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Diana
The outdoors and I do not get along. I think I’ve already been bitten by approximately one million mosquitos, and I’m not exaggerating. It’s hot as hell even though it’s still technically spring, and since we’re on the river, it’s so humid that my hair is sticking to my face and neck.
God, I love my friends, I really do, but this is the last place that I want to be right now. My idea of the perfect bachelorette party—and the plan that I will be following if I ever get married—is wearing a bikini on the beach for three days with my friends, a hot tub just feet away, and cocktails delivered on demand.
So basically, the exact opposite of whitewater rafting.
Promises have been made that there is a hot tub and cocktails in my future, so I’m doing my best to get through the day in good spirits. But it’s hard to shake the feeling that disaster is waiting just around the corner for me. here’s a reason that my job requires me to be indoors, seated, at my computer. I’d probably be dead several times over if I had to go outside on a regular basis. I am notoriously accident prone.
“You’ll be fine, Di,” Emily says, breaking through my worried thoughts.
I sigh and sit down to re-tie my shoes. “That’s what you think. You’re outdoorsy. Mother Nature has anointed you her blessed child and all that shit. Me? I’ve broken more than one bone practically tripping over nothing.”
She laughs, coming over and flopping down beside me and almost tackling me. “Here, let me rub some Mother Nature blessings on you.”
“Oh my God.” I nearly lose my balance and topple over the tree truck that I’m sitting on, but at least I’m laughing now. “You seriously owe me big, bitch. For coming out here into the middle of nowhere to get into a boat.”
“I appreciate it. Besides, you know it’s going to be fun.”
I make a face at my best friend. “Maybe. But you know what you get to do after? You get to go home to Ryan and get fucked within an inch of your life, and I get to go home to my couch and my Netflix account.”
“We’re going to find you someone,” Emily says, smirking. “Isn’t that right, girls?”
“It’s true,” Sarah says. “We have a fifteen-point plan that we’re implementing after the wedding.”
“You do not.”
Marie tosses a life vest my way and I catch it. “We do, actually.”
“Yep,” Julie says as she’s pulling her hair back into a ponytail. “Point number two is you getting a boob job.”
I roll my eyes even though I’m smiling. “Fuck off.”
“Okay, okay, it might not be fifteen points,” Emily says, giggling, “but we do have plans to help you. And it will work because having three wing women is better than just one.”
“Or counterpoint: you maniacs will scare away all the men,” I say, trying to loosen the straps of the life vest enough to actually get it over my head.
“We would never,” Marie says sweetly, but she’s grinning in a way that is entirely unconvincing.
“But in order for our plan to work, we’re going to need total control of your dating profiles and we need a list of everything that you want in a man.”
I stand and look at the three of them. “When did you all become the matchmaking old woman from Fiddler on the Roof? Whatever her name was.”
“Yente,” Sarah supplies.
“Exactly. When did you all become Yentes?”
Emily smirks. “When we got together and discussed how long it’s been since you got laid.”
“Ouch,” I wince.
It has been a while, but still.
“Kidding,” Em says. “You know we wouldn’t do that. But we also feel a little bad that since we’re all partnered off you get left out of stuff. So, we want to find you someone amazing. And get you laid.”
“Well, thank you for wanting me to have some orgasms, but I’ll live. Let’s just try to make sure I actually live through this little outdoor adventure and then make good on y’all’s promise of a hot tub and drinks, okay?”
“Sure,” Marie says, with mischief in her voice, “but I think that there’s a chance we may be able to launch our plan before the wedding.”
“How so?” Emily takes a long sip from her water bottle and then does a double take. “Oh. That.”
“What?”
Sarah smiles at me. “Remember who’s taking us on this adventure?”
I turn and find him walking up the path toward us. Oh yeah, I remember. How could I forget? And to be honest, he’s a pretty big part of why I’m sucking it up and not making some excuse to run back to the hotel.
Leo.
We met him yesterday when we checked in, and I swear that my lady parts started to sing the hallelujah chorus at just the sight of him. He’s the kind of man you see in catalogs for outdoors gear. Kind of a hipster lumberjack. Big enough that just being in his proximity makes me feel small, with muscles for days.
