First, though, I stopped by to see Elethenn, who was packing up his cart.I'd had an idea – or maybe half of an idea; my brain wasn't particularly up to ideas at the moment – and it required some dumplings."Are you sold out?" I asked in abayan, tugging a thin sweater on over my head and suppressing a shiver in the cold air of the market.While Araxis had said I could keep our bedroom at whatever temperature I wanted, I had an easier time adjusting than he did so I kept it cold; I usually cranked the temperature in my apartment after my abayan guests left to enjoy the novelty of warmth, which meant that heading back into the ward was like taking an ice plunge.But considering my shirt still had blood spattered all over it, it wasn't a bad idea to cover up anyway – it was possible no one in Radiant Ward would notice, but being blood-spattered would definitely raise metaphorical eyebrows in Verdant.They might not even let me through the checkpoint.
Elethenn glanced up, smiling as I approached.His mismatched eyes gleamed with pleasure."I amsoldout," he repeated in abayan, stressing the verb and correcting my conjugation."Apologies.I should have thought to save some for you.You do usually stop by before returning to Verdant Ward."
I beamed, pleased to have followed that even with my fuzzy thoughts and the ache of my body, which seemed to blot out at least half of my ability to think coherently.Every time I breathed, I had to suppress a wince."You already fed me once," I said."This week has been very busy, so I wished to–" I stopped, scrunching my nose and searching for the right words, but they escaped me.I switched to Standard, resigned."The kids love dumplings, and I thought they'd be a nice treat to bring back with me.How would I say that?"
He said the words for me, which I repeated, and Elethenn nodded happily."Your accent reallyisgood, Sashen," he said, also in Standard.Then, strangely, something tense and uneasy flashed across his features.I don't think I would have noticed except that I was spending almost every single moment of my day with abaya, so I'd become pretty well-versed in their micro-expressions."You do seem to be in some pain.I would be happy to walk you to the ward shuttle docks so that you might have an easier trip to Verdant Ward."
I waved away his concern."I'mfine," I insisted, believing that if I kept saying it, it would become true."And I've got the day off from training tomorrow, so that's like resting."
"Hm."Elethenn carefully folded a square of patterned fabric, gray and green with streaks of white in the tassels around the edges, on the closed-up counter of his cart, his stare fixed on the glossy surface before him.His cart was always clean, which is what had drawn me to him in the first place."But your sinnenthi asks you to perform, even though you should be resting?"
That wasn't fair, and it was something I'd made up anyway."It was my idea," I said, committed to the lie."I'm not saying it's a smart one, but I'm hard to say no to.And making bad choices is one of my other special skills, but it doesn't tend to impress visiting dignitaries nearly as much as looking pretty with some swords."
Elethenn's dark stare flicked up, but he didn't even try to humour me with a laugh.
It was too bad about the dumplings.I would have loved to take some home; I could have brought them to Araxis in the morning for breakfast before we went and started training together.It had felt like – I don't know, like it might have been romantic.
Dumplings probably weren't very romantic.Did Iwantthem to be romantic?
"Since my schedule can be a bit unpredictable," I said, already exhausted by the prospect of the walk back along the inter-ward tunnels, "do you think I could ever reach out to you and order ahead?Oh, let me try that in abayan.Can I write to you and buy dumplings, which I will collect in the future from you?" I stopped, wrinkling my nose in what I knew was an abayan indication of amusement."I definitely fucked up those verbs, but I guess I don't really know your gender or how that relates to mine, or how that would affect conjugation."
Behind his cart, Elethenn stiffened.He repeated the sentence with several corrections and a wildly different conjugation that spoke to the gulf of power between us, so significant it was as ifIwas a prince and he was nothing more than the dirt beneath my boot."You know that I am – skoshas," he added, strained, as if saying it cost him something.
I was sure someone had told him that."Are you though?"I asked."Really?"
A subvocal whined from his throat."Of course I am.That is why I am here.One of the reasons I am here."
"But before?Is that how you actuallyfeel?"I was sure it was rude to ask, but I hoped that my general ignorance would take the sting out.
"I trained as antali," he murmured finally, no doubt resigned to the fact that I could out-wait him."And I prefer – a protective role."
Ha, arkathi.I fucking knew it."Alright, so it should be,I would appreciate if I were able to write to you to place an order in the future." It put us on the same level of power, although I indicated through syntax that he was arkathi and I was ishik, like I should.I thought Inmadra would be particularly pleased, although I could have said it more elegantly."So, can I write to you?"
Elethenn seemed unable to look at me.He smoothed the front of his apron, careful."If you wish to contact me – If your head of house doesn't mind –"
I felt a familiar flash of irritation, although it wasn't directed at anyone in particular.I wasn't irritated at Elethenn; I wasn't even irritated at Araxis.But Iwaspretty sick of every abaya I met thinking I needed to check in with my sinnenthi before I got myself in trouble or whatever.Even if they were occasionally right.
"Our relationship isn't like that," I said, flicking at my wrist and sending my ping information his way.His wristband, an older model that had seen better days, pulsed with a soft blue light.
"I – had wondered."Elethenn tapped on the notification, hesitating for a moment before sending his ping back."Be careful on the walk back, Sashen.As you know, there has been… unrest recently."
"Yeah, I know," I said with a wave.Then, "I look forward to when we next meet, Elethenn!" That time, I was sure to stress, by the word I used forwe, that we were friends.I didn't stay to look at the expression on his face, because the glimpse that I did get was absolutely heart-breaking.
It had to be hard, being crecheless.I knew we were going to be expanding the creche soon – that had been a topic of some interest at a few of the meetings – and that Araxis was intending to accept petitions from crecheless abaya.That also means he'd be accepting petitions from skoshas – but that didn't matter to Creche Thiel.I wondered if Elethenn might petition to join, or if he'd consider that overstepping.I was already putting in a good word for Rodil.Surely I could do the same for Elethenn and Celravi and Inmadra and Thodin.It might be nice to have creche-mates who actually liked me.
I slowly made my way to the nearest inter-ward tunnel entrance, my feet dragging a little with each step I took.Because I had time that Icouldbe using, I flashed up Val's message and started a reply about the different weapons I'd fired and what I remembered about the models (not much).I glanced up now and again to smile stupidly at anyone who sounded particularly irritated or who I had to step close to, but people in Radiant Ward mostly minded their own business, just getting on with the slog of real life here in the belly of Sozamia Station.
I was just telling Val about my success with the arc lance –I'm basically a prodigy,I wrote,my two innate talents are shooting one specific type of weapon while looking super hot and fucking all types of aliens– when I came to a stop.Some transport had been turned over in the tunnel I took to my usual exit out of Radiant, and there was a massive line to get through the checkpoint and a dozen or so ward guards buzzing around.I huffed out a resigned sigh, craned my neck, and took a quick glance at the map of the ward I had downloaded.
I could backtrack and get to another entrance deeper in the ward, although that would make my walk back to Verdant Ward longer.Or – I flicked through the map – I could cut through the Graves to an entrance that was almost on the way.It was a checkpoint I hadn’t taken yet because I mostly tried to avoid going through that tangle of alleyways, but I'd been a few times and no one had stabbed me yet.In fact, I'd met a particularly nice ketaari who carved little figurines out of scrap polymer.At my request, he'd customized some and the kids had been over the moon when I'd returned home last week with a spider, a cat, and a whale.
The Graves it was.I didn't want to walk for any longer than I had to.I tucked my hands into the pockets of my thin pants, the chill making my fingers a little stiff after the beating they'd taken, and I headed into the shadowy knot of alleys and tunnels.By now, I mostly knew my way through but I left the map hovering above my wrist, dim, to keep me on track.
It wasn't until I rounded a corner and made it about halfway down a narrow alley just two blocks from the next checkpoint that I realized something was up.
The narrow tunnel, which was dim and cluttered, was empty.Until I glanced up from my wrist display, double-checking that I had the direction right, and saw that there was someone standing at the end, blocking the exit, unmoving.
Surprise twisted in my stomach, unpleasant and sour, like missing a step on a staircase.I shot a quick look behind me, ready to pivot and head in the other direction, but the entry into the tunnel was also blocked by a looming figure, nothing more than a broad-shouldered silhouette against the dim orange lights of Radiant Ward beyond.
