I was here, on Sozamia, and it wasVivithwho was furious at me, who was dragging me out of bed while anger crackled through the air.Vivith hated me; that wasn't new.They hated me and didn't trust me and thought I wascorruptingAraxis in some way.That I was a bad influence.They could join the long line of people in my life who'd thought that.
Four.
Araxis wasn't even here yet.He wouldn't let Vivith speak to me like that.He'd never speak to me like that, no matter what.
Three.
Probably it was the fines.And, honestly, I'd do that all over again.How could Inot?If I was able to help, then of course I had to.
Two.
If it was the spying, then I had a way out.And, sure, Araxis might hate me – I mean, he'd have to – but I thought he'd understand when I explained my reason.And I wasn't sharing anything bad: it wasn't like I was trying to hurt anyone.I was sharing worksheets, for fuck's sake, and maybe a little gossip that could help with trade.It wasn't like state secrets.It wasn't the kind of stuff that threatened lives or hurt anyone.It was nothing.
One.
I had the right to take care of myself, especially after what had happened.I was responsiblefor myself.And while I did want to give this thing a try – I really thought I did – I wouldn't do it at the cost of my own well-being or safety.I wasn't going to cut off an escape route.
I'd learned that much.
Alright.
I opened my eyes, straightened my shoulders, and forcibly shrugged on an unaffected demeanour.And then I let myself into the meeting room and sat down, waiting for Vivith to arrive and for the complete picture to reveal itself.
They left me on my own for ages, which had to be some sort of strategy.Why else wake me up at – I'd checked –too earlyin the morning, demand I get ready for a meeting, and then vanish?But I was good and made myself sit in the familiar meeting room, ignoring how my stomach growled and pretending like I wouldn't murder someone for a cup of tea.
I wondered if I should write something to Araxis – but what could I say if I didn't know what this was about?Maybe sorry, depending?
Finally, after long enough that any of the calm I'd forcibly scraped together had started to disintegrate, strand by strand, the door into the hallway opened and Vivith entered.They had a tray of tea, which they set on the table before taking a seat across from me.
Ah, so we were sitting confrontationally.
I waited as Vivith, pointedly ignoring me, reached for the teapot and poured two cups.They took one and placed it in front of their seat and then folded their hands pointedly into their lap, black stare flicking up to watch me.
We were also doingteaconfrontationally.I knew enough to understand that expecting someone to pick up their own cup after it had been poured was tantamount to insulting the hatchery they'd been grown in.
Thankfully, I had thick skin.
"Thanks for the tea," I said with an earnestness I'd gotten good at faking at Alet Trident's.I reached and scooped up the cup, taking a sip and pretending that the insult was entirely lost on me.
I watched Vivith watching me, their eyes flaring as they studied me, as if they'd be able to read something vital and revealing on my features.Any time I felt the urge to start talking – I don't do awkward silences well – I made myself take another sip of tea.Then, as my tea was growing worryingly scant, I gently bit the tip of my tongue, forcibly holding myself in place.
Finally, Vivith straightened from their usual curled-inward posture.They inhaled, deep, and set both hands flat on the table before them."You have put us in a perilous position."
I said nothing, only working the flesh of my tongue a little more firmly between my teeth.
"You act as if your actions do not impact this creche," said Vivith, their voice low."You wish to have the benefits and protections of belonging to Creche Thiel withnoneof the responsibilities.You wish to bank the fire and dance in its light.It means –"
I lost the battle with my tongue."I know what it means," I said, the melodic words flattened by irritation and my human mouth.
"I am certain youbelieveyou know many things.And yet I am left to wonder: how much of what you do is ignorance, hm?How much of it is deliberate?You have my hatch-mate fooled, of that I am certain – but you have not fooled me, SashenSolar.I know what you are."
My heart stuttered in my chest, but I kept my face perfectly blank."And what am I?"I asked, unwilling to back down as Vivith glared daggers at me.
Their fingers flexed on the table.Their eyes widened.The subvocal humming from their throat was like the edge of a bloodied knife, deadly and sharp."You are self-interested and manipulative.You are poison.You arewicked."
The abayan word hit me like a blade pressed to an open wound.Even in their language, it had the same connotation it did in my first language.Hearing it made something twist hard beneath my ribs, a pain so familiar it was almost welcome.Let not the wicked find shelter at your hearth.How many times had I heard that in the place that was supposed to be home?
I swallowed hard, forcing my chin to rise, just slightly.I said nothing.
