[Dex] You know what? I’ve made my peace with the naked mole rat situation.
[Cya] Is that so?
Yeah. They live a long time, can hold their breath for, like, twenty minutes, AND they don’t even feel pain.
Neither do psychopaths.
Okay, well, they don’tget cancer.
None of us get cancer. That’s a human ailment.
Are you just googling facts about naked mole rats?
… Maybe.
They’re cool, you know? They can move their front teeth independently of each other.
Yet, they still look like an old man’s wrinkled ballsack.
OMG please don’t make Rusty turn me into a naked mole rat! I hate it so much. I have nightmares about it. It’s literally affecting my health!
*laughing emoji *evil smile emoji *laughing emoji
You’re a dick!
June 30th, 10:08 A.M.
[Cya] Hemersyn is teaching me how to cook. It’s going poorly.
[Dex]What are you making?
Scrambled eggs.
And it’s going badly? Scrambled eggs are, like, the easiest.
Well, I’ve never made them before!
Spoiled, little rich kid. Never had to do anything yourself. Do I gotta teach you how to do laundry too?
Choke.
No lie, I probably will if I ever actually suck a dick. ’Cause, like, I’ve never done it before.
June 30th, 10:46 A.M.
Just read a blog post about it and wrote down some tips and tricks.
No cap, I think I’m more of a spitter than a swallower. Does that make me a bad dick-sucker? Is it, like, rude not to swallow?
June 30th, 10:51 A.M.
Um… hello? Why are you ignoring me? You need to help me navigate my gay exploration. It’s what friends do!
Also, the blog said I could practice on vegetables to, you know, train my gag reflex.
June 30th, 11:08 A.M.
That last one was bad advice. I almost choked and died! Then I threw up.
