And that drove me mad even more for some reason.
Perhaps it’s the brainwashing.That treacherous voice returned with a vengeance.Perhaps you’re mad with worry because, as he said, you arewiredto be ...
I wanted to refute this. To argue with it. But the doubt had been planted from the moment Lucien said that me being his Eteria meant I was bound to him forever and beyond. That without meaning to, he could easily manipulate me into feeling love and care for him.
So the fact he refused to let me feel his full pain, even at the cost of slowing his healing, made me feel ironically defeated.
My arms dropped back to my sides, and I stared at him with wonder, almost. The last few days ran through my head. Every conversation we had. Everything he’d shown me about himself. Even the fact he wanted to put distance between us by bringing me back to the apartment once Chase and Avenor were no longer a threat now made sense too.
If nothing else, one thing I was sure about, and it was that Lucien was a good man. He didn’t want me to be magically forced to love him. He preferred to let me go, never understanding the extent of our bond, unable to love anyone else, and never knowing why. He saw it as the kinder option of the two.
Yet now he was telling me about it all ...
“Why?” I asked in a whisper. “Why did you tell me all this now?”
His face shattered, and I saw his desperation just then. “There is no turning back for you to any sort of normalcy,” he told me quietly. “The Sable Syndicate have made a move, warning me by threatening you that they know you are involved. They might’ve written in that letter that you won’t be harmed, but the Syndicate is fickle and cunning. Their words cannot be trusted.”
“So you’d rather keep me close and protect me from them instead of putting a security detail on me,” I concluded, searching his gaze.
He nodded, opened his mouth, then seemed to think better of it and closed it, looking away from me. “Your brother, too, will now be under my protection,” he said almost matter-of-factly. “He’s also on the Syndicate’s radar, after all.”
I realized then he was steering the conversation away from what we’d been talking about. And while some part of me insisted I should get back to that subject—of him protecting me from pain and the whole Eteria thing, that it was important—I also felt emotionally exhausted.
“Enoch mentioned something about the Fae,” I recalled now, feeling a sudden desperation to talk about anything but me beingbrainwashed to love him or him refusing to share his physical pain. It was all too much for me to process right now.
Lucien seemed visibly relieved as he gave me a faint smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “The Sable Syndicate is a mob of supernatural creatures—Otherborne—known as Fae,” he said now, his voice taking on a lecturing tone almost. “They reside in the Underearth, a place accessible only by the portals.”
That was what he called the shadow marks, I remembered.
Our conversation was forced to a stop just then, when Enoch opened the door with a now-calm expression. “You’ve had an hour,” he said, pointing at Lucien. “I need to reapply the stitches, so lie down, and don’t argue with me, Lucien.”
Lucien growled at him. “You wanted to injectmy Eteriawith faux fluxion,” he snapped, and his hand immediately caught mine as if by instinct. “Inverna can cause Overflow in humans!”
Anais and Thayer, who entered the room behind Enoch, wore looks of fear as they avoided looking at Lucien. He did seem quite scary right now. But oddly enough, or maybe understandably now, I didn’t find him scary at all.
“That only happens with humans who have a lick of fluxion,” Enoch sniped back, pointing at me. “Drew here has not a single drop of fluxion in her. We checked!”
“Doesn’t matter,” Lucien growled, pulling me behind him protectively. “You are not injecting anything into her without her or my approval. Ever.”
Enoch groaned in frustration, throwing his arms into the air. “Fine!” he said somewhat dramatically. “Don’t come running to me when this wound never heals properly!”
Terms likefluxionandOverflowmeant nothing to me, but I gathered the general issue here, and it forced us back to what we had discussed. Or rather, argued about. “Lucien,” I said quietly, tugging at his hand, which still clutched mine in an unbreakable hold.
He whipped his head toward me, arctic-blue eyes filled with anger. “I’m not going to let you feel the pain, Drew, and that’s final.”
I heard a squeak, and from the corner of my eye I saw Anais retreating with a wince on her face. Frowning, I focused back on Lucien and hesitantly raised my free hand to cup his face. “Let’s make a deal, then.”
He arched an eyebrow, and when he spoke, the sarcasm dripped bitterly from his words. “What part ofthat’s finaldo you not understand?”
“The part where I believe that as your Eteria, I should at least have a say about this, if I’m to be stripped of any autonomous thought before long,” I hissed back. “So shut the fuck up and listen to me, you stupid wolf.”
He stared at me, eyes wide with shock and disbelief. I used his momentary silence to launch straight ahead, grabbing his chin now so he would not look away from me. “The deal goes as follows. You let me feel your pain and finally heal properly.” He was about to open his mouth, but I covered his lips with my palm, narrowing my eyes. “And if you’re heavily injured again in the future and you don’t want me to feel your pain, I will let you have your way.”
His shock was replaced by fury as he took my wrist and pushed my hand away from his mouth. “Drew—” he started, but I wasn’t having it.
“I’m trying to meet you halfway here, Lucien,” I cut him off, searching his gaze, letting him see my determination—and my worry. “This is the least you could do to make up for the fact I’m now bound to you for eternity whether I want to be or not. That I will never be able to love another person. That I am going to worry about you till the end of days.”
His face fell, and suddenly I was in his arms as he hugged me tightly. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into my hair. “I’m so sorry, Drew.”
