“I didn’t tell you because I was afraid of how real it felt. I thought if I told you, you’d make me face up to it.”
“Calm down. That’s not what’s happening here.”
“It’s not?”
“There’s nothing to face up to! We had some fun.” I did the eyebrow waggling thing again, but it felt like I was performing.
15
THE STANDARD ADVICE
Teddy
On break between sessions, I flew home to take care of a few things. Namely making sure Karlie was actually going to be out of my apartment before I returned for good at the end of the summer, and accompanying my sister to her first therapy appointment.
The Karlie part was anticlimactic. I’d texted her a couple days before I was set to arrive, saying I’d be in town and wanted to chat. When I got to my apartment, I found it empty. There was a bottle of bourbon on the kitchen island with a note in her familiar loopy handwriting that said, “Thanks for letting me (over) stay.”
Well, that had been easy. Unnervingly easy.
I didn’t have an Instagram account, but I went to a browser and checked out hers. She hadn’t posted for a week, which was unlike her.
Now I was officially worried. I FaceTimed her.
“I thought you were staying till the end of August,” I said when she picked up. I’d just wanted to make sure we were ontrack for that. I’d been planning to offer to hire movers if need be. “You didn’t have to vacate immediately.”
“I kind of did, though.” She smiled fondly. “That’s the problem with you; you’re too nice.”
“You’re the only person in the world who has ever said or thought that.”
“Yeah, well, you don’t let people know you, not really. Not anyone but your sister, anyway. And maybe Scott.” She quirked an eyebrow. She and I had not spoken about the band’s demise, but presumably she’d read about it.
“Yeah, I thought I might try to make up with Scott, but I think I’m gonna leave it.”
“That sounded like a question. Are you looking for my opinion?”
Why not? “Sure.”
“You outgrew him. You outgrew the band. Maybe he did, too. It sucks, but it happens.”
“You got all this wisdom since I last saw you. What are you up to? You have a place to stay?”
“I have a new project.” She set the phone down, stepped back, and pulled the shirt she was wearing—an oversize men’s button-down—tight over her… pregnant belly.
“Holy shit!”
She came back to the phone, laughing. “I can see you doing panic math there, but dude, I’m only five months along, and you and I haven’t had sex in almost a year.”
“I know, I know. I’m just surprised.”
“You and me both.”
“Not that it’s any of my business, but is everything good with the father?”
“Yeah, yeah. He’s great. But it’s been… interesting. This wasn’t planned, but we decided to go for it, both in terms of the kid and the relationship. He’s excited about the baby—he’s really cute about it, actually—but he doesn’t want any of it on social media. Like,anyof it. Not the pregnancy, and not the kid once it’s here.”
“Sounds like a smart guy.”
“He is. It’s caused me to have to seriously think about why I do what I do—or maybe did what I did. Was influencing about the money? Or was it something else? Attention?”
