“Then we face it together.”Before she has a chance to ask another hypothetical question, her doctor, Dr.Ormes, steps into the room.She’s around our age, and she’s smiling, and I can feel the tension drain from Ellison’s body.
“Well, looks like congratulations are in order.You’re pregnant.”
“Really?”Ellison whispers.
Dr.Ormes smiles.“Really.I’d like to do an ultrasound today, if that’s all right with you.I know you said you’re pretty certain of the time of conception, but this will give us a clear picture.”
“Can we tell the gender?”I ask.
“Depends on how far along Ellison is.If your calculations are correct, it will still be too early to tell.”
I look down at Ellison to find her already looking at me.I bend and peck her lips with a kiss.“We get to see our baby,” I say, the emotions of the moment lodging in my throat.
Dr.Ormes goes on to say that in the early weeks of pregnancy, a transvaginal ultrasound is required, which sounds horrific for Ellison to endure, and for me to watch, but it’s what our baby needs, and it will give the doctor a better view, or that’s what she says.I have no idea what we’re about to get into.The ultrasound tech comes in, and Dr.Ormes steps out to see another patient, telling us to schedule an appointment in four weeks and to call if we have any questions or concerns.
Thirty minutes later, we’re still parked in the same spot, the engine running, the hum of the air conditioning filling the silence of the cab.I clutch the strip of ultrasound images in my hands.I can’t stop looking at them.It’s as if staring harder will make them tell me something new.We’re nine weeks along.Mom and baby are healthy.
Healthy.
The word echoes in my head like a heartbeat.
“Cope,” Ellison says breathily from her spot in the passenger seat.Her voice wavers, but her tone is full of wonder.“This is really happening.”She swallows hard, and her eyes glisten.“We’re really having a baby.”
I try to speak, to say something, anything, but everything I can think of feels inadequate, like they’re too small to carry everything swelling inside me.
Joy.
Fear.
Awe.
Responsibility.
It’s all there, mingling together until it presses so heavily in my chest, I can barely breathe.We’re having a baby.
Reaching over the console, I hold her hand tightly.She squeezes back, and I feel the warmth of her skin and the steady pulse of life beneath my fingers.For a moment, the world shrinks to this truck, this quiet moment, this tiny, impossible life growing inside her.
All those years ago, this was our dream.We were young and full of hope, and all we knew for certain was that we loved each other and always would.
“I love you, Ells.I love our baby,” I whisper, my voice trembling.
She looks at me, tears still glistening in her eyes, but there’s a lightness there, too, a quiet joy that makes my heart ache.“I love our family,” she says softly, her fingers squeezing mine before she presses our joined hands to her belly, over the life we created together.
For a moment, nothing else exists.No past mistakes, no fears about the future, no noise from the world outside.Just us.Just this fragile, perfect beginning.I breathe it in, trying to memorize every detail.The curve of her smile, the sound of her voice, the steady rhythm of her pulse through her hand.Even the sounds of the city outside of this truck.I never want to forget a single moment.
Life isn’t about being ready.Life is about showing up.And I’m here.We’rehere.And somehow, against all odds, we’re exactly where we’re supposed to be.
The quiet settles over us like a warm blanket.Somewhere inside me, I feel the flicker of something bigger than both of us, something that will grow and stretch and change us forever.And in that moment, I know one thing for certain: I wouldn’t trade this, not for anything in the world.
We sit here a little longer, basking in the glow of today’s news, holding on to each other and the impossible miracle resting quietly between us.
This is just the beginning.
Twenty-One
Ellison
The house is quiet when we get back.I don’t know where my sisters are, but I’m kinda glad we have a few minutes just for us.Not that we didn’t take time sitting in the cab of his truck after our appointment, but the thrill that we’re having a baby, officially confirmed, has not worn off, and I’m certain I wouldn’t be able to hide it.Having more time helps me get my emotions in check.
