“I did,” I said, hesitantly.
“By who?”He sounded disappointed, but not surprised.
“Nathan,” I answered.And he nodded slowly a few times, as if taking time to process it.
His eyes dropped to the floor.
“I’ve got to go.”He got up quickly, suddenly standing.
“Miles, I understand you—”
“No, you don’t understand!”he snapped at me.“Your life is perfect.In your perfect house, with your perfect family, and a perfect future plan.All balanced and the same as you’ve always known it.You don’t understand impermanence, unsteadiness, difficulties.You live in a perfect, flowery—” he pointed at my bouquet, clearly more upset now, “—fairy, imaginary world!Because you’re soperfectand sonaive.Guess what?That’s not the real world!”
I got up too and stared at him, dismayed, holding back the tears in my eyes.
Butnothing.
“I was ready to sit here all day next to you,” I said, coolly.“But maybe you need to work this out on your own.”
My back turned to him, and my legs started walking away.A lump formed in my throat as tears rolled slowly down my cheeks.
Miles had never talked to me like that.I didn’t know what had gotten into him.He’d gone too far with his tone.He’d gone too far with his words.
He was being cruel.
But what hurt me the most was when he stopped talking, and I stared at his face.Those seconds of silence.Looking into each other’s eyes.He didn’t seem the slightest bit sorry for what he had just said.He stood there, hurting me.Ruthlessly and coldly.
And I wasn’t going to stand there listening to it.
Chapter 27
Miles
June 3rd, 1999
Thursday
I turned the key in my front door.
Feeling like I’d been punched but I couldn’t tell where.
My body was reacting poorly.My insides felt crushed.
Ella was the one thing that always made my days brighter.And when I saw those flowers, it was like myanger switch— already simmering in boiling water for a while — had suddenly short-circuited and exploded.
I couldn’t help the jealousy.
But it wasn’t just that.
I felt hurt, rejected, misunderstood, and then mad.
I leaned against the china cabinet, arms crossed, staring into nothing.
Ella had accepted flowers from Nathan.
Simply the thought of her never looking at me that way stung.
We did everything together.And yet, at the end of the day, she still saw me as just another friend.A friend from whom she could live at a distance without sorrow.
