He leaned in and kissed my cheek, then slid his hand into Spencer’s. “Darlin’,” he slurred.
“Next time it’ll be my cum you’re trying to stop from dripping out of you,” Spencer murmured against my ear and bit my lobe.
I moaned and shoved at him. “There won’t be a next time,” I said weakly.
He smirked, not believing my lie any more than I did at this point.
fourteen
Keeley
My life had, once again, tilted on its axis in the space of twenty-four hours. My telephone call with Simon felt like it was eons ago despite it only being the day before I’d hooked up with Spencer and Brayden. Now, it was twenty-four hours after that, and I was supposed to be doing what I should have done in that conversation—telling Simon that there was no chance of us being together.
But he was running two hours late.
I’d given up on him coming around tonight. It wasn’t a bad thing—he wouldn’t get to disrupt my routine with Hannah, and I could still break it to him over the phone. I just wanted it over and done with now.
Hannah was having her final play before her bath time. She was hitting her xylophone with the mallet, making nonstop noise and loving every moment of it. Her blocks were spread out around her feet, debris from the car crash she’d caused. It was chicken car—a toy that looked like a chicken with wheels that clucked every time she pulled it back and let it go. I could never thank my mom enough for giving me that joyous piece of plasticwith an apparently endless battery life. It was hilarious though. The toy sent Hannah into fits of uncontrollable giggles every time she played with it. I had almost thirty minutes of video on my cell phone just this time.
She dropped the mallet and waddled after the car while I quickly rebuilt the block building. “Ha ha,” I cried. “My building is invincible. Chicken car won’t succeed this time!”
Hannah looked at me with guileless brown eyes and a deadly serious face. “No, Mamá. Building’s broke.”
She pulled the toy back and let it rip. The car headed straight for the blocks, which crashed to the ground as the toy sped straight through them.
“Yay!” Hannah cried and pumped her little arms above her head.
“Oh no, chicken car wins again.”
Hannah erupted into giggles and chased after the car. On her way through, she knocked the only block still standing onto the floor and cackled again. She was adorable, precocious, and a little devil at the same time. I loved every moment of this life we were living. Having the privilege to love Hannah was a blessing.
I’d sought help from a therapist after Carina took Hannah that first time. I’d only had a couple of video consultations, but it was helping. So were the mindfulness exercises and meditation I was doing daily. I knew I hadn’t caused Elise’s accident; I wasn’t responsible for her death. No matter how much I’d wished I could have a baby, I didn’t have the power to change another person’s fate. Logically I’d known it all along, but guilt worked in strange ways.
Even though I couldn’t change what happened, I did have the power to be there for the daughter who’d lost both her parents. I could and would love her and care for her for the rest of my life.
I wanted to give Hannah everything. I wanted to give her a family, a strong connection to her cultures, and a loving, safehome. Getting back with Simon wasn’t the way to do it. I just had to tell him that. I wasn’t scared or even nervous about our forthcoming conversation. Now that I’d sorted out the mess in my head, I knew I was making the right decision.
The forthcoming conversation wasn’t even a blip on my radar at the moment. The tickets for Spencer’s upcoming concert at the Fonda Theatre in LA were. He’d messaged me this morning, inviting me. The QR code that popped up only a second later was for six tickets, so I could bring some friends along too.
Seeing him play was temptation incarnate. But it wasn’t only that. Work had been hectic over the past couple of weeks—it always was with the beginning of the season—and I’d hardly spent any time with Hannah. Now I was thinking about going out overnight? I knew Hannah would be okay if Mom looked after her, but.... I sighed as I watched my girl bang her toys together all while chewing on the rubber duck she’d retrieved from the bath. Mom guilt was a bitch.
As if that wasn’t enough, my going to the concert would further blur that line between Brayden, Spencer, and me.
Because, apparently, I lived in the fantasy land where a line still existed after having had their cocks inside me.
I really wanted to go.
So, so bad.
Screw it.
I called Carina.
“Hey, you, how are you?” she asked.
I sucked in a breath and launched straight in. “I haven't checked whether I can get Mom to look after Hannah, but if she can, do you want to go to Spencer’s concert in LA with me?”
“Hell yeah.”
