My head whips towards him, and I narrow my eyes. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“I amnotgood enough for you.” He enunciates every word with frustration.
“That is a lie. You are a good person, Finn, and I know you have demons that haunt you. I can literally see when your soul leaves your eyes sometimes.”
Finn’s head drops. “I made you think you did something wrong, Maya,” he rasps heavily. “When it was one of the best nights of my life because you made me forget everything, and all I felt was you. But it’s not your fault, you could never do anything wrong. It’s my fault.”
The hoarseness of his voice is near painful.
“You don’t deserve to carry around his agony, Finn,” I whisper and step closer. “It’s clearly eating you alive, and it’s not healthy.”
“If I tell you, you won’t want anything to do with me again.”
My face scrunches up at his accusation. “Well, let me be the judge of that.”
Finn clears his throat as he steps away. “I’m sorry that I hurt you. Just know I mean it when I say that night meant everything to me. I need to go.”
“Wait, Finn—” I call out, but he turns and leaves, shaking his head with tense shoulders.
My throat tightens because I believe he wasn’t ghosting me for any other reason than the fact he’s struggling with something, but if he refuses to talk about it, he’s going to end up drowning in his bottled-up emotions.
And yet I don’t know how to help him without pushing him further away.
As I snuggleup in bed with my laptop beside my head while I watch old episodes ofCatfish, I grip onto my pillow and curl into a ball. There is a knock at my bedroom door that startles me, and I tap my phone to reveal it’s almost eleven o’clock at night.
I pause the programme and swipe the covers from my body before walking to the door. I pull it back to find Finn standing on the other side. The stench of vodka hits me square in the face.
“Finn.” I blink in surprise.
He drags his bloodshot eyes to mine, and that’s when I realise how red and puffy they are.
“What’s wrong?”
Finn sways from side to side, and I reach for him, drawing him into my bedroom before he collapses in the hall. “I-I’m sorry for coming here,” he slurs. “I-I didn’t know where else to go.”
I guide him to my bed as he falls down onto his back. “Don’t be sorry. What’s going on?”
Finn sniffles and presses his hands to his face. “You were right.” He gasps for breath. “It’s eating me alive, and I can’t breathe.”
Panic laces through me at how distraught he sounds, and it’s something from my worst nightmares. I lean forward and help him sit up, shuffling him back against the wall.
“I can’t fucking breathe, Maya. I. Can’t. Fucking. Breathe.”
“You can,” I reassure him as I stroke back his hair. “I promise you can. Nothing is going to happen to you. I’m right here. Just listen to my voice.”
Finn chokes out a breath and wraps his arms around me. I kiss away his tears and squeeze my eyes shut as I attempt to calm him until his breathing is even.
“I almost killed my sister.”
I freeze. “What?”
He says something, but I don’t hear him. I pull back and hold his face between my hands and force his watery eyes to mine.
“I made up a lie about her,” he hiccups. “And her boyfriend drove them off a bridge because of it. She almost died. I saw all the blood. I did that to her. It was all my fault.”
My lips tremble. “Wha—” Words aren’t forming from the shock that hits my system. His sister almost died.
“I-I didn’t want them to be together. She deserved better, and I did the worst thing imaginable. I thought it would break them up because I knew he was cheating on her, but he tried to kill them both instead. And I fucking hate myself every day. Every. Single. Day.”
