I began shaking my head and he said, “You don’t understand. Ican’tlose you. I… I cannot think when I am near you, and yet nothing makes sense when we are apart. I look for you in shadows and crowded rooms. I hear you, I feel you, even when you are not there. I have lived for a long time, Lirah, and hardly anything scares me anymore. But you… When you didn’t come back after the Trial, I realized just how terrified I am of losing you. I understand you’re mortal, and eventually the day will come when you leave me, but I am selfish. I want as many days with you as I can get before that happens.”
“Kilian… You told me the greater good of humanity is at stake here, and while I don’t fully understand that, I think I know you well enough by now to know you wouldn’t have done all this for no reason.”
“I’ll let humanity burn sooner than lose you.”
I blinked. “You don’t mean that.”
He let out a harsh, ragged scoff. “You still don’t get it. You need me to spell it out for you? Fine, I will. I am madly, stupidly,desperatelyin love with you. I’m so fucking in love with you it hurts. It’s enough for me to tell the world to fuck right off. It’s taken too much from me already. It won’t take you as well. I will not let it. Do not ask me to do that. Please.Please, don’t ask that of me.”
The raw confession ached. It tore at my heart until it was a piece of stringy flesh and blood.
I angled to face him fully, lifting up onto my knees and placing my hands on either side of his face. He gave me a pained look, and I dragged my thumb over his brow, smoothing out the creases. “I love you too. But you already knew that, didn’t you?”
His eyes shuttered briefly, and he nodded.
“But do you know how much?” I pressed a kiss to his lips, the barest touch. “Catastrophically,” I whispered. “Apocalyptically. That means that no matter what happens, even at the very end of the world, in every lifetime that may come after, I will find you. I know what I’m doing. You didn’t give me the choice to compete in the Mortal Trials, but you’ve given me the choice of becoming elven now. And I choose to take the risk. If I don’t try, I’ll regret it forever.”
His hands came to my waist, and he tugged me onto his lap. He pressed his lips to mine, and I let my eyelids close. It was so soft, so deliberate, it almost felt like a goodbye kiss.
His fingers drifted down my spine, catching at the hem of my shirt and he began tugging it up. I lifted my arms, letting him pull it off.
He tossed it off the bed and then his hands returned, callused palms scraping along the sides of my body. I ran my hands across the planes of his shoulders, dropped my head to kiss his collarbone. My touch mirrored his own – gentle, loving, reverent.
He was hard beneath me, and I shivered at the building ache, the desire that consumed me so wholly it was scarier than any Trial I’d faced.
I leaned back to tug at the band of his underwear, my finger running along his navel, and he inhaled sharply, lifting his hipsenough for me to pull it down. When it was off, he settled me against him again and I bit my lip at the sensation.
He ran a thumb across my lower lip, freeing it from my teeth, and then his mouth was on mine again. Not soft this time, but a brutal claiming. A devouring of souls. There was no beginning and no end to this kiss. I rolled my hips, sliding along him, swallowing his groan.
He tore his lips away to look at me. “In case you’re wondering, I take the preventative tablet, but we don’t have to– if you’re not ready–”
I brushed a curl off his forehead. “I’m ready. Unlessyoudon’t want to?”
He scoffed. “If there’s any part of you questioning that, then I haven’t done my job right.”
“It’s not supposed to be a ‘job,’” I said.
“Will you ever stop arguing?”
“Some might call it banter.”
He laughed softly at his words, thrown back at him. “You know, it stuns me how much I love you.” His lips ghosted across mine. “Shall I show you how much I want to do this?”
I melted at the darkness, the hoarse ache in his voice. I lifted my hips. “Show me.”
He positioned himself at my entrance and I bit down on his shoulder as he lowered me onto him, the fit agonizingly perfect. He paused, allowing me to adjust and to catch my breath, before lowering me all the way to his base.
I let my lips trail across his shoulder, to his neck, and he dropped his head, hands roaming my back, sinking into my hair.
“Lirah…” My name sounded like a prayer on his lips.
He didn’t move for a second, his muscles tense like he wasn’t quite sure what to do, but then I rolled my hips against his and he seemed to remember.
Quick as a flash, he flipped me over, the movement stealing my breath once more. He settled between my thighs, and I hooked my legs around him. I hadn’t realized how much I needed the pressure of his chest against mine until it was there, or how much I’d wanted him to take charge until he did. His tongue was at my neck, arms bracketing me as he moved in a rhythm that had me seeing stars.
I dragged my nails down his back at the exact moment his control slipped. He withdrew completely and then slammed into me, rough and hard. At the bounds of the link, there was no rage, only blinding pleasure. If I’d ever wondered before what it meant to be entwined with someone body and soul, I now knew definitively.
He grabbed my hand, fingers intertwining with mine as he held it in place above my head.
