Although maybe I'd already paid the price upfront.Neither of us had been given an easy road; our road together sure as hell hadn't been smooth.Fuck, westillhad a massive amount of work ahead of us to try and get Creche Thiel back on solid footing, to handle Vivith and whatever they were working on, to deal with the leverage the Unbound had against us.So maybe thiswasrighting the error.Maybe this was what we got for suffering through the rest of it, on our own and together.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice someone approaching until they sat down next to me.I jerked, startled, and turned.
Vivith blinked back at me.
"You're not supposed to be here," I said like an absolute idiot."You haven't made a petition for a meeting.You're not even supposed to talk to me yet."
They fluted out a derisive sound."You are as observant as ever," they said, acrid.Then, eyes gleaming as they studied me, "You are wearing thecaldathess.I suppose it was inevitable that you would relent.Even Araxis would lose interest after long enough, so I am certain your timing was no coincidence."
They wore their customary expression, that same sneering superiority that shaped their angular features starting from the very first time that I'd met them through to every time since.It was like a song, calling to something dark and awful inside of me.I could feel the anger rising in me, alive and hungry; I could feel it crackling through my chest.Radioactive, humming brighter and brighter.My fingers tightened, hard, on the edge of the wall.I swallowed once, biting back the thousand things I wanted to say.
Instead, I risked a quick glance at Araxis, but his back was to the window; he was standing at the counter inside as the three children talked up at him, animated.Should I just walk away?Or would he feel me looking and see that Vivith was here and then come out to my rescue?Or, I don't know, maybe he'd come to Vivith's rescue; I felt dangerous in that moment.Shards of pain radiated up my knuckles where they'd split before when I'd lost control, still not healed all the way.
I didn't want to lose control.I didn't want tobesomeone who lost control, not like that.
"It is a relief that it is done, in any case," Vivith said, sounding for all the world bored.They examined their sharp talons, flicking the ends against their thumb."I do not think I would have been able to bear watching him court you again.It is punishment enough to have seen him falling all over himself to impress you.There were times when the embarrassment I felt on his behalf made my skin crawl.Now, perhaps Araxis will be able to conduct himself appropriately.We should callthatmy atonement and be done with it."
"You know what's actually embarrassing?"I started, a little breathy.I wanted to say so much.I could taste the words on the tip of my tongue.Making snide comments to boost your own ego, that was embarrassing.Being a conniving little shit, that was embarrassing.Shoving your own family into the line of fire, that wasembarrassing.Using privileged information for leverage,that was embarrassing.
"Oh," said Vivith, dry."Do enlighten me.Will you endeavour to use a multi-syllabic word today?I am not certain that your new habit of paying to get beaten senseless in a filthy little gym will have helped you with your eloquence – but then our Araxis is not particularly interested in what you have tosay, is he?At least your little exercise in attention-seeking via self-harm has finally come to its conclusion."
I stood up, sudden, and gave my hands a hard, violent shake before shoving them into my pockets.They curled into vicious fists, nails digging crescents into my palms.
"Going so soon?"asked Vivith, still seated on the wall."Or are you afraid you'll lose your temper?Even abayan children can control themselves, Sashen.How will you be up to the task of sitting at Araxis's side when you can't even manage youremotions?"They said the last word with such scorn that a part of my brain whited out, and when I came to, I was inside of the shop at Araxis's side, as he blinked at me, concerned.
I inhaled, hard and sharp, then puffed out a breath."We have a guest," I said, as he pushed the sweet tea he'd ordered for me toward me, which required that I uncurl one of my hands, relax my white-knuckled grip enough to take it.
Araxis turned his head, and if I hadn't been watching, I would have missed the play of subtle emotion that flashed across his features.In a second, it was all smoothed away again, and he simply looked back at me, shrugging one shoulder."I see no one of any note."He leaned and pressed a quick kiss to my mouth, smiling as he pulled away."Adrathi, Talvi, Sadin, we are going home to be with our creche-mates.Adrathi, take my hand as we leave."
The children, gathering their sweet confections, dutifully spilled out of the shop.I could see the moment that Sadin recognized Vivith's familiar, shadow-shrouded shape, perched across from the shop, their angular body hunched forward as they stared at us with dark eyes.He stiffened for a moment, casting a wide-eyed look back at Araxis, then at me, and then he reached for Talvi's hand."Let's go," he said, tugging, and Talvi nodded, sipping on their violently pink tea through a glittery straw.
"You follow behind them," Araxis murmured, nudging me forward a little."Stay close."
So I did, taking a few quick steps to catch up as Sadin resolutely led the way down the pedestrian street and toward the main thoroughfare that would take us home.I spared a glance behind us.Adrathi had started to cry, and Araxis knelt down at her side, speaking calmly and seriously, still wearing his flower crown.Vivith hadn't moved.
I couldn't keep watching.This was creche business, yes, but it wasn'tmycreche business.I caught up to Talvi and Sadin, sipping on my tea.It tasted almost like apples with some sort of warm spice, although I couldn't appreciate it with the way that anger and apprehension were simmering in my gut, sour.
"I'll miss the station," said Talvi seriously as we approached the corner of the thoroughfare."I like it here."
"But Thelessia is on a whole planet," said Sadin, slurping loudly on his tea."It has a real sky and real clouds and real dirt under the snow.Teacher Kekobu says it's good to put your feet in the dirt.It's probably good to put your feet in snow too."
"I like dirt," admitted Talvi slowly."And – are there spiders on Thelessia, Sashen?"
"Spiders are from Earth," Sadin explained before I could get there."But our Elethenn says that Xitera has lots of bugs that are good for eating."
They continued chattering away while I glanced back again as we rounded the corner.Adrathi was walking next to Araxis now, slurping on her straw and blinking very quickly as tears dripped down her cheeks.Vivith followed only a few paces away, but their stare was pointed downward, tracing the ground as they walked.
We continued in this way – I walked ahead with Sadin and Talvi who'd started peppering me with questions about how many planets I'd been on (one, plus an asteroid), how many stations I'd lived on (three), how many humans were on Thelessia (none, not yet anyway; there'd be one before too long), how many humans were everywhere (how could I even estimate that one?); Araxis and Adrathi walked some distance back, Vivith trailing like an unpleasant shadow – until we arrived home.I waited outside the front door, sending the children in and waiting for Araxis and Adrathi to draw near."Go on," I said as Adrathi approached."Your hatch-mates are inside.And I've heard a rumour that theymaybe helping Elethenn stuff dumplings in the kitchen."I'd managed to fire off a message to Elethenn on the walk back saying that the kids would need a distraction, and he'd made the suggestion.
She sniffled, nodding morosely, and then shuffled in through the front door, which I closed behind her.My eyebrows raised as Araxis looked at me, face neutral; behind his shoulder, I could make out the pale mask of Vivith's features.
"So," I said slowly."We've got a bit of time before that call with Egnax to review the schedule for the week."Did he just want to keep pretending Vivith, who'd obviously flouted the expected rules for completing an atonement, wasn't here?They must have come back for some purpose, but these waters were well over my head.Was it good that they were back now, or bad?
I mean, I wasn't expecting it to be great, not after they'd cornered me and then spent every breath doing their best to insult Araxis.And to hurt me, I supposed, but that was par for the course.
Araxis blinked slowly, then nodded."Would you care to review some of your language lessons with me?I understand I am not as skilled a teacher as Inmadra, but I can endeavour to be as exacting."
"Sure," I said, so that's what we did.Araxis and I went inside, leaving Vivith standing on the covered walkway that led from our suite of rooms to the thoroughfare below on street level.We reviewed my latest language exercises, sitting at the low table in the dining room while the children puttered about as Elethenn put them to work.Adrathi found her way to my lap, where she curled up, her head resting on my chest over my heart, while I tried my level best to run through an entire conversation with Araxis in abayan – which was challenging not just because I fucked up about every three words, but also because I was having a hard time focusing on grammar, given the dark shadow I knew was lurking outside our suite.I wanted to know what Vivith was playing at and why we were all pretending that they weren'there.
