Now, though…
"Great," I purred."And how many other abaya are being held on the same charges?"
I felt a cool touch against the back of my hand as Lurjo started tapping away at the interface."Sashen."Inmadra's tone was firm, commanding, like an arkathi."You cannot."
I shot her a sideways look."I can."
She shook her head."This will be understood to be a statement on behalf of your creche.It is – No matter how progressive your Araxis is, this would be politically fraught.The Concord creches would –"
Oh, would it upset the Concord?I tugged my hand away."They'remycredits," I said, sharper than I intended."And whether or not Araxis would agree is beside the point – although hewill.ButIthink it's wrong to lock people up because they can't pay a stupid fine.I think it's wrong for there tobefines or – or debt claims in the first place.So if I can make it right, then I will."
Behind the polymer partition, one eye still pinned in fascination on the odd human and abaya pair in front of him, Lurjo made a wet gurgling sound, which was more or less a sigh from a marn."There are thirty-eight others detained for failure to pay fines for the same charges."
Which is how I ended up freeing a bunch of abaya from a shitty detention centre in Radiant Ward.Celravi looked delighted to see us when she was brought out, if a little confused."Oh," she said, "I was having the most interesting conversation with a historian who lives on Perthalia.Did you know, Inmadra, that they have recently unearthed a tomb made entirely of jade?They wonder if it might be the resting place for Arkedrin and Aevi."We sat outside on a little bench as the rest of the abaya drifted out.A few came over to offer their thanks to Araxis, which I waved away; one elderly abaya walked over, took my face in their hands, and pressed a kiss to my forehead with shimmering eyes before rejoining the little cluster of six they'd been part of.
Next to me, Inmadra fluted out a sigh."You seek to burn the blight, but risk the orchard," she said in abayan.
"He does not," said Celravi, who sat on my other side.She patted my shoulder affectionately, beaming."He gathers rushes so that he might light the way home and bed down safely."
And, look, I'd be lying if I said either of those sayings made any sense to me, but Celravi's tone and her affectionate touch still left my chest fizzing with pleasure.
We eventually returned to my apartment, Elethenn sounding incredibly disheartened when he admitted he hadn't been able to determine much."It wasn't a wholesale theft," he said, his head angled downwards as we stood around his dumpling cart, catching up."There were too many valuable items left."I scoffed and he spared me a little smile."With a value that would make them worth taking to pawn, in any case.Whoever came seemed to want… information, perhaps?I checked as well for any surveillance tech – there was none, but now you can be assured of your privacy."
I frowned."Do you really think that whoever broke in wanted...intel?"It was true, the display was gone.At least if someone had taken it with the hope of getting information, they'd be disappointed.
"The gaanith did say there were inquiries made about you," Inmadra said.
"Yeah," I sighed, suddenly exhausted.The question, then, was whether this was because of the creche or because of me and my fleeting broadcast fame.The fact that an abaya had broken in suggested the former, but Iwaspretty popular with abayan viewers, so who could really say?That thought made me crack a smile, and I looked at Inmadra, keen to move on, and said, "I am very popular.I will be great popular when I speak abayan." I fucked up the words so that she could correct me as we headed up to my apartment.I figured I'd go through my lessons while I tidied up and was surprised to see that everything had been put to rights already, and Elethenn had laid out the teapot, ready for boiling water.On the counter in the warming compartment rested an array of dumplings, gleaming like little gems.
I didn't know what I'd done to deserve to be surrounded by this much kindness, but I was grateful.Maybe it was like Rodil said: there was something in me, something about me, that made abaya think I had some sort of value.I resolved then that I'd do whatever I could to repay their kindness, to prove myself worthy of their generosity of spirit.The more I could show kindness back, the less likely they were to realize that the only thing special about me was what they placed there.That I was a mirror, reflecting what they wanted to see.Even when I wanted to be just Sashen, I was someone else.
And maybe that was for the best.I wasn't sure about what was lurking behind that reflective surface, not after years and years of shoving things down there to rot, unseen and untended.
Then, I just made tea and set out the dumplings and was happy, in my own way, to have three kind abaya in the apartment with me and another outside keeping an eye on things.And I tried not to wonder too hard who had been looking into me, and what their purpose was and whether they might turn, next, to something worse than asking questions and pawing through my things.
I didn't imagine violence would follow in my wake, or that it would grow, every day, stronger inside of me as well.
Chapter7
Unseen Wires
Imade it back just in time for the creche dinner and was unreasonably pleased with myself until I realized that Araxis wasn't joining us."There was a problem with the ship," Evreni said by way of an explanation when she caught me looking a little adrift after I realized Araxis wasn't just going to stroll in.
"What kind of problem?"
Vivith, who was setting a series of steaming dishes on the table, made a sharp hissing sound – a correction they sometimes used with the children."If our Araxis wishes to discuss the matter with you, he will.Even he would not discuss it at a creche dinner."
For one brief moment, I felt something furious flex and uncoil a little inside of me, as if, restless, it wanted nothing so badly as to leave the place where I'd been hiding it and strike.Vivith had beenspyingon me; they'd beentracking my movementsbecause they didn't like that Araxis was thinking for himself.They didn't like me or trust me; they wanted me to be nothing more than a piece of pretty set dressing.As I looked at Vivith, the thoughts all hovered, bright and present and tasting of blood, just behind my eyes and on the back of my tongue.But next to me, Adrathi was chortling happily as she flipped through a book I'd picked up for the kids at a vendor in Radiant Ward, which was all about a nyaan child and the things they accidentally absorbed into their body – and I'd never want to scare the children, not with the fetid anger inside of me or what it might become if I let it out.
Instead, I forced myself to duck my head and I murmured, "Of course," and I went back to looking at the book with Adrathi.The dinner proceeded while I wondered about Araxis; at first, everyone had spoken in Standard with quiet abayan asides, but I insisted that they switch entirely to abayan."It's good for me to be immersed," I said when Yalrinn looked concerned."That's how I learned Standard: there wasn't any other option."
Vivith was quick to comply and the rest of the table followed suit.And Iwasstill able to follow some of it, although I didn't try to jump in – what did I have to say about the new broadcast production ofYedina of the Amber Bladeor which cultural sites the children should visit in the main system of Xitera before they headed to Thelessia – so the conversation became a gentle wave of language washing over me, which gave me time to think.
Vivith had been following me, until Araxis had told them to stop, had issued a binding command.Abaya considered that a done deal.I wasn't so sureIdid.And then someone had broken into my apartment; someone had been asking Tam about me, looking for information.CouldVivith have gone down to Radiant?I waited for an opportune moment, and then asked Vivith how the meeting had gone in Central Ward.They'd looked irritated for a moment, and then said, waspish, that they'd left with a promising agreement for Araxis to review – before they reminded me with decided smugness that it was considered rude to bring up work at a creche dinner.
I'd said nothing, and instead studied them as they drifted back into abayan, speaking pleasantly with Evreni.I didn't think they were lying – if they were, Araxis would find out anyway – so the question was what they'd found out when they'd been nosing around.
Did Vivith know I'd been at the cultural centre in Radiant Ward?Did they know I was seeing Inmadra for language lessons, that I was paying a physician to patch me up after training, that I was buying more dumplings than anyone reasonably should?
