His mind is racing, but I doubt Liam—so protective and supportive—could even conjure what I’m about to tell him. This is easily the worst thing Stefan’s ever done, probably to anyone.
It’s not the first time I’ve said these words, but they feel more weighted than ever before.
“You want to know why I asked Stefan for a divorce?” I say in a dead voice. “Because he purposely ‘scheduled’ his vasectomy appointment for the week I went to a surf competition with my siblings to support Asher. I should’ve known something was wrong—he never wanted me away from him for too long. That time, he practically pushed me out the door.”
Liam’s quiet but seething.
“He had finally agreed that we wouldn’t have children. A few months after the ‘procedure,’ I got off birth control. I even remember thinking to myself thatmaybewe could make this work, after all. Maybe I wasn’t a fuckingidiotfor marrying him.”
He flinches, thinking back to earlier. To be fair, he didn’t actually callmean idiot, but it didn’t feel good either way.
“My period was inconsistent since I had been on contraceptives for so long, but I knew when something changed. And I made the right choice forme.” Defensiveness floods my tone as I wait for his reaction.
Liam understands what I mean immediately. I had an abortion at nine weeks pregnant, and I haven’t regretted my choice for a second since. Everyone in my family, and probably the Millers’, knows, but Asher went with me. It wasn’t long after Juniper had left, and we’d grown closer through our shared sadness.
“I’m glad you did.” There’s no judgment, only sincerity.
Shocked, I add, “I’ve never wanted children. But if I ever were to have them, I certainly didn’t want them to have a father like him.” I shake my head, imagining what Stefan would be like with a daughter of his own. Or what type of man a son of his would grow into.
Liam nods. His arm flexes but he doesn’t move. I wish he would—that he’d come closer to me. “I’m sure there werea million reasons why you made the choice you did. The only one I care about is that it was the right thing for you.”
I let out a relieved breath. He’s the first person I’ve been intimate with who knows this. “It was.”
“Good,” he reaffirms.
I watch him for a moment then add, “Stefan knew, too—or, he had an idea that I was pregnant. When he arrived late to the Millers’ vow renewal and I was puking my guts up, he lost it. He was pissed that I was drinking in ‘that condition.’” I let out a bitter laugh. “I was drunk as a fucking skunk, but I figured it out then. If it weren’t for my anger at that moment, I don’t know when I would have asked for a divorce. When I would have been brave enough.”
He opens his mouth then closes it in frustration. “Can I touch you?” he finally asks.
I bob my head once. “Please.”
It’s not a word I use with him often, and it comes out so quietly, but he hears.
He steps into my space and wraps me in his arms. “You would have left him. Maybe not that month, but you would have. You’re strong, Calypso—don’t doubt that about yourself.”
A few tears slip down my cheeks but I don’t wipe them. They stain his shirt in favor of keeping my arms firmly around him. “Now you know… about that.”
His head shifts against mine as he nods. “It doesn’t change anything for me. For us.”
More tears fall from his words. I needed to hear that more than I realized.
“I don’t want you to leave,” I finally admit. He chuckles, never doubting how I needed him here. “I just don’t know how to stop pushing you away sometimes.”
He presses his lips to my head. “You can try all you want, but like I said, honey: I’m here as long as you want me to be.”
I slide my hand along the back of his neck and pull his lips down to mine. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me,” he says in between kisses. “Just let me love you, even if it’s never mutual.”
It is.
Loving Liam was inevitable, though it snuck up on me. Somewhere between Sunday mornings at the farmer’s market and evenings spent on the couch with Rosie, my soul became woven into the fabric of his being without me noticing. I wouldn’t even know which threads to pluck at to separate myself from him cleanly—he’s always going to own a bit of me, whether he wants it or not.
Accepting that is much simpler thanadmittingit to him.
All I can do is nod.
Our lips fuse together. As I always do, I try to show Liam everything I feel but can’t say.
