“How crazy?” she continued. “But not as crazy as finding out that Septimus is a literalgod. I mean, I always thought he looked like a god, but more in ahe’s so hot, I want to fuck himkind of way.”
I pinched her and she batted my arm away, saying, “I did not see the Azrael-slash-Aerie curveball coming my way, though.”
“How do you think I feel? I’m completely baffled by the entire thing. Part of me doesn’t even believe it,” I said.
“But then that means… part of youdoesbelieve it?” she prodded.
I hesitated for a second. “Ever since the transformation, I keep seeing these things. Images of faces and places. They feel so vivid and real. Almost like…”
“Memories?”
I took another sip of my wine, nodding. “It sounds so farfetched. I grew up in Serila. We prayed to the gods. And now, I’m being toldI’mone of them. Some missing goddess. And that I’ve fallen in love with a death god!”
Lana gasped. “You love him?”
I realized how woefully behind she was on my love life. “That’s a story for another time.”
“Right,” she agreed. “More pressing issues at hand.”
“I just don’t understand why all this is happening. If these… memories are real, and what Kilian told me is true, then whydid Aerie – why didI– choose death over betrothal to a god? Why did I wander Tarlor for so long that I forgot who I was? Why did I choose a mortal body to occupy and not an elven one? It all makes me wonder whether there was a purpose behind forgetting. Perhaps, life as a mortal was more appealing than being a god? Or maybe I wanted to run so far from that life that I could never be found.” The words tumbled out as the thoughts formed, jumbled and messy. Nothing made sense.
“Except you have been found.”
“Yeah. And if that was a life I didn’t want, then what do I do now?”
Lana sighed deeply. “Nothing you don’t want to do. No one knows about this except for Kilian and Septimus. And Syrina, probably. You’re free to leave Lortan now. If you want to go back home, you should be able to do that. If you are this goddess that they say you are, then nobody will be able to make you do anything you don’t want to.”
I chewed on my bottom lip. “But if I don’t do what Kilian wants… if I don’t release him from his curse, then the entire mortal race is at risk of being destroyed. Primus will eliminate everyone if he’s not stopped.”
Lana placed a hand on top of mine. “This is your choice, Lirah. And no one can tell you what to decide.”
I clenched the stem of the glass in my hand, frustration tensing my muscles as I remembered telling Kilian, moments before the Rite had begun, that not even Azrael could keep me from him. He had smiled in response. “I just feel so angry at the lies.”
“But can you blame him?” Lana asked softly. “Maybe he didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on you during the Trials. Or maybe he wasn’t even fully sure who you were. It would have raised too many questions if it hadn’t worked out how it had.”
Her words made sense, but that didn’t make them chafe any less.
I leaned my head against the pillows, considering everything. “I know what I have to do, but there’s something I need first.”
I found Kilian in the sparring room, taking out his anger on a punching bag. Every inch of his exposed torso was taut, sweat dripping between the curves of his abdomen as it flexed with each powerful jab at the bag. He hadn’t used gloves or tape. With my newfound crystal-clear vision, I could see his knuckles had split. Blood pooled between his fingers and speckled the floor below.
He held the bag still as I approached, eyes wary.
I stopped a few feet away from him and folded my arms across my chest. “I need proof.”
His eyes narrowed. “Proof of what?”
“Of whatever you’ve claimed to be. Of what you think I am.”
Kilian rolled his eyes. He rolled hisfuckingeyes, and I nearly punched him. “I already told you, Lirah, I’ve been cursed. I only have a literal drop of my power. I cannot decimate entire cities as evidence right now. As for you, the blood of the Goddess of War courses through your veins. Go incite a rebellion if you need proof.”
My jaw dropped. “Wow. Where did all that sass just come from?”
“I’ve been learning from the best.” He tipped his head toward me. “But seriously, I can’t give you the proof you’re looking for. If you believe it, you’ll feel it.”
“That’s a load of crap,” I hissed. “And you’re a lying asshole.”
Kilian strode purposefully toward me. I swallowed nervously but stood my ground. He stopped mere inches away. “Close your eyes.”
