"It's so nice to have fans," I said distantly as I pulled my attention away from Rodil and to Talvi, still hiding their face away."Look, Rodil, I want to make a deal with you right now."
"You are not arkathi," said Rodil."You are not able to negotiate."
"No, this is just me, Sashen, looking to make a trade.This isn't for the creche; it isn't for Araxis.It's for me, the human."I shifted a little and tried to shove the whole weight of my personality and my abayan gender into what I was about to say, as if being virra was something I could pour into words and meaning."I know you have our Talvi here to help assure that Araxis will be cooperative, right?"
"Yes," said Rodil, eyes bright with interest."He is sentimental.If his relationship with Vivith were less fraught, I would have selected them instead."
"Talvi is a child," I said."And I know, they're an abayan child and that's different from being human.But I would really rather that you held that blaster to me.How about it?You know Araxis wouldn't dare put me at risk.He'd do anything to keep me safe.Why don't you let Talvi just head out that front door?They could go right to the school – they know the way – and you can keep me instead."
I ignored the little whine of distress Elethenn made before he smothered it, but Rodil flicked him a sharp, corrective look before returning their attention to me.Rodil's head tilted."But Sashen, right now I havebothof you."In my peripheral vision, I saw Crozani shift in the hall ever so slightly, angling her pistol toward me just a little – a reminder that she could.
"You have us both," I agreed, "but you onlyneedme.I imagine you're going to find me a place in Creche Naival.Will Crozani expect me to declare for her?I can tell you right now, I won't cooperate with anyone or any creche that thinks it's reasonable to keep a child as a hostage when they have a perfectly compliant alternative right in front of them."
"Whether or not you intend to cooperate is insignificant," said Rodil."The matter will be forced.Youwilldeclare for Creche Naival.Youwillbe tamed, as you should have been from the outset.There will be many sinnenthi who are eager to take you in hand.You are a rather difficult creature, and sinnenthi do like a challenge."
Well, that hadn't worked.Then again, I wasn't playing to Rodil, not really.I let my stare drop down, shoulders curving forward; I let a little whine – something like distress – hum in my throat."But maybe they could at least come and sit by me?You're right: we're not going anywhere, not with two sinnenthi here, even if wewantedto make a run for it."
In the hall, Crozani trilled."Ah, it is as you said, Rodil!I was convinced you were joking.What nonsense."
I stiffened in place.Elethenn's head ducked even more, his hands flexing in front of his body.
"Ididtell you," Rodil intoned, amused."Yes, we have a sinnenthi guarding the hall, you are correct, and a very talkative, misled virra inthisroom.I have heard enough from you, Sashen.We will wait now for your Araxis."
"It's going to be hard for me to sit nicely and shut up if you're making Talvi this upset," I said, insistent."So if they could just sit with me, it would help, I think.Please?"I added a little quaver, right at the end, aware that I was pouring it on thick, so I ducked my own head too as if I were a supplicant.They did get uneasy when I cried, so maybe this approach would work.I'd do anything if it would get me what I needed.
Across the table, Rodil fluted out a flat sound of irritation."Very well," they said."Talvi, you may sit with your Sashen."
Talvi scrambled up immediately and came hurtling around the table, crashing hard into my chest.I squeezed them hard against me as they buried their face in my neck, trembling and whining."It's alright," I murmured, stoking my hand down their short braided crest, speaking quietly enough that I hoped Rodil wouldn't hear."It's okay.I've got you.Do you remember what I promised I would do to anyone who tried to take you away, way back before the Tournament?"
"You said – you can be scary," choked out Talvi.
"That's right.That's exactly what I said."I looked at Elethenn, and his mismatched stare caught on mine, startled.I weighed carefully what I was going to do next, turning it over in my mind.Crozani was in the hall, but she wouldn't want to damage me.Neither of them would, but Talvi was disposable in a way that I wasn't.Like Avelthe had been disposable.Like so many of the people I loved were.
I cradled Talvi against me, rocking them gently, as Rodil watched with some curiosity."Oh," I said conversationally, "I should probably mention, since you won't want damaged goods.I got stabbed in the attack on the ship."
"Yes, your Araxis reached out very early this morning to ask about treating such wounds," Rodil said, like I knew they would."I was able to deduce some of what happened as a result, despite your Vivith's reticence.I am certain you will survive.Besides treating such an injury is beyond my limited training."
So much for that attempt at getting Rodil alone.Next to them, Elethenn shifted."You were injured?"
I nodded, looking up at him."Yeah, got me right in the gut.I have to be honest, the Naival representative didn't seem too concerned.Just like they weren't too concerned about handling our creche's elders with appropriate care."I adjusted Talvi on my lap."How long have you had Talvi in here, waiting for me and Araxis to arrive?When's the last time you gave them something to eat, or let them use a hygiene room?"
It was a stab in the dark, but from the way Elethenn stiffened, I thought I'd hit the mark.Or at least somewhere in the vicinity."They will be fine," said Rodil, voice thin."We do not need any more of your commentary, Sashen.You have the child.We will wait patiently for your sinnenthi."
"Clearly, not everyone is cut out for – for care-taking or kindness," I said, and again I looked to Elethenn."I guess I just hoped for better.Thisis an easy fix, though: the kitchen's just down the hall."And again, I tried to pour as much of myself into those words as I could, willing him to hear, hoping against hope that I hadn't entirely misread the sinnenthi standing in the room with us.
I watched it happen: something in Elethenn… gave.Maybe it was the wet and miserable sounds Talvi was making against my shoulder as I held them tight to my chest; maybe it was the way I was looking at him; maybe it was finding himself here with me in another awful fucking meeting in which we'd both been reduced tothings.Maybe it was because here in Creche Thiel, we acknowledged that he was sinnenthi and that he had in him the capacity to defend this creche; we saw what he offered.Or maybe it was all impulse: it was clear to me that neither Rodil nor Crozani thought much of Elethenn, that he was a glorified servant relegated to the corner.Laughable.
But I watched something shift in his stature, all the same."I will take Talvi for a snack," Elethenn said, shoulders straightening."It is reasonable, Rodil, and it will calm them.A calm child is a cooperative one.We have learned that well these past weeks.Come."He held out a hand and Talvi whined against me, shaking their head.
"Go on," I murmured."You know our Elethenn will always keep you safe."And I pitched my voice so that he could hear it as he stepped in closer, and Talvi reluctantly dropped their arms from around my neck and instead raised a hand to take Elethenn's.
Rodil, absorbed in some message hovering above their wrist, made a derisive sound."They will not find Creche Hanalthi to be quite so indulgent.You should know this, Elethenn.You have become soft in your exile."
"Perhaps," Elethenn admitted as he stepped into the hallway, Talvi practically clinging to his thigh."But I am not yet with Creche Hanalthi.I will enjoy indulging a child of Creche Thiel while I still may."And then, shooting me one quick, frightened look, Elethenn vanished down the hall beyond, Crozani idly inspecting her talons as the pair skirted past her.
I waited to act until I could hear the click of a door closing in the distance.This wasmycreche; I knew the sounds of home well enough to understand how people were moving, even if I couldn't see them."Alright," I said, "I'm sick of being in something I've bled all over."I looked pointedly at Crozani, who still lingered in the hall, blaster gripped easily in her hands, and added, "You can come with me if you like.Get asneak peek.Rodil's already seen it all."
Then, in a series of quick and practiced movements – I'd spent a lot of years getting up and out of rooms in short order; from one client to the next, after all – I pushed myself up and slipped through the door into the bedroom, striding across that familiar plush carpet and heading straight to the closet.I heard Rodil and Crozani exchanging a quick flurry of words, but I didn't try to decipher them.I was on a mission.
