We reviewed and talked and prepared until the first glimmer of light began to brighten our bedroom and Araxis finally convinced me to go to bed."Just for a little bit," I yawned, curling up next to him as he sat, shoulders against the headboard, looking over the notes we'd made on everything we'd talked about."Wake me up in a couple hours."
He didn't.The fucker let me sleep til noon.
I blinked awake, golden light spilling across the floors of our bedroom, and rubbed at my eyes, stretching luxuriously in bed.Araxis was standing in front of the display, skimming through the latest series of messages that demanded his attention.When he heard me moving, he half-turned, shooting a soft smile in my direction.
"Good morning," he murmured, tapping the board.
I glanced at my wristband."It's not morning."
"Hm."Araxis wandered over to the bed where I was still nestled, warm and heavy with sleep and feeling, in that moment, like I was living in a dream rather than a nightmare.Where lazy mornings and sunny afternoons could be our reality."We are on a space station.Is it evermorning?I am certain it is morning on Thelessia, at least.Wait here: I will gather some food."
I pushed myself up."I can do that," I yawned, scrubbing my hands over my face as I sat up."You're busy doing important things."
"Tending to youisimportant," Araxis said."It is importantto me, because it is you, Sashen.It brings me great pleasure to care for you, if you will permit me to do so."He reached for me, threaded his long fingers through my sleep tangled hair, caressing the edge of my ear while the chains tinkled softly against the curve.
I blinked up at him, at the warmth of his stare."Alright," I said, "I canpermitthat, if it's important to you."Like it was a hardship.
His expression softened."I am pleased.Thank you.And besides," he murmured, thumb tracing my cheek as he looked down at me, naked and sleep tousled, a bit bruised and battered, "I have an apology to make, and then I believe you proposed a way we might spend some time together, hm?"
All at once, my skin prickled with heat.I licked my lips, staring up at him, and cleared my throat."Well, if you'dlike," I said slowly.
His lips twitched."Yes, I would very much like that, Sashen.I will be back in a moment."And then he slipped away and vanished into the suite beyond, his unspoken promise bright in our sun-drenched room.
Chapter20
Sacred Word
Of course I surged out of bed, wrapped in not much more than a blanket, and immediately went to the hygiene room to freshen up, and it was while I was staring at myself in the mirror and brushing my teeth that I had the thought that maybe, just maybe, I was being a little too easy.
And I don't mean in the way that everyone on Seraphim would have said I was too easy.It wasn't about being fallen; it wasn't about being a harlot.
But it occurred to me, as I looked at myself in the mirror, the skin beneath my eyes dark and my body beset with a bone-deep weariness despite an otherwise pleasant flush of anticipation, that Araxis was on shaky ground as head of house and maybe he wanted… a sure thing.If he could give me what I wanted, at least, then he might be able to feel a bit more settled.
Except whathe'dwanted was to court me.He'd wanted to do it right.And I didn't know why he'd chosen to approach things this way, but he hadn't been delicately avoiding having sex with me this week by accident.And because he knew I wanted to fuck him and he was still holding off, there had to be a reason with some importance attached to it.
I'd be lying if I said that I wanted anything except to be close to him, then and there; I wanted the weight of him against me; I wanted his breath in my lungs; I wanted our bodies to press together until we were perfectly aligned.
But the wanting that gnawed at my bones like a starving wolf was less important than what heneeded.
Heneededto apologize to me.And then Iwantedto lose myself in his body.I wasn't sure if that was what he needed too, or if he needed… more time.In order to feel like he'd courted me properly, that he'd shown me whatever it was that felt essential for him to demonstrate.
When Araxis got back, I was staring out the window, squinting in the fake sun."You got dressed," he observed, tipping his head toward the low table by the couch.
I shrugged, sinking down on a cushion as he set a small cluster of bowls before me, carefully doling out my favourite abayan breakfast foods.I let him; I knew he liked doing it.I knew it was important to him, part of the ritual, a way he could tend to me."I thought I'd better," I said, tugging on the cuffs of the sweater he'd given me."I've got to balance out last night."
He trilled, setting three dumplings atop the rest of the food in my bowl before nudging it toward me."Hm, you may need several additional layers then."
I dug in, sighing happily as Araxis watched me through half-lidded eyes.He looked, in that moment, suffused with light, as if he could imagine nothing better than letting me sleep in and then stuffing me full of dumplings and preserved vegetables and soft grains.As if, in the particularly hellish landscape we were navigating, I could be a bright spot for him.
A navigational star.
My chest tightened and I had to look away to stop myself from doing something silly like tearing up.Or telling him, again and again, how much I loved him.
"Where did your thoughts go?"he murmured.His hand brushed my elbow, and his touch felt like pure light.
I looked into the bowl I'd cleaned out, let my stare drift to my half-empty cup of tea."Just –" I cleared my throat."You reallydolike me, don't you?The way you look at me sometimes…"
Next to me, Araxis was quiet, although his fingers kept their steady pressure on my elbow."Yes, beloved, I like you.I adore you.With every day, I find yet another dimension to the vast expanse of my feelings for you.You must know that."
