“It’s employees only,” she said.
“Listen here, you—” Rusty started, but again, Dex stepped in.
“Listen”—he glanced down at her name tag—“Holli. Can I call you Holli?”
“No,” she said.
“Holli,” he said, putting on his most charming smile, “we’re in a bit of a pickle here. You see, we’re in a loving polycule situation, and these two strapping men just couldn’t get enough of me.”
“Oh my gods,” Jude groaned as Rusty sighed forlornly.
“Don’t mind them. They’re still a little closeted and in denial, but rest assured, we’re very much in love. But I degrass.”
“Digress,” Rusty corrected, but Dex ignored him.
“I was late with my pill. Or too early. I honestly don’t know how it works, which is probably how I got us into this mess to begin with,” Dex continued, forcing out a half-manic laugh. “But to give our little bundle of joy the best possible start in life, I really need to use your bathroom.”
Jude buried his face in the hand not holding the bag of tests. Rusty glared at Dex like he was trying to set him on fire. Holli looked horrified and even a little nauseous. Dex smiled brilliantly at her, then added a wink.
“So what do you say, Holli? Can you help a sister out?”
At long last, she reached under the counter and withdrew a key attached to a large key chain. “Don’t make a mess.”
With a wordless grunt, Jude grabbed the key and strode to the employees-only door she pointed at.
“Thanks, I can tell you’re a real girl’s girl,” Dex said seriously, and her leathery wings rippled in annoyance.
“Stop talking to me,” she said, and he nodded.
“Roger that.” Fluttering his lashes at Rusty, he said, “Can you settle the bill, shnookums?”
The Pyclon arched a fuzzy, mauve brow, then his hand shot out and bag-tagged him. With a yelp, Dex went down, cupping his groin as pain spread from his balls to his gut and down his thighs.
“Ah, my balls,” he wailed pathetically, and Holli made a noise of disgust. “Uh, I mean, oh, my vagina! Because I’m pregnant and stuff.”
“I’ll take the free lube,” Rusty said as he swiped his card to pay.
“Oh, come on,” Dex whimpered, “I totally earned those condoms.”
Bending down beside him, Rusty patted his cheek a bit too hard. “Judging from how high your voice just got, you won’t be needing condoms anytime soon. Isn’t that right, pookie?”
“Hey, guys?” Jude’s voice carried through the crack in the employees-only door, and every feeling of levity and jest evaporated.
Rusty left Dex to pick himself up off the floor, and had the situation not been so dire, he would have stayed down a bit longer. As it was, he grabbed the counter and heaved himself to his feet, ignoring Holli’s extremely critical glare.
Hobbling like an old man, he made it to the door and limped inside, still cupping his throbbing testicles. “Rusty nut-shotted me,” he explained before Jude could ask, and the human rolled his whiskey-brown eyes.
He shut the door behind Dex, locking the three of them in the bathroom together. Dex spotted a plastic cup filled with urine on the sink, numerous sticks and strips sticking out of it.
“Oh, that’s what the cups were for.” He pointed with one hand, his second still cradling his junk. “Smart.”
Rusty leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his bare chest, eyes tracking Jude as the human paced. He was ringing his hands, and his breathing had grown choppy and fast again. This time, Rusty didn’t try to calm him; he let him pace.
“I don’t understand how this happened,” Jude said, not looking at either of them. “I know I got lax because I never thought… because he’s an Elas, and I’m a human. I’ve been on testosterone for years, which I know isn’t a contraceptive, but c’mon! My body is different, andheis different. How did this—why is this happening?”
It was clearly rhetorical, but Rusty answered anyway. “Like Dex said, some species are just compatible that way.”
“Why didn’t I… How did Toni not…” Jude stopped abruptly. “Oh god, did Toni know? Please tell me Toni didn’t know.”
