As he stood alone in the bathroom, slowly unfastening the loops of his corset vest, dread bubbled inside him. It choked him up, making each inhale that much harder. Still, he pushed through it.
Once he’d taken off his corset vest, the freedom allowed Kaiden to take a deep, shaky breath. Afterward, he sucked in his gut, already feeling ugly. And he hadn’t even done the hardest part yet.
Kaiden fixated on the reflection of his buttons in the mirror. One by one, he delicately opened his dress shirt, but he couldn’t bring himself to look after he’d slipped off his top. He stood alone in the bathroom, exposed from the waist up and unable to simply take in his reflection. Still, if he planned to be seen by Dylan and Rus, truly seen, then he needed to face his body, too.
Kaiden took in his reflection, at first locked onto the chest muscles below his collarbone, then the muscles of his shoulders and biceps, the parts of him that’d improved so much after years of healthy progress. But eventually, he slowly moved his gaze down to the parts of his body he rarely glimpsed. The parts of himself that he hated taking in all at once.
Yes, Kaiden saw his stomach every time he changed his shirt or hopped in a shower, but he never stared for long, never really examined himself fully, because he still carried so much shame. Despite flexing his stomach muscles as tightly as possible, there were no cute abs poking out. Only saggy skin that hung from his chest and stomach. Stretch marks added blemishes to his otherwise embarrassingly ghostly skin, pale from never even attempting to remove his shirt to tan.
What would Dylan and Rus think if they saw him naked? Saw every flaw he tried to hide from them?
Kaiden was tired of hiding himself. If he really wanted to be with Dylan and Rus, then he needed them to see who he was underneath it all.
“Since we talked about what ifs and where we see this going in the future,” Kaiden said from inside the bathroom, slowly creeping out into the main corridor of the apartment. “I thought you both deserved to see who I really am underneath everything. And if you’re grossed out, it’s okay. There are things about my body that are permanently changed after weighing 340 pounds.”
Rus and Dylan sat up on the bed, staring at Kaiden as he stepped out of the bathroom, shirtless. Even with his slacks still on, he felt completely naked in front of them for the first time. They saw his every flaw and remained speechless.
Kaiden shamefully folded his arms over his chest, hiding his saggy pecs.
“I…” He couldn’t form words. The lump in his throat grew, and he knew soon enough his eyes would water.
Before he could retreat back to the bathroom, Dylan stood to his left, grabbing hold of one of his arms. It startled Kaiden, taking him aback so much so that he surrendered his hand to Dylan. Then he noticed Rus on his right side, grabbing hold of his other arm, delicately moving it back to Kaiden’s side.
Kaiden stood silent, unsure how to feel having them both so close to him, invading his space, seeing his body so close up. It was a mistake, a horror show he should’ve never shared.
“You’re beautiful,” Rus said, gently kissing Kaiden’s chest.
“Absolutely breathtaking,” Dylan added, caressing his hand over Kaiden’s stomach.
Kaiden almost collapsed right then and there, baffled by their reaction. They continued kissing his body, tracing their fingers over his skin, and Kaiden buzzed from the sensations. He’dnever allowed anyone to see him shirtless. Not since he was eight years old. Not once. Not in the shower. Not at a pool. Not anywhere ever.
Slowly, they made their way back to the bed, continuing to kiss each other. Kaiden lost himself in the bliss, the pleasure of their embrace. They didn’t have sex immediately. Much of what happened next involved kissing and cuddling and losing themselves in each other. It became impossible to tell where one of them started and the next one ended.
Soon, they were all naked, on top of the covers, and for the first time in Kaiden’s life, he didn’t feel shame over his body. Even surrounded by these two gorgeous men, he felt just as beautiful. Just as worthy.
Kaiden spent the following morning out on the balcony, staring at the all-too-scenic view of the apartment complex parking lot. A truly spectacular sight as he took deep drags from his vape. Admittedly, the huge clouds of strawberry smoke helped distract him.
The sliding glass door rattled behind him, and Rus stepped out, tucking his arms into his T-shirt sleeves.
“Burr.” Rus’ teeth chattered. “You realize you can smoke inside.”
“Yeah,” Kaiden said wistfully. “Just needed to clear my head.”
“You okay?” Rus asked, poking his hands through the opening of his shirt and sparking a cigarette.
He looked kind of like a grumpy dinosaur with his tiny arms hidden beneath his horror shirt and his hands just barely sticking out underneath his chin.
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” Rus asked, exhaling smoke. “Is it about last night?”
“No, not at all.”
Kaiden immediately noticed the concern in Rus’ gaze. Perhaps he wanted to reassure Kaiden that he had nothing to be ashamed of with his appearance. Thankfully, Kaiden didn’t hold any reservations for last night, finding it truly comforting to know Dylan and Rus saw him for who he was and didn’t think less of him for things about his body he couldn’t change.
No, the current dilemma haunting Kaiden seemed so trivial yet dire all at once. Kaiden stared at the voicemail notification on his phone, contemplating if he should just delete it outright.
“My mom left me a voicemail,” he said. “It’s probably just to yell at me for what happened with Sandra, but also maybe she’s just worried about me since I pretty much left without a word. Or maybe she’s just calling to cuss me out for being a shitty—”
