NOT ON THIS CHRISTMAS EVE,
’CAUSE MY LOVE SHINES SO BRIGHT
IN THIS COUNTRYSIDE,
BRIGHTER THAN YOUR CITY LIGHTS.
THESE COUNTRY NIGHTS
FEEL SO RIGHT,
BUT ALL THE YEAR,
WE PUT ’EM IN OUR MIRROR.
DIRT ROAD ON TIRES,
FIREWOOD ON FIRE,
SNOW-COVERED HILLS,
OUR COUNTRYSIDE HILLS.
NO, I WON’T CATCH A WINK,
NOT ON THIS CHRISTMAS EVE,
’CAUSE MY LOVE SHINES SO BRIGHT
IN THIS COUNTRYSIDE,
BRIGHTER THAN YOUR CITY LIGHTS.
He finishes and keeps his head down.
I hardly know what to say. No one has ever written a song just for me. “Sabin, it’s so beautiful, so peaceful.”
“That’s why it’s for you.”
“Sabe…” I move from my spot and go to kneel in front of him. “You couldn’t have given me a better gift. I love it. Iloveit.”
Finally, he looks at me. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s no expensive necklace.”
“Why would you even say that?” I shake my head. “What is this shit about?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. Again. It’s just…I don’t have that kind of connection.”
I shake my head. “What do you mean? With me? With another woman?”
“I don’t know. Forget it. I don’t want to do this.” He puts down his guitar. “Are we okay, you and me?”
“Yes, we’re okay.”
But here’s what I recognize to be undeniably true: While he and I are okay,heis not. Sabin is in pain. Of that, I am sure. I cannot tolerate seeing anyone I love hurting, and while Christopher’s trauma and the aftereffects have given me my own kind of sympathetic pain, I believe that he has a resilience that Sabin might not. And that resilience, I think, Sabin might resent.
