"Yes, exactly."I swiped at the contract, flicking to the last page and adding a final line, slamming my thumb on the display so that I left a glowing biosignature.And then, angry for a reason I couldn't quite understand, I sent it to him, crossing my arms.
The file blinked on his wrist.He opened it.His eyes gleamed in the light slicing in from the windows as he skimmed the text, looking for the changes.
"Last page," I supplied, and he flicked through to the end.
I watched him as he read my addition.His eyes flared wide, lashes fluttering in the way that they did when he was surprised and didn't know what to do with what he was feeling.I watched the smallest tremble in his mouth, couldseehis mind racing, racing, racing.
"Sashen," he said finally, hoarse.
"Sign it."I kept watching, steady."That's what I want."
"But –"
"Look," I said, and despite myself, I could feel something quivering deep in my chest too.Like something alive, newborn and fragile; something still damp and shocked and on trembling legs."I tried distance.I thought if I took some space, I might – I don't know,feelless.I might need you less.But it's been weeks, and I've realized that I don'twantto need you less.I don't want to date you either.Iwantto be courted; I want to be courtedby you.If you asked me today to declare for you, even after everything, Iwould.I know what it means now, Araxis, and I would do it.So just sign the fucking contract, agree to an early termination, and let's move on with things.Let's move on together."
His eyes were glistening with unshed tears as he stared at me."I haven't even apologized," he tried."You deserve so much more, Sashen.You deserve everything."
I dropped my arms from where they were crossed against my chest, and I walked across the carpet toward him as he stood, looking vulnerable and terrified, in the middle of our room."I don't need you to apologize with words," I said, reaching for him and curling my hand against his neck while he shuddered under my touch."You've been apologizing with everything you've done, everything you've said.You've been living an apology for weeks, and it's worth so much more than words could ever amount to.And it's enough.I forgive you.Iloveyou.I'm proud of you – I'm inaweof you."
Araxis's eyes were shimmering, his eyelashes wet."I would like to say the words to you.If you would be willing to hear them."
"I'm willing to hear them," I murmured, tracing my thumb beneath the shape of his eye."If that will put your heart at ease."
His eyes fluttered shut under my touch, his body rocking toward me, as if I were the gravitational well now, as if he couldn't help himself.
"Sign it," I said, quiet and insistent.Because if we were going to do this, we were going to do itright.We were going to live it, not just segment it to my days off.We weren't going to play that game.We were going to be in it, and we were going to be in it together.
He nodded, eyes slowly opening as soft tears spilled down over his cheeks.He looked down at his wristband and pressed his thumb to the scanner, and my own wristband chimed to confirm the file had been completed.The document had been closed.I took a half-step back, added a layer of encryption, and sent it off to the judiciary ship where the original was being kept."Well, now thatthat'sdone," I said breezily, "we can get to other important business."
He blinked at me, eyes wet, and actually looked surprised when I stepped in close, nudging him backwards until his shoulders hit the wall between two windows.And I wanted to be all smooth about it – take his chin in my fingers, say something really slick and cool – but honestly?More than that, I wanted to kiss him and hold him close and love him in the way he deserved.
So I tipped forward and caught his mouth with mine.He made a soft sound, breathy, and I moved in closer, slipping my hands around his waist, grasping at the place where his fine silky undershirt gave way to skin, so I could slide my fingers across the expanse of his waist, touching places that were forbidden to everyone else.
His mouth was open and needy against mine, and I felt more than heard the heated rumble from his chest.His hands rose to my face, holding me in place as he pushed himself forward, kissing me with hunger, his tongue cool and insistent in the heat of my mouth.
One of my hands moved to the curve of his ass, my thigh slotting in between his legs.Araxis inhaled, surprised, even as his hips canted forward, seeking the friction of my body.I took the moment when his lips moved from mine to murmur, "You should mark me.I'd like that.I want that."
His hands moved a little, pushing me away slightly so that he could look at me.His eyes shimmered as they looked into mine, and I watched as his stare dropped, all heat, down to the line of my neck, his tongue flicking out to his lips.My untouched skin throbbed under the weight of his stare, and my fingers tightened against his body."Hm.I – Not yet, Sashen."His eyes were half-lidded, and even as he said it, his hips shifted against me, against my thigh, and he made a soft, strangled sound, head tipping against my temple as he struggled for some sort of control.
I stayed very still, trying to ignore the shiver of hurt I felt at his refusal."Why?"
His hands shifted to my chest and he exerted the smallest amount of pressure.I understood.I slid my hands out from under his clothes and took one step back, but Araxis caught my hand before I took another."Not too far," he murmured.He searched my face."I meant what I said, Sashen.I want to court you properly.I want to show you my devotion.I wish to demonstrate how seriously I take you, and how seriously I take us.I want to show that I will be a good romantic partner.It is – It feels important, after what I did.It feels imperative.Thecaldathessis – I have not earned it yet."
I could understand that if I really tried, although it sounded impossible.He didn't want to fool around because he wanted to show that he was a serious suitor?He wanted to demonstrate his devotion?To – what, earn my favour, like a knight at some ancient tournament?
In that scenario, I guess I was a princess.Although, let's be honest, in that scenario, my role would probably be shovelling shit and dying an early, miserable death after a short, miserable life.
"This hurts you," Araxis said carefully, fingers tightening on my hand."Why?"
My first impulse was to deny that I was feeling any kind of way.My second impulse was to reduce it all down to sex and being horny and how I liked the feeling of his mouth on my skin and his hand on my cock, and honestly I really needed to blow off some steam so couldn't we blow each other?
But this, I thought distantly, was the labour of my choosing.
I looked away.I couldn't look at him when I said it, instead staring at our unmade bed.I should have made it when I got up.I wasn't good at being responsible and together, not yet, but I'd learn to fake it."I just – I still can't believe that you'd want me in a serious way.Ofcourseyou'd want someone else, someone who understands abayan politics and can speak your language.Who's smart and capable and can actuallyhelpyou instead of, I don’t know, causing trouble and being…a lot of bother."
He inhaled at the abayan phrase, as if to speak, but I knew I'd lose my nerve if he interrupted, so I just kept talking."I know why you wanted me in the first place, and that's because I'm a prize.And then you wanted me because, you know, I'm good in bed and that's all new for you, and if I'm the only person you've wanted to fuck, of course you'd like to keep me around.I'mfun.And then you felt bad about everything and were kind of stuck with me, because of your politics and my – well, if you cut me loose, I'd be in alotof trouble, we've established that.So… I don't know.Wouldn'tyou want your pick of virra in Xitera?I hear they're all aflutter about your imminent arrival.I don't think I'm the winning choice here, Araxis, not really."
Araxis was quiet and still while I finished speaking.I wasn't looking at him so I didn't know what his face was doing, but his fingers were still tight on my hand.He stepped in closer; I could feel his presence even if I wasn't looking at him.I thought I could probably feel him anywhere, like we were tethered, like knowing where he was had become written into my DNA."I would choose you, every time," he said simply."I will always choose you.You aremychoice, among all possible others."
