I let the pieces rearrange themselves in my mind, trying to follow."So you're not a doctor."When Rodil shook their head, I let out a startled laugh."Oh shit, that's why you're so fucking bad at actuallyhealingme."
"Yes," they admitted with a smile that was almost chagrined."And youareinjury-prone, aren't you?You throw yourself in harm's way almost as readily as your sinnenthi throws himself at your feet."
A spike of anger straightened my spine, my fingers flexing where they were resting against my thighs.But I couldn't let the wolf out, not yet.I had to keep its leash wrapped between my fingers until I needed it.Right now, I needed tothink.
"So you… recruited Elethenn," I said, trying to lead Rodil back to where I wanted us to go.
"It was not difficult.A few conversations with some of my contacts in Creche Hanalthi, an agreement between Creche Naival and Creche Hanalthi, and it was done.Elethenn will be glad to be of use again to Creche Hanalthi and his head of branch once this business is concluded, won't you?In recent weeks, I have not been certain I could attest to your atonement – you have not been terribly helpful inside of the creche – but you were of some utility this past day."
Elethenn stared at the floor, shoulders hunched, my wristband clenched between his fingers.
I sifted through all of the interactions I'd had with Rodil.The times they'd patched me up at my apartment.Their questions.The way they'd listened to me, crying about my wrist.The questions they'd asked.Thequestions.
I kept my face perfectly blank, looking down to the glossy table in what I hoped was a reasonable approximation of deference.I'd been too worked up to say anything, thankfuck, but Elethenn knew we were working with the Unbound.And if Creche Naival knew, if they knew Araxis had beentreasonous, then we were well and truly fucked.Then itwouldbecome about negotiating by whatever means necessary to get Talvi out of their clutches.
Was this where I put the idea that I'd have done anything for the kids to the test?Was this where I negotiated, what, myself into their custody?
I had to know, because the answer to what Elethenn had shared changed everything.I glanced back up at him."So you were, what, an informant?"I asked, and I couldn't get the underlying strain out of my voice."Because I – I trusted you?And Araxis did?"
Elethenn's eyelids fluttered; his eyes were glassy.He swallowed, dry, and gave his head a minute shake."I only – I agreed only to make an introduction and to...be of assistance.To go where I was told."His stare jerked up for a second to meet mine, and he added, in hoarse abayan, "I have conducted myself poorly.I am wretched, I know."
Well, that was the understatement of the fucking year – but Elethenn said it like itmeantsomething, and the words kept catching in my mind as they circled through again and again.
His conduct –
At once, the memory came to me: sitting in that cluttered office, the air bright and sour with the smell of blood as Nizanin stared hungrily at Elethenn.He has conducted himself poorly tonight, and other times as well,Nizanin had said.What a wretched, ill-formed thing.He is not fit for a creche.Why mentionthat, like I should take notice?Why echo Nizanin's words at all?
Unless he was trying to tell me, to remind me, so that I could know he'd kept that to himself.I didn't let myself inhale, sharp, although it was a close thing.My heart thudded weakly against my ribs with something that felt an awful lot like hope, although I knew better.But maybe,maybeif Elethenn had held back, maybe we weren't quite as fucked as I'd feared, although I couldn't let myself go too far down that path.After all, I was still sitting in our meeting room with two enemies at hand and a child to save.I scrambled frantically for something else to offer Rodil so that my sudden silence would be less suspect.
Elethenn had agreed to make an introduction and to go where he was told, to help out.But we'd met by chance at the cultural centre where Nizanin had spoken, and Rodilhadhelped me out, but they hadn't gotten into the creche that way.That didn't happen until –
"Oh," I breathed, soft."The attack."
"Yes," admitted Rodil."You were never going to come to much harm: I sent Elethenn to follow in case the mercenaries were overeager.I would not have had to do something as crude as coordinating an assault, except that you have been such an unpredictable creature, Sashen of Creche Thiel.Another virra would have introduced me to their sinnenthi much earlier.A physician is an invaluable addition to a creche, especially one so vulnerable as Creche Thiel.I required a means to bring the matter to a head.And – well, itdidthrow your Araxis's political standing into question, which was an additional benefit."
I glanced back to Elethenn, torn.He'd tried to warn me, hadn't he?He'd told me to take a shuttle that day, that I looked tired and in pain.He'd tried to intervene.What was Rodil offering – what were Naival and Hanalthi giving him – in order to push him to these lengths?
I couldn't pity him, but in that moment Elethenn looked like he was being devoured from the inside by abject misery, like it was gnawing on his bones and cracking its teeth in the process, and so maybe I couldn't hate him either.
"Cool."I shifted my weight, just a little."Well, glad to have helped, I guess."
Rodil trilled, then."Ah, you have been of some inadvertent help, it is true."
"AnddidVivith even break into my apartment, or was that you?"I shot another pointed look at Elethenn."You were certainly quick to jump in andhelp out.'I have a background in security.'Real fucking classy."
Elethenn flinched as I spoke to him, his stare jumping up to meet mine for another heart-stopping second before skittering away."Theydidbreak in," he said, breathy."But –" He fell to silence.
"But," continued Rodil, "they did not stay for long and they took nothing, disturbed nothing; you would not have known they were there at all.It was a fine opportunity to undermine Creche Thiel.And there were some interesting missives on your display.It took some work, but –"
I felt myself go cold.I hadn't stored any of the data from Perseus ortothem locally; I'd sent it all through multiple relays, heavily encrypted, and always deleted it, just like Valerie told me to.
"I was eventually able to access the messages you were writing to your friend and to have them translated."They trilled again, beaming at me."Another gift, to learn that your sinnenthi had purchased your time and skill and that you were so very uncertain about your relationship.A few whispers in the right ears, and so much of the political work was done for us: with all you had done, it was not difficult to secure support on the writ of propitiation."
I forced my expression to a boring, neutral mask.So Rodil had been the source of the rumours – or I guessIhad been.And the only thing they'd been able to glean from the display had been the messages I wrote for Valerie Prior alone, the ones that synced from my wristband, where I caught her up on my life and talked about my feelings and was earnest and open in a way that I didn't exactly want to share with a Concord creche, or anyone really.Naival had gone pawing throughallof that, which was pretty fucking rich for a culture that claimed to value privacy so much.
It might have been horrifying if it wasn't so stupid.I wondered, not for the first time, why abaya were so fucking worked up over my relationship with Araxis.And really, did any of it matter now?Rodil wasgloatingabout finding out that I'd had mixed feelings about Araxis after Creche Naival had already tried to murder him.How wasthatthe thing that they thought would bother me the most?
The anger in my chest tightened a little more, flexing, tensing,coiling.
