“What if I haddiedduring the earlier Trials? Before you ‘loved me’?” I flung my words at him, hoping they would cut. There were so many times I had come close to death. It seemed like an awfully risky gamble to take on finding someonesoimportant.
Kilian shook his head. “Aerie would know how to survive.”
“Right. Of course. I suppose this is why you seduced me, then?” I spat. “On the off-chance I might be this missing goddess you’re looking for? All to break your curse?”
Kilian winced. “Of course not. I had my theories, and still, I told you not to participate in the Rite, with all that is at stake, despite this beingcenturiesin the making. There was a chance you were Aerie and would pass the Rite, but I did not want to take it. Because if you weren’t – if I was wrong – I would lose you. And I cannot lose you. Iloveyou. You know that.”
“I don’t know anything about you!” Bitterness colored my words, anger licking at my flesh.
Hurt flashed through Kilian’s eyes, but it vanished in a second. “I have never lied to you about my feelings, Lirah. But you don’t have to be in love with me to break the curse. If you won’t do it for me, do it for everyone Primus will decimate if he ever finds his dagger.”
“How can you even be so sure I am Aerie? What if it’s Lana?” It made more sense for it to be Lana, who was so brave and strong-willed. I was just Lirahna Aldhur, scullery cook in the governor’s house. I couldn’t be a missing goddess. The thought was preposterous.
“I can feel your energy. It’s a distinct impression that belongs only to you,” Kilian said softly. “I scented it on you after the Rite. It’s similar to what I feel from Septimus and Syrina.”
My eyes snapped to his and he nodded. “Primus cursed them too, when they aided me in the rebellion against him and Kadax.”
My brain was going to explode. “Septimus and Syrina… arebothgods?”
“Like me. Cursed with only a kernel of power,” Kilian confirmed. “Septimus controls luck and favor. Syrina, the arts. We’re still gods, but just… weakened, unable to break each other’s curses. We’re shadows of who we once were in this form and bound to most of its limitations – like the inability to cross rock salt. Even if I had Primus’ dagger, I’m far too weakened as is to even get close enough to him to use it.”
I sank to the ground, my thoughts a jumbled mess. Nothing made sense. Not the foreign memories roiling through my mind, nor the idea that Kilian was the God of Death. Even more ludicrous was the fallacy that I was the Goddess of War.
“I know it’s a lot to take in,” Kilian said, and I let out a harsh scoff. “But the future of everyone really is at stake. If I am not released from this curse in time to stop Primus, if we do not find his dagger before he does, he will exterminate the entire mortal race to make way for Winipyr to create a more malleable species. And when he’s done with that, there’s no telling what he’ll do. I’d rather we didn’t find out.”
His eyes searched my face, like he was hoping for some sort of understanding.
I gave him nothing.
“Take some time to let it soak in. And when you’re ready, come find me.”
I stiffened as he walked past me to the door. His hand curled around the frame, and he paused, looking back at me. “I may have omitted the truth, Lirah, but I didn’t lie to you. What I feel for you has nothing to do with the curse or the gods. I love you for who you are. And I really hope you make the right decision.”
And then he was gone, leaving me alone in the bedroom with only my reeling thoughts and a sour taste in my mouth.
CHAPTER 26
I closed the blackout curtains the minute Kilian left and crawled into the bed, hoping blissful sleep would take me. But my mind was restless and kept turning over every piece of information he had lobbied my way. Even worse, disjointed memories kept flooding through my brain with no context attached.
I saw the harsh, thin-lipped smile of a male who looked elven, but instinctively I knew was not. A beautiful, dark-skinned female with thick hair and rose-tinted lips stood in a room filled with books. She handed me something, but when I tried to look at the object it vanished in a swirl of color. A crumbling house came next, on a burning island, the shingles on its roof faded blue and charred. A burnished helmet fell to my feet, rippling sand in its wake. Sizzling hot pain seared my leg as a hand inched up my thigh, and when I looked to my left there were only depthless teal eyes.
I shoved the covers off me. They smelled too much like Kilian. LikeAzrael. I was going insane in this bedroom, with nothing but questions burning inside of me. I rose from the bed and began pacing, replaying my entire conversation with Kilian over and over again, turning each word and sentence in my head. A knock issued through the room, and I paused mid-step.
Lana was outside, with a bottle of what looked like wine, two glasses and a cheese board held in her hands.
“I thought we could drink and commiserate the fact that you’re supposedly a goddess?” she said.
I snorted. Only Lana could make the ridiculous news seem casual. I held the door wide. “Come on in.”
She trooped inside, setting the cheese board on the middle of the bed, before plopping onto the covers. I nestled on the opposite side of the board and stuffed a pillow behind my head.
Lana reached for a glass, unscrewed the cap off the wine and poured a generous serving into each cup. She handed me one before clinking her own against mine.
I took a sip of the wine. It was fizzy and tasted slightly of apple. “Septimus told you everything, then?”
She popped a piece of cheese in her mouth. “Oh, yeah. We had a really long talk about all of it. In fact, he thinks I’m related to Augustine.”
My brows rose, and I looked at her with renewed perspective. She did resemble Augustine quite a bit, especially in elven form. With her pale hair and light blue eyes, she could have been his twin. I didn’t know how I hadn’t seen it before.
