"No.After."
"Thankfuck," I breathed, and Araxis trilled.We tidied everything up on the tray, and I took it to the counter before joining Araxis outside as we started our way back to the creche.
"Although –" Araxis asked after we'd walked only a little way, "what is aKhedean pleasure ring?"He said the words like they were utterly foreign to his tongue.I suppose they were, which struck me as funny on at least a couple of levels.
I grinned, hooking my arm around his and stepping in close in the cool ward air."That's the kind of thing you might want to add to your research."
"Is it unique to humans?"
My grin grew even wider."Oh, definitely not.Although it's certainlyhelpfulfor humans in my line of work.My former line of work.But it can be, you know, for workorpleasure.Sometimes both."
"Hm."Araxis was clearly pretending he hadn't flushed a pretty pink, so I decided to humour him and pretend I hadn't noticed."So that sinnenthi was thinking about taking you to bed."
"Or another horizontal surface.Or a vertical one.I've been told I'm good up against a wall."
He shot me a look."You areverygood against a wall.However, now that I understand what they were saying, I'm afraid I'm going to have to challenge them to a duel tomorrow.It is unfortunate, but."His mouth twitched, amused."I would like to impress my virra with my prowess.He is impressive in his own right, after all."
It was my turn to flush a little as we picked our way home."Did you want me to arrange for some media to be there?We could make a whole event of it."
"Yes, yes, you're right," intoned Araxis."I should not consider such a thing before we can assure we will have meaningful coverage.For our metrics."
"Anything for the metrics," I sighed, and then we laughed and made our way home.I'd barely gotten ready for bed when Araxis was pulled away to an impromptu video call with someone important on Thelessia about the state of the creche manor."You won't be long though, right?"I yawned as he went to step out of the room to another office deep in the suite to take the call.
Araxis turned to look at me as I settled into bed, the room dim around me.I couldn't make out his features, but I could see the way his head tilted as he watched me.And I was certain, deep in my bones, that he was smiling."I cannot say," he murmured, voice low and gentle.
"I'll wait up."After all, I'd liked how the evening had gone, despite how it had started.I'd liked kissing him; I'd liked touching him; I'd liked the clench of anticipation when he looked at me, his hands skimming along the shape of my waist.Maybe we could fool around a bit more, or maybe I could rest my head on his chest and listen to him purr as I drifted off to sleep.Maybe both; why couldn't I have both?
"Please don't," Araxis said, quiet."We have tomorrow.I've gone ahead and rearranged our training for later in the day.We'll meet with Creche Zivanis, then there is a provisioner we must speak with about finalizing the delivery timeline, then we might train and then you have the evening off.Which – Ah, I should not be speaking of it at all.You're finished work."
"This isn't work," I murmured, stretching and rubbing at my burning eyes, pretending I didn't wince when the muscles flexed over my ribs."This is just life.I don't mind."
He hovered there for a moment longer, and the longer he stood there, a familiar outline, the more I wanted –something.Something I couldn't quite articulate, although I understand better now what it was I was feeling.I wanted to tell him that I loved him, and that I was tired of pretending like there were two parts of my life; I wanted to tell him that I was ready to start taking down the wall I'd built between whoIwas and whowewere; I was ready, I thought, to let him in.I wanted to say that I thought I could hear his apology now, that my heart felt ready.That what was worse, now, was trying to pretend like I didn't feel lit up by a hundred thousand motes of light when he touched me or leaned his mouth close to me to whisper some confidence.I wanted to confess it all, there in our dark room, but the moment I opened my mouth to let some of it slip out, he dipped his head and left me there, a thousand unsaid things still sitting on my tongue.
I blinked at the dark place where he'd stood, and I nestled into bed a bit further.It was better, probably, to think more about all of that anyway, not to make decisions with my head all fuzzy with sleep and exhaustion and the warmth of affection.
I had another day off in a few days anyway.I'd clear my schedule for that day so that, when Araxis offered to apologize, I could say yes, and he could say what he needed to say and I could – Well.I could forgive him.And then we could fuck all day, like we deserved.Stars, we deserved a day off, together.
I held on to that dream while I laid there in bed, certain I'd stay awake until Araxis came back – but of course I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.
Chapter15
A Lot of Bother
That morning as we'd prepared for the meeting with Creche Zivanis over tea, Araxis seemed washed out and tired.I wasn't even sure he'd come to bed at all.He'd also been almost preemptively irritated, and fair enough.As we compiled meeting notes, it became clear that we'd rearranged our entire morning for nothing.Creche Zivanis didn't have much to offer beyond the promise of support on our petition for reinstatement, which we'd already secured through the house they served under, Creche Idrelli.
"They may have some propositions for their intended votes later in the session," Inmadra suggested."Or they may be hoping to take a closer look at Creche Thiel."
"Oh, they'd like to take acloser lookalright," I'd said, dry.
Which was about the sum of it: we'd sat around the table, speaking idly about the upcoming Assembly session and Creche Zivanis's planned proposal to adjust the admixture regulations on some metallic compound that was used in circuitry, all while the sinnenthi who'd been a lot the night before – Zeventith – watched me like a hawk eyeing a particularly fat mouse.Well, everyone else had spoken.I'd sat there, listening and making little notes on my datapad; Erra, the ranking antali diplomat on the ship currently docked at Sozamia, didn't speak Standard fluently, so the meeting was in abayan.Which was good: I liked steeping in the language, and jotting down unfamiliar words and terms gave me something to do other than feel the sinnenthi's stare on me.Every now and again, Inmadra would lean in to look at what I'd written down, taking the stylus and datapad from me to add tidy translations and brief summaries.
In the end, Inmadra and Araxis worked Creche Zivanis around to a percentage of sales revenue in the first five years of the new legislation in exchange for support.Even though the deal wasn't likely to be worth much, striking a bargain was considered a good result for everyone involved.Trade was preferable to favours, which Iknew,so I'd have to watch myself moving forward.
I'd made a mental note to pass that on to Perseus in my next missive – a hard-won deal was better than a kindness, but a favour could mean a lot too; there was a lot of talk abouthonour-boundthis anddutythat – and then I smiled prettily while everyone ran through same old phrases as business wrapped up.
As they'd been leaving, Inmadra and Araxis preparing to show them out, Zeventith had pulled Araxis to the side, just past the doorway from the meeting room and into the hallway."Having a virra is a great deal of work," they said in abayan, inclining their head toward Araxis."Your virra is certainly pretty, and more compliant than I had imagined.I suspect he is also a lot of–"
The word they chose either meant trouble, bother, or labour; I made a mental note, even as my skin flushed while I moved quietly in the meeting room, tidying up cups and rearranging cushions.
