“I can’t,” I said, but then figured Jessie would most likely tell her. I gave her the abridged version, adding Jessie’s reaction at the end.
“Please, don’t yell at me," I pleaded with her. "It was the best thing for them. He can’t just make a decision like that and ruin their chance at the deal of a lifetime because of me. If it was just Kill’s life, maybe I would be more open to the idea, but there are three other people to consider.”
Ryan shook her head with a sad look on her face.
“Never mind. I’ll just call Ray later.” I got up to leave, not wanting to discuss the matter any further.
“Wait, Faith. I get why you did it. It sucks you had to do it that way, but I understand. But he's an idiot if he believed you.”
I threw my arms around her, hugging her forcefully. “He called me a liar. I hung up on him before he could get the truth out of me. He mentioned D making a lot of contacts while they were touring. I'm hoping he will go to one of them and get signed. They are so close to making it. They have a better chance there than if they came back."
"Come on; let’s get you settled in,” she said grabbing her purse from behind the bar.
“What are you talking about?”
“You're going to stay with me, no argument. And don’t worry about quitting.” She locked the door and headed for her car.
“I can’t work here anymore, Ryan,” I replied, a touch of hysteria in my voice.
“I know, but we kind of already had a contingency plan in place,” Ryan explained, refusing to look me in the eyes.
“What does that mean?” I stood in front of her so she had to look at me.
“Okay, don’t get mad... Kill called Ray a couple of months ago and told him he needed to start looking for a new waitress, because when he got back, you weren’t going to be working any longer. We started training two new girls on the early shift so they’d be ready to take over your shift."
“I can’t believe he did that,” I cried, wanting to be upset he’d practically quit my job for me, but unable to stop my heart from melting.
“Think about it, Faith. You're going to graduate soon with some fancy damned degrees, if I might say. It was inevitable that you’d move on to bigger and better things. Now, stop thinking so much and get in your car so we can move you into your room...and I can get back here and finish what I need to do.”
I nodded my head and followed her to her house. Ryan had a tiny two-bedroom four miles from the bar. It was very clean and extremely sparse. The only personality to be found was in the bright red couch with a blue rug in front of it on the floor. The TV was placed in an entertainment center, but nothing decorated the cabinets on either side.
"Did you just move in?"
Ryan glanced over at me as she rifled through a drawer in the kitchen for a spare key. "No, I've lived her four years. Didn't I tell you that at Halloween?"
I took the key as I tried to hide my confusion. I wanted to ask her about the lack of personality in her house, but Ryan was a private person and I didn't want to pry.
One lone picture taken at her graduation with Ray and his wife, Jean, decorated the nightstand in her room. Her bed was neatly made, the red comforter pulled up and tucked neatly under the matching pillows, giving nothing away about my mysterious bartender friend.
Ryan opened the door to the guestroom. It had a queen-sized bed with a neon-colored quilt on top of it. There was a dresser and a nightstand supporting a lamp. In the closet were a couple of sealed boxes. They didn’t take up a lot of room, and they were the only clutter I’d seen in the house.
"Just move the boxes over if you need more space."
“Thanks, Ryan, but I don’t think I'll be unpacking. As soon as graduation is over, I'm going back to live with my dad and Martha.”
“I figured as much. I just wanted to let you know it’s available as long as you need it. Have you talked to your dad yet?”
“Not yet. That was going to be my next step. I'm sure he won’t mind if I stay with them for a while until I can figure out where I want to be next.” I flopped down on the bed, putting my elbows on my knees and hanging my head in my hands, feeling defeated.
“Don’t worry about it; you're welcome for as long as you want to stay. I need to get back to work. Are you going to be okay?” The stern look she gave me told me she wasn’t going to let me wallow in self-pity over the decision I’d made.
“I will be. I just need to make some phone calls and get through the rest of this week.”
She nodded in approval of my attitude. “Okay, get to it, and when you're done with your phone calls, take a nap. You look like shit. See you tonight, chickie.”
When the front door closed, I stared at the blank wall for a couple of minutes, forcing my mind to go mute along with my emotions. After wallowing in pity for way too long, I shook myself free of it and went outside to unload my car.
Once I’d moved everything inside, I crawled under the blankets. I begged my body to drift into a dreamless sleep, wanting to be snatched away from my inner turmoil, but it refused my request.
