So this is what it feels like to have my heart broken for the first time.
I could have done without this particular experience, I must say.
I hastily wipe at my face, angry that any tears have escaped at all. Looking back at Mel, I can feel my heart hardenever so slightly.
“You’re wrong.” I state, voice wavering slightly. Cursing internally, I flatten my tone. “It wasn’t a mistake, Mellie. It was the best day of my goddamn life. And yes, I am leaving tomorrow. And if this is how you truly feel about me, about us, then I’m fucking glad I’m leaving. I don’t think I can be around you anymore, not right now.”
Mellie lets out a quiet sob. The sound takes up the pieces of my shattered heart and breaks it all over again. I’m the reason she’s crying, and I hate myself for it. She moves away from the door, and I swing it open to let myself out.
I glance back to her one last time. “I know deep down that you know I’m right. We would have worked, Mel. You’re just not brave enough to give us a chance.”
Then I leave, closing the door behind me to the sound of her quiet cries, my own tears streaming down my face as I go.
Chapter Nine
MELLIE
PRESENT DAY
As soon as I get back from Christmas shopping—and that awkward encounter with Ronin—I drag all of my shopping bags upstairs and fall onto my bed. My head still pounds in my skull.
Reaching off the mattress with my leg for the bag I have tossed to the side, my foot hooks around one of the backpack straps and I yank it up to dig around for some headache medicine. Laziness at its best.
By some holiday miracle, I managed to get all of my gift shopping finished. I’m pretty proud of my success, especially with a killer hangover fogging my brain. A nap is in order if I’m going to be a functioning adult when I meet with Ronin tonight. My stomach twists at the thought.
I know that we need to clear the air between us, but that doesn’t make actually doing it any easier. It’s been years of no contact and he’s been suddenly thrust back into my daily life. Frankly, I’m feeling knocked off balance. I’m no longer used to seeing him so often, or being around him and drowning innostalgia. His very presence is overwhelming me. Sitting next to him on the bench today… It felt like there was a pull between us, something out of our control that always brings us together. I can see it in the way he looks at me and the way my body responds to him. This feeling of uncertainty is unfamiliar and I don’t like it one bit.
I drop my arm over my face to shield it from the late afternoon sun shining through the curtains. I’m too tired and too lazy to get up and close them. I just need to rest my eyes for a few minutes, to get the fucking throbbing in my skull to stop trying to turn my brain into mush.
Just a few minutes. That’s all I need.
A light knock at my door stirs me awake, and I sit up groggily, staring into the darkness of my bedroom.
“Mellie? Are you awake, sweetie?” Mom's voice is laced with concern even through the closed door.
“Yeah,” I croak. I clear my throat and reach for the glass of water beside my bed to take a drink. “Come in.”
Mom cracks the door open, and a sliver of bright light slices into the dark from the hallway. She pushes into my room holding a tray of food and a bottle of water. “I thought you might be hungry, hun. You slept right through dinner tonight. I came to get you, but you just looked so exhausted and peaceful, I thought you could use the nap. Are you feeling okay?”
I slept through dinner?Fuck.
“What time is it?” I fumble around my bedding, searching for my phone. Finding it, the bright screen glares into my face, making me squint.
9:00 p.m.
“Shit,” I curse, jumping out of bed and spinning around in a circle, trying to get my bearings. “Shit, shit, shit.”
“What is it, Amelia?” Mom seems panicked by my reaction. She places the dinner tray on my bed and starts toward me.
“I was supposed to meet Ronin an hour ago,” I wail helplessly. “He’s going to be so pissed.Shit!Where are my shoes?”
“They’re downstairs by the door. Well, wait just a minute, Mellie—where are you going?”
Mom is cut off as I barrel past her, grabbing my backpack and running for the stairs.
“Sorry, Mom! Thanks for dinner, but I have to go!” I call to her over my shoulder as I trip over my shoes, stopping to tug my Converse on. I grab my winter coat and house keys, and run out of the house.
There is no way Ronin will still be at the gazebo. He’ll think I stood him up, that I didn’t want to see him or talk to him. God, that nap was so stupid! Why didn’t I set an alarm, or wake up when my mom had dinner ready? Stupid fucking hangover.
