If Naival thought they were going to come for Araxis, if they thought it would be easy, if they thought they'd catch him off guard, orunguarded, they would soon discover the error of their fucking ways.
That night, when we crawled into bed, I pushed myself up so that I was looking down at Araxis from above.It was too dark to make out the expression on his face, but I could see the gentle quiver of his pale eyelids, a flicker of barely-suppressed emotion."You'rehead of house," I said, quiet and firm."You'remaking the decisions.You'rein charge.No matter what Vivith thinks, Thalidi choseyou, Araxis.I hope Vivith heard you this time."
Beneath me, he exhaled, soft."Did – Was that handled well?"
I heard the unasked question.Did I do a good job?
"Yes," I murmured, leaning down and pressing my mouth against his."You were clear and strong and firm."Then, because I thought he needed to hear it, "My perfect sinnenthi."
He nuzzled his mouth against my neck, wrapping himself around me as we settled in for the night, his skin familiar against mine, his breathing as necessary as the beating of my heart.
Mine,like I was his.
Chapter25
Control
Ialways hoped for a dreamless sleep, but apparently, even when IthoughtI wasn't having nightmares, they found me all the same.
I woke that night with Araxis hovering above me, propped up on one arm."Sashen," he murmured, his hand resting gently against the centre of my chest, face little more than a white smudge in the dark of our room."You're here with me, beloved."
Had I been somewhere else?I tried to recall – there was nothing distinct, only vague impressions and a lingering flutter to my pulse."Was I having a nightmare?"I asked, voice thick with sleep.
He hummed an affirmative, cool fingers rubbing against my chest, soothing.
"Sorry," I mumbled, hoarse.At least I could breathe this time.
"Why would you be sorry?"Araxis blinked down at me with his fathomless eyes, his endless black stare, and he smiled."You have not had a nightmare for some time, beloved.But I suppose there is a lot on your mind, hm?"
I blinked up at him, thoughts still hazy, shivering beneath his touch.Therewasa lot to think about: Vivith was back and we were going to meet with the Unbound again, and then –
Someone wanted to kill Araxis.Notsomeone, a creche.Others had agreed.Still more had to know.I'd thought – I'dhopedthat I was through having to fear for his life.I didn't want to do that again.
I stared up at him as he continued to touch me gently."Are you scared?"I asked.I thought it was possible thatIwas.
Because in bits and pieces, I could feel at some of the vague edges of my dreams.We'd been in the botanical gardens, and also at the gym.Had Araxis been bleeding?Had I?I could remember shadows, deep and dark and terrifying; the groan of a loudspeaker; the roar of a crowd; the feel of gristle beneath my hands.
I shivered again, and this time it was unpleasant.Araxis made a soft, concerned sound, shifting his weight, brushing the backs of his fingers against my cheek."I am not afraid, Sashen, no.You make me brave.You are, after all, much braver than I am: I only aspire to some of your strength."
Warmth blossomed beneath my ribs as I smiled up at him, the edges of sleep slipping away as I was drawn, more and more, to the present."You should wake me up more.I like this."
He fluted out a short breath, amused, moving his hand up to my hair, where he threaded his fingers through my tousled waves, which were probably well on their way to being tangled."It is a shame either of us requires sleep," he admitted as I lost myself in the pleasant way he was carding his fingers through my hair, the way one of his legs had shifted to hitch over mine, his thigh nestling against my soft dick, which noticed that added pressure with some interest."You could be free of your bad dreams, and we could have so many additional hours together without anyone attempting to fill them withmeetings.I do worry, sometimes, that our time together will become even more limited once we arrive in Xitera.Already, Xitera intrudes.I wish only that I could have you all to myself."
He said it, and I saw the regret flash across his features a second later.He opened his mouth to correct himself, so instead I shifted my hips against him, reaching down to catch his waist as I hummed gently."I like it when youhaveme," I murmured."I like it when you remind me that I belong to you."
His chest hitched with a shocked inhale.Araxis shifted his weight, adjusting himself so that his leg was fully slotted between mine, so that my thigh was pressed against him as well.Still he played with my hair, nibbling on his lower lip.I could see that much, even though it was dark; it was like being around him made me so tuned in, so eager to see it all, that I'd unlocked a new level to my senses.Like I wanted to know him so fully, to notice every tiny detail, that my body sharpened and improved, all for his sake.
He moved himself against me, thigh grinding against my thickening cock with purpose and intention.Then, hesitant despite the gleam in his eyes, the hunger I could feel crackling between us, "Is this – Is this alright, Sashen?"
Was it alright that he'd woken me up from a dream and wanted to fuck?In what universe would thatnotbe alright?Besides, now that we weren't just inching closer to Xitera but Xitera was coming for us, maybe what he needed was a sure thing.Maybe he needed to feel his power, to feel in control like he had when I'd had him in the meeting room.I could give that to him.
You're in charge, I'd told him last night when he'd needed to hear it, and while Inmadra had said thatin chargedidn't make sense within bed, that was because she lacked imagination.Given that the rumours about the two of us centred on whether or not he had mein hand, I could only assume.
I could be a sure thing.I could be pliant for him.I could defer, and I knew how to do it in bed.Hewantedme to belong to him, and I could.
My hands sought out his hips, fingers digging into the plush curve of his ass as I pulled him harder against me, encouraging his tentative motions."More than alright, better than nice," I said quietly, rocking against him a little."And I know I don'tactuallybelong to you but we can pretend.Sometimes," and I licked my lower lip, staring up at him and the hesitant expression on his features, ready to offer him whatever he wanted, "I like the idea of being commanded.I like the idea of – deferring.Like when you said you'd take what you want from me.Ilikethat, Araxis."
Araxis went still.I brushed my thumb against his forearm, palming the corded muscles there."Do you want that?"I murmured."Do you want to –" I reached for the phrase in abayan, which I still didn't fully grasp although I knew it had something to do with the way sinnenthi were with virra, "exert control?"
