I’ll never know, as my mother appears from thin air as I make it onto the second-floor landing.
“Darling,” she greets, giving me a sweet smile. Her dress flows around her ankles in comparison to a fluffy white cloud, her long hair curling around her waist.
“Momma,” I respond, giving her a smile of my own.
“How are you?”
“Good, and you?”
My mother squints her eyes, taking a step toward me and placing her palms on my cheeks.
“You… you seem different, Atty. Are you happier these days? Have you found some relief?” she asks.
I know what she means, and though in some ways she isn’t off the mark, in others she is.
“No, everything is the same. I’m the same,” I tell her.
She clicks her tongue. “Nonsense. I know my son. You seem, I don’t know, hopeful? Almost as if you’re glowing.” At this, hereyes widen significantly, and she presses in closer. “Are you… Are you in love?”
Love?!
Even if I were to tell her of Julian and my adventures, I still wouldn’t categorize my affection for him aslove. I’ve never even been in a relationship!
“No, Momma. Who could I have possibly fallen in love with?” I regret asking the question as soon as it leaves my mouth.
I have opened her mind to the options, the possibilities, and there areveryfew in this estate. Julian really is the only option, outside of Barfred, who has never shown an interest in me.
“Atty—”
“I’m awfully tired; I think I’ll take a nap,” I interrupt.
With a disapproving look, my mother removes her hands from my face.
“Sure. Take a nap. But you do know you can tell me anything, right, darling?” she presses.
“Yes, Momma. I know. I’ll see you for dinner.” I scurry away, feeling her gaze on my back until I disappear into Hall W4.
I think of her comment for the rest of the evening.
As I flip through one of the old, dusty tomes in the altar room—unfortunately, unable to pay any decent attention to it—I find myself antsy to see Julian again.
Because now, whenever I imagine his face or his voice or what he’sdoneto me, all I can think of is one word: love.
It couldn’t be, right? There is absolutely no way I’ve fallen in love with a guy I’ve slept with once, who is only being kind to me out of physical attraction and pity.
When his hands were on me, I could tell Julian was accustomed to making others feel good. He must do that often and with multiple people, considering his good looks. I cannot take his kindness the wrong way; I refuse to have my heart broken by falling in love with a man who does not want me in the long term.
As the stone door pushes open and footsteps echo from the stairs, I tense up.
Julian appears in front of me, a few feet away, in his typical pajamas: sweatpants and a t-shirt. He looks incredible.
“Hey there,” he greets, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips.
“Hello. Again,” I respond awkwardly.
“Are you in love?”she had asked.
Can he see it? The glow, the hopefulness that Mother claims to see? I really, really hope not.
