“I’ll ask Cara, Kamirah, and Cleo, Rune’s girlfriend, too,” I said in a rush before I changed my mind.
Cleo hadn’t really spent any time with us, but I wanted that to change. She needed friends like Cara, Carina, and Kam, especially with what I’d spoken to Rune about. “Maybe we could make a girls’ night of it? I have six tickets.”
Carina checked her calendar and said, “Jaques, Trav, and Linc will all be home that night. Hannah knows them. I’m sure they'd love to look after her if your mum can't.”
“Thanks, Carina,” I whispered. “I don’t know what I did to deserve people like the four of you in my life.”
“I’m glad you and Hannah are in our lives, too, Keeley,” she responded quietly.
I could hear the smile in her voice. Her friendship was new, but I didn’t ever want to be without it again.
There was noise in the background—laughter and squealing—I’d obviously interrupted something. “I should let you get back to it.”
“Thanks for the invitation, Keeley.” She paused a moment, and the noise died down. “Hey, maybe—”
There was a knock at my front door. I walked over to it and checked the peephole. “Carina, I’ve got to go. Simon is here.” I sighed. “I have an awkward conversation ahead of me.”
“Message me once he’s gone, okay? Doesn’t matter how late.”
“Okay.” I nodded even though she couldn’t see me and added, “I’ll let you know.”
I opened the door but blocked the entrance. For the first time since we’d split, it hit me. I felt nothing for him. Not a single thing. It was eye-opening. I’d carried this hurt and anger with me for so long, but it was gone. I was utterly apathetic about him.
While I was analyzing my feelings, I looked him over. He was sweating, looking like he’d run a marathon, and was breathing like it too. But he had zero color in his cheeks—he was as pale as a ghost.
"Si,” I greeted, my concern making me hesitate. “Are you feeling okay?”
He waved me off. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Hannah toddled over and wrapped her arms around my leg. “Mamá, who dat?”
I picked her up, and his smile was so genuine that I almost felt bad about my decision. But I couldn’t agree to get back together with him. Not when I knew it was the wrong thing to do. I’d be miserable. I’d rather be single than stuck with him and his mistress in whatever the heck kind of relationship he was suggesting.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.” I pushed the door open for him but didn’t bother waiting for him. I took Hannah into the living room and sat her back down on the rug. It was already past time for her bath, but it was going to have to wait a few minutes longer.
I heard the door close and Simon’s footsteps, and I watched him walk over to Hannah and smile again. I tried to picture him here with us. But like before, I felt nothing. No emotion, no wistfulness, nothing. I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t picture him part of this family again. I couldn’t imagine him living in my space, even only part of the time. Instead, this feeling of wrongness washed over me and settled deep in my gut. I knew I’d made the right decision.
Hannah pushed her cart over to him and hit him in the ankles with it. I winced but at the same time bit back a smile. I was being petty, but his being hurt was satisfying revenge in my books.
“No,” he said sharply and picked Hannah up. He coughed and held her away from him, shaking her a little as he did.
Everything in me recoiled, protesting as he held her. She instantly burst into tears and kicked her legs frantically. I rushedover. I didn’t want his hands on her. In fact, I didn't want him anywhere near Hannah.
I grasped her under the arms and tugged her away from him, but as I did it, he clasped her hands and kissed them, then smiled warmly at her. That same wrongness hit me again.
“Hi, Hannah. I'm your dada.”
My hackles rose, the hair at my nape standing up. Hell no. This wasn’t happening.
I wrapped my arms around her and put myself between them, then placed her back down with her toys so she could keep playing. But that was the cue. She started fussing, the change to her routine already playing havoc with her.
“She wants me to hold her.”
“She wants to bathe, then go to bed,” I snapped and picked Hannah back up again. She put her thumb in her mouth and snuggled into me, resting her head on my shoulder. I smoothed a hand down her dark hair, soothing her, and swayed from side to side.
“Have you made a decision, Keeley? I think it’ll be great. I can’t wait to make you mine again and be a bigger part of Hannah's life.”
