“Lirah.” Pallid, glacial skin was replaced by warm fingers and bright eyes. Kilian’s face hovered inches above mine. He pressed a kiss to my temple, drawing me into his strong arms. I heaved a shuddering breath, the stench and sight of the fae still clogging my senses.
“You’re okay,” he murmured against my hair. “You’re okay.”
I shut my eyes tight, allowing Kilian’s scent to wash over the putrid aroma. We were tangled in a mess of limbs and sheets. His body pressed against every inch of mine. Light peeked through the shutters at the window; I focused on the slivers and Kilian’s rhythmic breathing to ground myself in this reality.
“What did you dream about?” he whispered against the shell of my ear.
“Fae.” The word made the hair on the back of my arms stand on end.
Kilian ran a hand along my arm. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. No. I did not want to relive the dream; I wanted to forget the entire experience on Cosanus.
“Okay.” Kilian grazed his lips against my head, his hand rubbing comfortingly along my back. “It’s going to be okay.”
But it wasn’t. Nothing was going to be okay. Sure, the third Trial was over and the fae were still imprisoned on Cosanus, but I had to survive what came next: the Rite. Kilian seemed to sense the shift in my energy. He pulled away, peering down at me.
“What are you thinking about?”
“The Rite.”
And with those two words, his energy changed too. His eyes shut, spine tensing. I felt quiet rage through the link. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot recently. You don’t have to do it. I won’t make you.”
I blinked. “What do you mean?”
He swallowed hard, his eyes intent. “I don’t want to lose you.”
I sat up to survey him. “We’ve been training. There’s a chance.”
“It’s not high enough. And after what happened on Cosanus, there’s only trace magic left in you. It’s not a chance I want to take.”
“It can’t have all been for nothing. I can’t have endured three Trials only to stop at the final hurdle. What about the Mortal Trials being bigger than the both of us? What about your curse and the humanity-destroying plot you need to prevent?”
“There’s no guarantee you will be able to break the curse, even if you pass the Rite. Augustine wasn’t able to. It’s a gamble, and you’re too valuable to bet.”
“You can’t just decide this now. It’s too late.”
“It’s not. You have your whole life still ahead of you. I’m not taking that away.”
He couldn’t be serious. “So what? I’m just supposed to sit here and let my friends compete? Watch them die? Grow old in Lortan and eventually die myself? Because that is what will happen either way. We’ll just be prolonging it. If I stay here, as a mortal, I can never set foot outside Lortan. I will never see my mother again.”
“Your mother is well taken care of. I saw to it before we left Serila.”
I stiffened. “What? How? Echon cursed her. She’s voiceless.”
He shook his head. “I undid the curse and nearly stuck a dagger in Echon before we left. It was after Septimus knocked you out. She’s been living on Ascan for the past month, in a house I registered in her name. Like I did for all the families of candidates. I assure you, your mother has access to whatever she may need.”
I heard his words, but my sluggish brain was struggling to process them. “You’re telling me… she’s fine? You gave her a house and her voice back?”
His brows knitted together. “Of course. The candidates competing in the Trials sacrifice their lives. The least I can do is try to compensate their families. Not that it will ever equate to the loss.”
Tears were in my eyes, and his face grew blurry.
“Fuck, Lirah.” He reached for me. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m so sorry to have forced all this upon you. You don’t know how much I regret taking your choice from you. I’m trying to give it back to you now.”
I dragged my fingers across my wet cheeks, shaking my head. “There’s still no choice. I have to do this. I’ve come too far not to.”
He grasped my hand, pressing it to his lips. “Don’t.”
