“I shouldn’t have told you when you were drunk.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “But I was struggling for weeks to voice it to you. That night you came to me, I had to do it because I couldn’t keep it to myself for a second longer. But finding you in a sober spell was hard.”
Finn visibly winces and scrunches up his face. “God, that makes me feel fucking sick.”
I press my lips together as I listen to his heavy breathing.
“You didn’t deserve that.” His throat sounds dry.
The weight of the conversation starts to take a toll on me, and only now do I realise how mentally drained I really am.
“If you want to see her, I can’t keep her from you.” I adjust my position and move my legs away from Finn’s. “But the second I know you’ve been drinking again, I won’t let you see her.”
He nods solemnly. “And I understand that, but I’m dedicated to staying sober.”
“Okay, good,” I whisper.
My phone chimes and I glance at it, seeing a text from my sister saying she’s on the way home from work. I sigh and lock it.
“I don’t mean to cut this short, but Nina will be home from work in twenty minutes, and I really don’t want her to see you here. Not yet anyway. It’ll open up a can of worms I’m not prepared to face yet.” I drag my hair from its messy bun before throwing it up again.
Finn’s jaw tightens, eyes hollower than before. “Because she thinks I’m an asshole.”
“Because she saw me at my lowest.”
He blinks through my words, and the pain that slashes across his face is numbing. “Right. She didn’t say anything about me being at the door the other day?”
“She didn’t see you,” I murmur. “She’s so work-focused at the moment, and when she works from home, she hates itwhen Skye cries or makes a fuss. She definitely would have said something if she saw you, and if anything, be glad she didn’t.”
Finn sucks in a breath. “Right. Well, I’ll go.”
I watch as he stands before looking down at Skye on her mat. He kneels beside her, and he looks so incredibly large compared to how small she is. My heartstrings tug as he raises his finger and gently drags it down her cheek.
“Bye, sweetheart,” he whispers. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”
Skye’s head moves, and she releases a slow whine. I give Finn a moment as he stares as if his entire world is in front of him. Time stands still for minutes on end.
After a while, I have to look away because the sight is too painful. I didn’t think we’d ever be in this situation, but now I’m looking at the pair of them, wondering what we could be.
I shake my head, trying to remove these thoughts. I’m jumping the gun.Massively.There’s no point praying we can play happy families, we’ve barely even started trying to fit the pieces back together again.
The last thing I need is to get my hopes up. My heart is on its last legs. I barely survived him walking out once, how would I be able to cope with it happening twice?
Finn bows his head and stands. I walk him to the door, and he lingers on the front porch. When he looks at me, I want to wrap my arms around him and bury my head in his neck, feel his strong arms around me. For old times’ sake.
But I can’t.I shouldn’t.It’ll only fuck with my head more. And what we’re doing is for Skye, not to get back together. I can’t risk anything when it comes to her, and maintaining a co-parenting environment is the priority. Nothing else.
“Maya, please just text me if you need me,” he says softly. “I promise you I’ll be here.”
I purse my lips. “Okay.”
Finn lingers for a few moments as if he’s about to say something, but changes his mind at the last moment. “Okay,” he murmurs back. “I’ll see you soon?”
“Sure.” I force a smile.
He stares at me for a moment that feels all too intimate, and I squirm under his gaze. When he turns to walk to his car, I quickly shut the door and press my back into it, catching my breath. I don’t know why, but I sob and sink down to the floor until my lungs feel like they’re about to burst.
I clutch onto my T-shirt and lower my head onto my knees as tears stream down my face. I’ve been trying to stay strong, but…this feels like another heartbreak waiting to happen.
And it scares the living daylights out of me.
