonna be a good one.”
“Yeah,” I say with a genuine smile.
Because I refuse for it to be anything else.
“What are you guys doing for Christmas?” I ask.
Ronan and Silas both tell us their plans as we finish our coffees. JJ is coming over on Boxing Day as he’ll be spending Christmas with his family after his mother’s successful treatment in Germany, then Ivy’s going over to his for New Year’s.
My eyes wander behind JJ and Silas as a group of people leaves one of the buildings. I freeze when I spot Maya walking beside Alfie, one of the new guys on the football team that I never got to meet because I didn’t return this year. But I’ve heard about him—and heard about them getting close at Fen’s party.
JJ follows my eyeline as Ronan and Silas continue to talk. Alfie wraps his arm around Maya’s shoulders, and when he grins at her like a Cheshire cat, something inside me dies.
Sure, they might be friends, but could they be more? I’m reaching. I know I am, but fuck, if it doesn’t turn my head into a crossroad.
I don’t even realise I’m shaking until JJ grabs my wrist to stabilise me. “They’re probably just friends,” he says in an attempt to calm me, but Maya twists her head to look up at him before he drops his arm.
My stomach churns uncomfortably, and I push down the bile that crawls up my throat.
“Think about Skye, okay?” JJ continues. “She needs you. Maya needs you.”
“What if they don’t?” I whisper, finally dragging my eyes away from them.
JJ lets out a breath. “Maya wouldn’t be expressing her fears of you leaving if they didn’t need you, Finn. Think about that.”
And I do, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.
What if she finds a connection with Alfie?
What if I can’t handle it?
And it’s not on her, it’s on me.
She’s allowed to do whatever she wants, whatever makes her happy. All I want is for her to be happy and thrive in the way she’s always wanted. But knowing I messed up so bad that I’m no longer the one who makes her happy? Fuck.
“You’re spiralling,” JJ states when I don’t respond. “You need to stop, okay? It’s a shock, but all he did was put his arm around her.”
