Piper shot her a look of horror that clearly said this whole Minnesota-nice thing had gonetoo far.
But it seemed rude, mean even, to start a home school on Beaverbrook Lane and not include all the neighbors ... even if this particular neighborwasskinny, blond, and perfect, with hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers and talked about things like the Table of Sustenance. It sounded like something Bilbo Baggins might sell in the housewares section at Target.
Aspen smiled. “You areso sweet. But we create a lot of content while we’re doing school, so I don’t think that would work. But I’d be happy to be your Happy House Lifementor, you know? I do this for a lot of people, and I’m happy to waive my normal $2,500 fee, since you guys areneighbors.”
Rosamund exchanged a glance with Piper. “How very ...kind,” she said.
Piper emitted a sort of moan-grunt of faux gratitude but only succeeded in sounding like she had peanut butter stuck to the roof of her mouth.
“That would be great,” Kiersten said, once again attempting to radiate the enthusiasm her neighbors lacked. “We’d like that so much.”
“Great!” Aspen smiled back, white teeth gleaming.
“So tell me.” Piper gestured to the pile of books. “How did you come to develop this ... Happy House Life thing?”
“My husband’s grandmother is the inspiration,” Aspen said, tossing her luxuriant hair over one shoulder. “We were going through a rough patch after our second child was born, and Grammy gave us this retro advice from back when she was a young bride. We thought it was, like,genius. So we decided to totallyembraceher 1960s trad wife lifestyle. It, like,transformedour marriage and our home.”
“Transformed it how?” Piper asked.
“Read my book first,” Aspen said, “and then we can talk about it.”
“I can’t wait to ... dive in,” Rosamund said with a polite smile.
“But the book was just thestarting point.” Aspen clasped her hands to her chest, glowing like an evangelist. “I also went rummaging around in Grammy and Grampy’s attic, and I found all these recipes written on index cards. So I started cooking Grammy’s meals while wearing someof her really cool vintage dresses and posting it on TikTok and Insta. Then I started following her schedule, with laundry on Monday, baking on Tuesday, cleaning on Wednesday and so on.”
“And you turned that into a book?” Piper asked.
“Once we hit 500,000 subscribers, a publisher reached out and asked us to turn our content into books. We sold, like, a billion copies. Then we didThe Happy House Life Cookbook, and that has sold, like, a billion copies too. I’m going to be on the Channel Nine morning show next month doing a segment on Thanksgiving prep if you’d like to watch.”
Rosamund frowned. “Which one is Channel Nine again?”
“It’s the one with Nikki Lassiter,” Piper said.
“We’ll besureto tune in,” Rosamund promised.
“It must be great,” Kiersten said wistfully, “to have family nearby.”
“It’s wonderful for the girls,” Aspen said. “We love having Grammy and Grampy and Trey’s dad right next door.”
“Grammy sounds like a remarkable woman,” Piper said politely.
“She’s, like, really modest,” Aspen said. “She doesn’t like to toot her own horn, even though she invented all these amazing recipes. She was way ahead of her time when it came to things like carbs and cholesterol, stuff like that. She’s really, like,scientific.”
“By the way,” Kiersten said, “I found some old diaries in a box in my basement. They belong to a woman named Dottie who lived on Beaverbrook in 1965. I’m trying to figure out who they belong to so I can return them, but I haven’t had much luck. Do you think your Grammy and Grampy could help?”
“I can ask,” Aspen said.
“That would be great. And thank you for all of this.” Kiersten pointed to the books.
“Why don’t we meet next week to discuss your Happy House Life action plan? That’ll give you some time to read my books and get your thoughts down on paper.”
“I would love that,” Kiersten said, and she meant it with every cell in her body.
Here at last was the thing she’d been looking for her entire adult life. A plan. A schedule. A magical system to end multiple trips to the grocery store each week for forgotten items, a cure for the inexplicable anger that rose each time someone innocently asked what’s for dinner. A way to ensure they never ran out of toilet paper, trash bags, or laundry detergent again.
And all she had to do was fill in the blanks and complete a workbook, and then a Disney princess, like Rapunzel with more manageable hair, would come to her house and show her how to implement it all.
“Sounds like you’ve launched an empire,” Rosamund said brightly.
