A sharp, sudden exhale ghosted my skin, his breath cool."I – Sashen, if you wish to defer – I would notask–"
"I know you wouldn't ask," I said."That's why I'm offering."
"Then,yes," he murmured, switching to his own language."Yes, beloved, if you give yourself to me, I will tend to you in the way you desire." And then he dropped all pretense of conversation and, instead, set himself to having me in the way he wanted.
And maybe it was the day we'd had – the way Vivith had rattled his position and authority, or else knowing he was such a threat that the Concord was coming for him, or how close we were getting to our departure from Sozamia and arrival in Xitera; maybe it was everything and nothing at all – but I realized, distantly, that the way Araxis was tending to me was – intense, even for us.The teasing was gone, the wry little smile, and instead he was dedicated only to the delicious tension between us: his mouth was commanding against mine, and he shifted his weight so that he wasn't just pressing between my thighs but was holding me in place.He wasn't any heavier than I was, and I was strong on my own, but the way he was able to pin me hard into the mattress made something twist inside of me.I wasn't sure if it was pleasure or alarm.Maybe it was both.Was it weird that it was both?
It felt like my body was sinking into the mattress under his weight, his mouth hot and eager against mine, his teeth sharp and catching on my lower lip and my tongue as he devoured my mouth.My hips rocked up against his hard body, my cock covered by only a thin layer of fabric that already felt sticky and damp.One of his hands shifted, thumb digging hard into thecaldathess; that bright burst of pain and pleasure made me grind harder against him, but he was as immovable as a mountain.A weight bearing down on me.
And then that same hand shifted, curling gently around the column of my throat, and I wasn't sure I liked that at all, an edge of panic rising within me like a wave.I shifted, an embarrassing little whine sounding in my throat, and it was that sound – maybe because it was so similar to an abayan subvocal of distress – that made Araxis pull back, his dark eyes hovering just above mine as my skin throbbed, tight all over."I – Did I misunderstand –" His hand moved away.He went to push himself up.
"I – No, it's –" My hands caught his hips, refusing to let him leverage himself away from me, and I was hot all over and embarrassed and also painfully aroused, my cock hard and throbbing under the weight of his body."I used to be able to be choked, but – I don't think I can any more.Maybe we can try, though, if you'd like that.I can – Yeah, I think I could try."If I said it out loud, it had to be true.I wanted to be that for him.I wanted him to have everything he wanted.
Araxis stared down at me, the black of his eyes vanishing in a flash of white as he blinked."Oh," he breathed."Oh, beloved, no.Here, let me show you."He took one of my hands and pressed it to his throat, and he must have felt the uncertain tremble in my fingers because he added in the softest, gentlest tone, "It's alright.You won't hurt me.Just rest your hand against my skin.Feel."
My heart was pounding hard against my ribs, my hand pressed to the long stretch of his throat, his hand on my wrist keeping it there.And beneath my palm, I felt a gentle thrumming, a buzzing rumble.
"I do not want to choke you, Sashen," Araxis said, and I couldfeelthe subvocal purring beneath his skin.He shifted his neck, almost rubbing himself against my palm."This is what it means toexert control.I thought you understood, but I should have explained.If you were abaya and I touched you in this way, I would feel your kelthil, if you allowed me to.It is – erogenous, in a way.Not always.It is, as you have said, a commanding and controlling hold, but a gentle one."
I stroked my thumb against the column of his throat, the sensation of his subvocals against my palm almost electric.Tingling.I'd touched him so many times.How had I never feltthisbefore?"But...I don't have a kelthil," I murmured.
"And yet… Icouldtouch you in this way."Something about the shape of his eyes, the tone of his voice, made me think he was a little shy about it.
I shifted my hand so that I was tracing my fingers down his throat, letting my nails scratch the smooth planes of his skin so, so lightly.
"I do not wish to control you," said Araxis, still sounding reticent even as he arched his neck into my touch, his hips sliding hard against mine so that I was reminded, with a sharp ache of pleasure, that my cock was still hard; I choked back the little groan fighting to break free, but I could see from the glint in Araxis's stare that he'd heard it."But perhaps… we might pretend?"
"Okay," I breathed, and then I found his hand in the dark and brought it back to my throat, which I bared to him.
His eyes were endless black above me, twin voids calling me ever deeper into the abyss, and his fingers flexed gently against the tender skin of my throat."Then tell me how I can touch you."
"You can touch me any way," I said."I like everything."
"Sashen."His thumb traced the line of my jaw as I stretched my neck beneath him, exposed."It causes you distress.That is not what I want.You – like it when I rest my hand like this."He shifted, curving his palm around the back of my neck, and I shivered beneath him, because Idid, and of course he'd noticed.
I nodded, barely.And it wasn't like it should be difficult to negotiate this – how many times had I done this for clients?– except that I'd never had to do it formyself.And how did I do it for myself when I was also trying to be whatheneeded?I was sure I could find a line for us to walk.I was good at that.I could pour myself into any shape, and I could like just about anything.
"If I hold the front of your throat, that is upsetting."His eyes were glittering and dark.His touch shifted, palm deliciously cool, his thumb nudging up beneath my chin as he palmed the side of my neck."And this?"
My heart was throbbing unpleasantly in my chest as he stared down at me, and I couldn't bring myself to speak.
"Tell me," he said, gentle, and Iwantedto be deferential for him.Iwantedto obey if that was what he needed, so I leaned into the touch a little, feeling his fingers, the firm pressure of his thumb.
My tongue flicked out to my lower lip, my heart fluttering, the sensation just on the edge of too much.I made myself say it."That's – okay.Just.But I want to be able to do this.I know you won't hurt me, Araxis, Iknowthat –"
"Beloved," he said, voice low and rumbly in a way I could feel in the cavernous space beneath my ribs."What I want above all else is your pleasure and your well-being.You will tell me if anything becomes too much.Youmust.And, Sashen: we agreed, we would only engage in acts that we both enjoy.Is this something you want?"
"It is," I breathed, because it could be.I'd liked all the sex we'd had so far, and this wasn't so different from when he'd tended to me like a sinnenthi in the shower or when I'd knelt before him in the meeting room and he'd taken what he wanted.It was just – a little more.I could do a little more.Stars, I'd donea lotmore in my career.So I licked my lips and said, "I like it when you're commanding.I like – giving you control."
"Hm."Araxis shifted my chin with his strong thumb so that he could drink in the long expanse of my throat."And so you will give yourself to me now:you will place yourself in the palm of my hand,and I will honour you with the power I hold."
It was a line from the declaration I'd made to him, bloodied and ruined on the sands.I hadn't understood it then, but I understood it now.
"I am yours," I said, a soft exhale, and Iwas.Always and entirely.
When he moved against me again, he felt – confident, commanding.Completely in control.He slipped his hand beneath the waistband of my briefs, spreading pre-come from the head of my cock down its length as he worked me over with what felt like a certainty borne of practice.His mouth caught mine again and I gasped into the heat of him, which made his hand flex against my neck, just barely.His long fingers were tight around my dick, tugging and twisting in the way he knew I liked as my hips tried to thrust up against him – pointless, because I was held, pinned,capturedby the weight of his body.
All at once, Araxis used the strength of his legs to push himself to his knees.I sucked in a breath, hating to lose the weight of him, but he quickly shifted in the dark, rolling me to my side, manoeuvring me with confident hands so that I was tipped forward against the bed, my cheek on his pillow, my hips canted up.He slipped one hand back to my neck, holding me firm, and the other one slid my briefs down my thighs which, I realized distantly, were shaking.
