“Uh, I ordered you a caramel latte,” I say as I point to the drinks on the table.
I notice the way she swallows as she studies the mug. “Oh, thanks, but I’ve cut out caffeine for the moment.”
“Oh, shit,” I murmur, feeling completely out of my depth because I haven’t seen her in almost eight months. “I can order you another, a decaf one.”
Maya shakes her head. “It’s fine. I didn’t come for a drink, and I can’t be too long.”
I watch as she sits down on the chair, and I take the one opposite. “Right, sure. How are you?”
She remains silent for a long moment, and it’s near deafening. “I don’t know if what you’re saying is true,” she sighs and finally meets my eyes. “About wanting to see Skye.”
I’m nodding before she finishes talking. “It is. I want to be a part of her life.”
Maya licks her bottom lip as she glances out the window, sucking in a harsh breath. “Finn, I can’t have you walk into her life for you to realise this is too much and walk back out again. She’s a baby, and she deserves a father who’s going to be there for her.”
My throat clogs with emotion at the reality of her words. “And I want to be that father,” I say with conviction. I feel it in my veins. How can I live knowing I have a daughter and not want to spend time with her?
“I’m so angry at you,” she grumbles.
I can see it in her irises. Festering fury mixed with agonising pain. Maya’s never been good at masking her emotions, they’re always plastered across her face for the world to see. And for this exact reason, I wish I couldn’t see the hurt I’ve caused.
I lower my eyes a fraction. “I know, and you should be.”
Maya clasps her trembling hands together in her lap.
“What did I say? Tell me, please,” I plead.
I need to know. I need to know if there’s a chance that she’ll ever forgive me.
She inhales a large breath as her lip trembles subtly. “You were so angry at me, like it was only my fault I got pregnant. You said that I was selfish, and this would ruin your life, and that you wouldn’t be there because you didn’t want to deal with it.”
I bury my head in my hands. “Jesus Christ.” Nausea creeps through me at an alarming rate, and I find even more deep-rooted hatred for myself.
“Maya—” She remains silent as I look up at her. “I was struggling, and I was the one who was selfish. You needed me, and I turned my back on you. I’ll never forgive myself for that.” My hands begin to shake, and the pain that hits me isunbearable. “My only rational thought is that I knew I was such a mess and there was no way I thought I could be a worthy father.”
She sniffles, and I hate that I can’t comfort her after the damage I’ve done.
“What I said was unacceptable. But that wasn’t me talking, it was the alcohol and my internalised fears. I promise you.”
“What internalised fears?”
“That I wasn’t good enough for you guys. You could never be selfish, Maya. I’m the one who is selfish for not thinking about you. I was so self-absorbed, and those days fucking haunt me, knowing I hurt the one person who would have done anything for me.”
Maya’s chest quivers, and when she lifts her head, I see the tears resting in her eyes. “You were everything to me,” she says as her voice cracks. “And you shattered me to pieces.”
“Fuck,” I choke as I press my hands to my eyes. “Maya?—”
“So please forgive me if I think your sudden interest in Skye seems odd,” she blurts harshly.
I press a hand to my chest. “I’m the one in the wrong. And I know I need to earn your trust. There’s nothing I want more than to be present.”
“I have to protect my baby.” She straightens her spine, and it hurts to know she doesn’t reference Skye as ours.
Why would she when she’s the one who has been there since she was born?
“And I don’t know your intentions,” she carries on.
“I know,” I whisper. “I’ll never be able to live with myself knowing I never got to experience Skye growing up. I have no right to ask for another chance, but please let me show you I’m not that guy anymore. Everything will be on your terms.”
