"I understand that I handled the proposition inelegantly last night, so allow me to speak plainly: if you ever find him too much, consider reaching out.Once you are in Xitera, I am certain you could have your pick of virra.There are a number at court who like to play coy, and, as I understand it, you set them all alight when the Tournament was broadcast.I would take your virra off your hands once you're finished with him.I would very much enjoy seeing him yield, and I would take fine care of him.I know you would accept no less."
Mortification rippled along my skin as I picked the tray up.Had they been sitting there that whole time, imagining this conversation, sinnenthi to sinnenthi?I looked up and could see the dark stripe of Araxis's back in the doorway; I could see the way he tensed, going very still.
He was going to say something honourable and stupid.It's all fun and games to say you're going to fight someone for honour, unless you end up actually, accidentally meaning it."Sashen is not –" he began.
I stepped quickly out of the doorway, tray in hand, and bumped into him.The teapot tipped over with a clatter, the dregs spilling across the tray."Oh!"I cried, doing my very best to look surprised.
Araxis blinked at me, black eyes wide.He reached and righted the teapot, as I launched into a lot of mindless chatter about being clumsy and silly.The other sinnenthi watched me, amusement curling their mouth as a low, pleased trill left their throat."And I'll be honest, I don't even remember how to load the cleaning compartment.I don't mean to interrupt but –" And here I fluttered my eyelashes at Araxis, who was wearing the carefully neutral expression that meant he was hiding something (probably bewilderment), "Would you mind helping me?"
"Of course, Sashen."Araxis reached to touch my shoulder, his fingers trailing down one arm to where I held the tray.And then he plucked it from me, glancing back at Zeventith."Apologies.You can find your way?"
"Yes, of course," they said.Then, with a look in my direction that I could only describe asheated, like I was a dancer back on stage, they added, "What a sweet thing you are."
"My gratitude for your attention," I murmured, one of the stock phrases I had tucked away and then I turned and beelined toward the kitchen, Araxis saying something quiet in my wake before he followed.
The moment we were inside, he closed the door and set the tray down on the counter with a clatter.His hands came to rest on the edge, shoulder-width apart, like he was bracing himself; his head tipped down and I could actually see him take a deep breath, his chest expanding as he shook his head."They arevile," he ground out.
I rifled through the fridge, pulling out an electrolyte drink that I'd accepted I was hooked on.I jumped up to the counter, sitting on the edge around the corner from him – far enough to be out of reach, but not so far that he couldn't touch me if he wanted to."You sure you don't want to trade me in for a newer model?"I asked.It was mostly a joke.Maybe.
He looked up at me, still braced against the counter."I think not," he said."Besides, you would eat them alive."
A startled laugh burst from me and I grinned."Yeah, I may be pretty and sweet, but they don't know the half of it.What was that word –" I repeated the one that had been unfamiliar."Is that, uh, trouble?Bother?A lot of bother?"I tried the phrase.
Araxis pushed himself off the counter, rolling his neck."Hm, more like labour without adequate compensation.Picking fruit but most of it is underripe and cannot be used for preserves."He fluted out a thin breath, wandering around the counter to stand by my legs.He plucked the drink from me, taking a pull before handing it back.
I guess there had to be some truth to that, and the thought made my skin flush with discomfort.Iwasmaking him work, and it wasn't like winning me in the first place had been a walk in the park – although it could have been, if he'd just been honest with me.Minus the death tournament part.
And as he toiled along, what would his reward be at the end?We'd sit down and review our contract, and either I'd say that I wanted to stay or I'd take my credits and go.And along the way, I'd already demanded a lot from him: be present, but not too present; care, but don't ask too much; give me space, but only the exact right amount.Clean up my political messes, deal with the media, come get me from the guard station, rearrange your schedule so that you can indulge me when I want to be doted on.
You could have your pick of virra in Xitera.When you're done with him…
I hadn't realized that was even possible, thathecould choose to be done withme.I knew from what he'd said before the judiciary ship that it wouldn't be easy formeto leave.But that he could find someone else, someone who wasn't as – difficult.You'd eat them alive.
"What are you thinking?"Araxis's quiet voice pulled me out of the spiral that was tugging at my thoughts, an undertow dragging me away from the present and into the dark fathoms I didn't like to go to.
I'd been raised on the value of obedience.Following the dictates of those who knew better.A child who couldn't be obedient was a source of strife for the community, and I carried disobedience in my heart.
Why would anyone ever invitethatinto their home, their creche?All I'd had was being agreeable, pliant, easy – and I'd been quick to throw that all away.What elsewasthere?
"Sashen."Araxis moved to stand between my thighs.His hands settled on my legs."I do not think you are work.You are not my duty, and any labour is of my own making.You are not fruit, waiting to be plucked."His hands moved against my legs with enough pressure to start to pull me back from the oceanic shelf where I was currently floating, contemplating the black depths below.A tug on the tether, a reminder to swimup."You are a guiding star, beloved."
I blinked, looking at him as I tried to yank my attention to the present."I told you – stars are mine," I said, the words feeling a little disembodied, as if they were drifting from me rather than being shaped by my mouth.I set my drink on the counter, fingers numb."You've got to come up with something else."
He smiled up at me and shrugged."I think there are stars enough in the cosmos for us to share, don't you?Besides, I am not inavil.I have no facility with words or pretty phrases.You must take pity on me."
I wanted to ask him,butwillyou want someone else when we get to Xitera; I wanted to spill out the sudden tide of insecurity I could feel washing over me, blotting out that lovely confidence I'd had as we left the museum, late at night, all the edges of pain tapered out as we moved together with purpose.A team.I'd been certain I offered something, certain we were close tofittingagain.And now, that feeling was slipping away and I didn'twantit to.
So instead of telling him any of that, I did what I sometimes do when I don't want to say what's at the forefront of my mind but I don't know hownotto say it.
I reached out, taking his face in my hands and tilting his chin upwards.I studied his perfect face for a moment, staring into the black of his eyes, tracing the line of his jaw, admiring the white skin of his throat as he leaned into the angle, baring it to me, pliant under my touch.
And then I kissed him.
Araxis made a soft, pleased sound against me as I leaned into him, holding his chin so that I could taste his sweet mouth, so that I could hold him and keep him and make him mine.As if, by kissing him thoroughly, I could breathe out all of my secrets so that he'd have them but never have to look at them, and we could meet each other honestly, completely.
His hands shifted from my thighs, sliding around to the small of my back and tugging me closer.My legs tucked around him, pulling him in, holding him tight, and I couldfeelthe moment he decided to give in: how his body seemed to melt against mine, how he leaned into my touch, how his mouth went soft beneath mine.
"Is this – taking pity?"he asked between kisses, and I bit at his lower lip, my hands holding his perfect face, his body a firm weight against my hips.My skin had flushed warm, humming under his touch, my lips sensitive to every hitch of breath, every rumble from his throat, the way he smothered a pleased moan as I moved against him.
