“What’s wrong?” she asks, instantly sensing that something is off.
“Nothing.” I muster a smile as I grab my notepad to take her order.
“Cut the crap,” she says bluntly, and motions to the open side of her booth. “Sit.” She unwraps her straw and dunks it into her ice water as she stares at me.
I relent, shoving my notepad and pen back into my apron. I slide into the booth and begin fidgeting with the discarded straw wrapper, staying quiet.
Her hands reach across the table and cover mine, stopping my anxious fidgeting. They’re a bit cold this morning and I find myself staring at the wrinkles covering them to avoid meeting her gaze.
“Something’s wrong with you. Don’t lie to me, please.”
I sigh. “I’m just…” I let myself trail off as I look around the diner, refusing to meet her eyes. “I don’t know if I’m supposed to tell you this. It’s not exactly my story to tell,” I admit.
“I won’t tell a soul.” Judith mimes zipping her lips and then the floor is all mine.
“Charlie told me he has a date.”
There. I said it. It’s out in the open now. I let out a sigh of relief having gotten it off my chest.
“And you feel…?” she motions at me to continue.
“I don’t know.” It’s an honest answer. I’m confused by my reaction. The logical side of me is happy for Charlie. He deserves to find someone that makes him happy. But the emotional side…well, is pretty damn sad. I’ve been aware that I have feelings for him for awhile now. I thought I had convinced myself into believing that having him as a friend would be enough.
“Confused,” Judith finishes. She cocks her head to the side as she stares at me, reading me like a book. “Angry. Sad.”
I nod. She’s right, like always.
“I just didn’t think I would feel this conflicted about it,” I admit.
“Matters of the heart are never simple, dearie.”
“How are you so wise?” I ask as I look at her, seeing the wealth of wisdom — the kind you only get as you age — on her face.
“Oh, I’m notsowise, dearie.” She pats my hands. “I’ve just learned to go after what I want and not give a damn. Now,” she says as she shifts in the booth, her bracelets jangling, “what are you going to do about it?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I mean, what can I really do?”
“You could tell Charlie how you feel, for one.”
And potentially ruin our friendship? I think not.
“Besides that?” I ask, hoping she has another suggestion in her bag of tricks.
“Really, there’s nothing else beside that. Either you tell him how you feel or you live like this,” she waves her hand at me, “in limbo and be confused and angry all the time. And that is not good for your skin, I might add.”
It draws a laugh out of me. Leave it to Judith to always be able to make me laugh.
“Remember what I told you?” she asks, sounding like my mother.
“Yes,” I say, somewhat begrudgingly.
I’m beginning to think that Judith is somewhat of a guardian angel. I don’t plan to tell Charlie how I feel, but maybe I can learn to live with it. For a moment, I laugh with Judith and there’s clarity.
“What did Thea make today?” she asks, craning her neck to see the dessert display case at the front of the diner.
I follow her gaze to see what’s left. “Looks like strawberry muffins and cinnamon coffee cake.”
She smiles as she turns back to me. “I’ll take one of each.”
