“No, if you know he knows what he’s doing, then not only is he hot for you but that feeling is mutual. How long have you two been sleeping together? I’m guessing it’s new, since you’re obviously freaking out about it.”
“I …” I almost denied everything she said, but she was right. “Yep. I have no idea what to do.”
“Tell me everything and we’ll figure it out.”
I didn’t tell her everything, but I told her about Beckett’s “don’t I know it” comment, showing up at the barn and him kissing me for the first time. How it had felt like coming home. And after I explained the dinner, getting caught by Noah, and my subsequent quick exit … the snacks were almost gone.
Margot had listened intently, without interruptions. Other than her eyes going wide or her brow knitting together, Margot had been quiet.
“Do you love him?”
I knew it wasn’t what she meant but I took the cowards way out. “He’s my best friend, of course I do.”
Margot just looked at me. No harsh words, no cruel judgement. She simply waited for me to get sick of my own bullshit and be honest.
I fidgeted. Did I want to admit to feelings for Beckett? If I did, even just to Margot, it’d mean opening that box in my heart.
I wasn’t sure I could handle it if he rejected me.
Margot continued to simply stare at me. “Tell me what you’re scared of Clara.”
I sighed. “The obvious. What if it doesn’t work? How can I survive losing my best friend? Then I’d have to move because there’s no way I’d be able to live in this town after that.” I started to ramble and all of the worst-case-scenario thoughts tumbled out.
Margot held up a hand. “Woah. You’re … okay. I understand your fear of losing your best friend. That’s a rational concern to have – that possibility is scary.”
“Thank you! I –”
She cut me off, hand in the air. “Ah, I’m not done. That’s where my agreement ends. The rest of it … having to move? Babe, that’s catastrophizing something that hasn’t even happened. Backtrack with me a bit, can we try that?”
I nodded, somehow not feeling like a ridiculous person.
“First thing to clear up – you’re in love with Beckett.” Margot framed it as a statement, not a question.
I didn’t bother to protest or deny it. There was no point – I wouldn’t have asked her for a girl’s night if I wasn’t. She took my silence as agreement.
“Glad we’re out of denial.” She winked at me. “And in my not-quite-unsolicited opinion … he’s a good man. We haven’t knowneach other very long, but you don’t strike me as someone to fall for an asshole.”
I smiled and took another sip of my drink, resisting the urge to quip about previous boyfriends.
“Let me be completely honest with you, Clara. That man is just as in love with you.”
“I’m not so sure.” I knew he enjoyed hanging out together and being friends, but what if it’s just been a while since he’s gotten laid and I was in the right place at the right time? What if it’s a proximity thing and not more?
“I knew it the first time I met him. Do you remember how I tried flirting with him at the store?”
I cringed and then laughed. “I was surprised he didn’t at least take you dancing!”
Margot threw her hands up in the air. “Beckett dances?!”
“Yeah. Really, really well.” I laughed again.
“Of course he does.” Margot waved her hand as if to dismiss the distracting thoughts. “Anyway, I was upset by his rejection, kind as it was. Until he glanced at you while you were helping someone. There was no way I – or anyone – could compete with the way he looks at you.”
I blushed, but what Margot said didn’t make sense. “We look at each other all the time! And that,” I waved my hand in her general direction, “has never been the way he’s looked at me.”
“Clara. Love you to pieces but you’re an idiot. That’s theonlyway that man looks at you. You haven’t seen it because that’s probably how he’s always looked at you. The man might think he’s hiding it but he’s not.”
I stared at my drink. I wasn’t sure how to feel about any of it. There was so much tangled up in my head and my heart when it came to Beckett, I couldn’t find the knots to even start pulling it apart.
